Just a few questions.

[Guest soclosetobeingshawn]

I came out to my dad via text but he basically chose to ignore it, he still calls me his "daughter."

Anyways. Where do you guys get your binders? Is there anyway I can sneak mine somehow to my house? What else should I know about them?

Also, bathrooms. Do you use the mens room? I can't pass, so I most likely can't go in there without being reported. I really would like to start using it, but I'm so afraid.

thanks for anything you can help me with.

shawn~

[Guest Dragonseeker]

Your dad just needs some time to think about what you told him. This is very hard for parents to accept and it rarely happens overnight. My mom has known almost two years and is still struggling with it. Just keep talking to him about how you feel and ask to speak to a gender therapist.

I purchased my binder from Underworks. I got the tri top. I like it and I was able to sneak buy it cause I have my own money and debit card. And I was home when the package arrived. It feels pretty good, just make sure you get the right size. You don't want it to be too tight cause that will cause a lot of problems. It only takes me about 5 seconds to get in mine but I know others have taken much longer getting theirs on..

I don't use the men's room at the moment. I pass prolly 65% of the time but I just avoid public restrooms right now unless I absolutely have to go which isn't often. Hopefully a guy on here who is using men's restrooms can help you out some more.

-Jake

[JJ]

Hi Shawn

When I still wore binders I got most from ebay. Far cheaper. But the longer I live male the less I like binders. Males move freely and binders can interfere with that if they are tight which most of us seem to be driven to do. But if you look closely at natal men they are not flat fronted after early puberty and start putting on any muscle AND they are never flat straight across, There is a slight divot across the front that binders don't create, I use a couple of athletic compression shirts which allow me to move and breathe freely, are not dangerous as all binders ultimately are, and give a more natural look. I also plan to get a mens Spanx undershirt next month to see how they work because chest "firming" is something they specifically talk about targeting. They create natural lines and are a garment made to look natural under clothing with technology no binder can match because we are just not a large enough target audience for research to pay off. BTW I am uber chest dysphoric and have to fight my own inclination to bind-and over bind though I KNOW it looks less natural and is dangerous

I didn't start using the men's room till I was passing close to 100%. I'd say to use the bathroom of the gender you are being seen as because people are funny and sensitive about bathrooms. I must confess I have never ever been questioned or even gotten a funny look in the men's room. I use an STP and always use a stall but that first time in a men's room was one of the scariest things I ever did. I thought I chose a time it would be empty too and instead hit when there was a room full of men coming and going. Still no problem. It is a place men mind their own business and just get in and out. I'd be scared to use the Women's now. In fact awhile ago on a day out with my daughter when the mens room was full she told me to use the women's instead. I told her to look closely and tell me she thought it would be okay. She looked at me and said "Nope. Forget that You'll just have to wait"

It all comes in time. And eventually becomes routine. But I also vividly remember once transition started I felt just wrong being in the women's room and scared to go in the men's after a lifetime of conditioning against it. I had forgotten though till I saw your post. It does resolve and then fades because the time drags while you are going through it but is really just a temporary situation ultimately.

Johnny

[Guest Jaques]

binders can be bought or made, as im in england i cant tell you where to get yours - but i wouldnt use the mens WC until you pass, as has been said, it can sometimes cause problems - i actually got barred from a club for doing so - even though i had my gender change certificate on me - as you have probably understood by now, these things can take a lot of time and energy when transitioning, particularly with parents, so patience is important - good luck with it..........

[Guest Oxygenic]

Your dad will come around soon if you convince him enough, hopefully. You have to remember that it doesn't happen overnight.. my mom is the same way, but she's working on it. Parents and friends won't be making a shift to address you by the correct pronouns and titles within a day or two. It takes patience.

As for binders, I don't even have one yet. I'm getting one tomorrow though, probably, and I'm ordering it from FTM Underworks with a coupon that marks off about 10-20%. Ebay carries them fairly cheap, and there are some compression tanks you can buy off of Amazon for about $20. It basically looks just like a tanktop, so you don't have to be too obvious about your purchase. There isn't any place you can buy them in public, unless if you go the Ace bandage route which is a no.

I don't like using bathrooms in public. I'm not very confident when it comes to passing. I look too androgynous to even dare venture into the mens room, so I try to find a gender neutral bathroom or quickly run into the womens one when there aren't many people around because I can still come across as male... I live in the worst state when it comes to the bathroom situation. (Unsure if I'd actually have to stick with the womens bathroom due to a bill.) I'd say if you're confident with passing, give it a shot. But if not, try to find a handicapped/gender-neutral restroom.. and if worst comes to worst, go with the female restrooms.

[Guest José rawks sox]

I came out to my dad via text but he basically chose to ignore it, he still calls me his "daughter."

Anyways. Where do you guys get your binders? Is there anyway I can sneak mine somehow to my house? What else should I know about them?

Also, bathrooms. Do you use the mens room? I can't pass, so I most likely can't go in there without being reported. I really would like to start using it, but I'm so afraid.

thanks for anything you can help me with.

shawn~

hey shawn,

sorry to hear that your father ignored the text, try to give him some time even though it's hard. he may come around. it's very hard to come out in the first place do to how people may react or so I find myself feeling fear at times due to that so I give you a lot of credit being able to tell him. I was terrified to come out to my own father even though he lives all the way in Puerto rico an i'm in ny. as far as binders, I've looked on various websites to get an idea of price range ect but I haven't actually ordered one made for an FTM, ive been binding for a long time now however what ive used to bind i wouldn't recommend due to it being very constricting and not comfortable at all. if you are small on top some guys can get away with wearing an athletic compression type shirt, another possibility if you are small would be a high impact sports bra (the word still makes me cringe at times but it may work depending on your size.) as for bathrooms, if you use the mens restroom use caution if you have trouble passing. if you do use the mens room, most importantly do not make eye contact or speak to anyone, just get in and get out as quickly as possible. i try to find a stall farthest away because i feel most comfortable that way, i never like using any public bathrooms even if they are gender friendly, i can't always go when people are around lol. sorry if i wasn't able to be of much help but i wish you the best of luck with your father coming around about this!

[Guest Specter]

I got mine from UnderWorks. They've lasted a good 4 years too, so it's worth the price in my opinion. As for public restrooms, I honestly haven't built up the courage or confidence to use the mens room just yet, despite being on T for 4 months. I still look for family restrooms. :|

[Guest Kai Reddtail]

I am pre-everything, and I don't pass 100% of the time, but recently I did use a men's restroom. I kept getting stared at in the women's, and I was tired of going in the wrong one so that day I said "Screw this" and went in the men's room.
I was scared but, for the most part men don't really take notice in the washroom. Go in, pee, get out. Nobody gave me a second look.