First VA Visit...a little awkward

[Guest Seanna]

So, I had my first Dr. appointment with the VA today and planned from the beginning to tell them that I'm trans (even though I still present primarily male in public.) I brought a print-out of the directive with me, as well as receipts from my previous therapist with the "GID" (I loathe that term) diagnosis just in case I ran into any roadblocks. I had never been before and they only provided the last name of my doctor on the appointment slip, so I was a little worried about whether I would have a man or a woman. I checked in and waited a few minutes, then the nurse called me in. She was new there, but incredibly nice. We chatted quite a bit and she took my basic information and asked some questions about pains, depression and PTSD. During the conversation, she started telling me about some follow-up questions the doctor would ask and then came the pronoun I'd been dreading - "He". So, I knew that I would have a male doctor, which was a bit unsettling but, with how nice everyone had been, I figured it wouldn't be that bad...I was wrong.

The nurse sent me back to the waiting room and I sat a little longer, then my name was called again. I looked up, anxious to gauge my doctors demeanor, and saw a heavy-set Italian man with the stereotypical gold chain necklace poking out from his top three undone buttons. "I can still do this" I told myself, trying not to judge too quickly. He took me into the exam room and, after waiting several minutes for him to finish a previous report, began asking many of the same questions the nurse had asked. Not too bad so far...then he started in with the general crude male conversation as if we were a couple of guys sitting in a dive bar. I grew accustomed to this sort of talk in the Army, so I just politely nodded and grinned. Then he pulled up the internet to search some medical information about bone growth (I've been having some problems with my rib cage) and accidentally opened his other tab which had a "scantily clad maid" service pulled up...GREAT! He tried to brush it off and said "I'm looking for a maid" with a snark grin and a bit of a snicker. He continued with the male chatter, advised me that I need to go to the gym and "bulk up", tried to give me some workout tips, showed me a picture of his (totally ripped) gym buddy, talking about how big his chest was and even made a few inappropriate sex jokes. He finally got to the part about mental health but, by this point, there was no way in hell I was going to talk to him. I simply told him that I was "depressed" and wanted to see mental health. Luckily, they have a staff psychologist for immediate consults.

He sent me next door and I saw the psychologist, who was also a man, but much less macho. I immediately told him my issue and he set me up to see one of their psychiatrists. I requested a female and he said it would be no problem. He even helped me file to change my primary care doctor and request a female.

Overall, other than the macho, cheauvanistic doctor, it was a pleasant and easy experience. I definitely think it will be better next time and look forward to working with them in the future. I still wish I could see my GT, but I can't afford her anymore, so I guess I'll take what I can get and hope for the best. Next up - HRT.

[Guest]

Wow, I think I would've high tailed it out of the office at the sight of the first Doctor.

Good on you for sticking with it, Shea.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Gerilynn]

Fantastic! You stayed with it. Like Joann said I would have hightailed it out of there then been upset and wanting to complain. You are inspirational.

Hope the VA system does a great job for you.

Hugs

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

It was very brave of you to stay there when it would have been a lot easier to "tuck tail and run!" Good for you Shea.

Sophia

[Guest Merc]

...general crude male conversation as if we were a couple of guys sitting in a dive bar. I grew accustomed to this sort of talk in the Army

Don't I know how that feels . Sometimes I felt like I had to be even more ridiculous than others in my unit so nobody would think I was gay/queer/trans. I think it worked, although, my LT would always joke about me wearing dresses and putting on lipstick. I suppose he was a funny dude--the only time I saw him respectfully serious was when he learned I was getting out early.

I think a lot of VA clinic visits are generally the same when it comes to trans* issues. The third time I went to go visit a psychiatrist, who proceeded to quote statistics from the 70's about how people were SO unhappy about their decision to get SRS. Not more than 5 minutes prior to that, he called some colleague and referred to me as a "transgender male." I wanted to write him a nasty letter really badly. I'm glad I didn't, though; why do I care how educated he is on the matter?

Since then, I've been transferred to a larger clinic in SLC, and sometimes when I check in at the front desk they'll yell, "Oh you're name is JEREMY!?!?" ..to which I get some strange stares as I go sit down and wait for my appointment. As I think about it, these small things cause a lot of irritation and commotion in my emotional state, but some wise person once said, "One who does not know true pain, does not know true peace." I guess such is life huh?

~Emily