Not MtF... Neutrois?

[Guest Chimericallison]

A few years ago, the alarm went off to transition. I'm living full-time as female now, although HRT is still forthcoming, but now that I've become more comfortable and sure of the choice, a new uncertainty has presented itself. I'm feminine in personality, and prefer to be known as female, but I feel as though I'm some other gender. Neutrois seems to fit, although the term is somewhat broad. I'm not male, not exactly female, not both (I don't feel male at all), but not without gender, either.

Currently, I wear girly clothes and my hair long, but I'm looking forward to having a feminine enough face to crop my hair and add the occaisional suit and sundry other masculine clothes to my wardrobe, without being taken as male. I want breasts, but a B Cup at most. Most importantly, though, I can't honestly say I want vaginoplasty. I would be more happy with a vagina than what's there now, but the closest to the ideal I can imagine is to get orchiectomy, then allow the rest to atrophy. This would be SRS to me; a reassignment to... whatever it is I am.

Although it won't be in the immediate future regardless of what I do, I'm afraid that I'll later want vaginoplasty and not have the tissue for it. It's also possible that the fuzzy-headedness of testosterone is impairing my judgement. Has anyone here had similar experiences?

[Guest Luna_Luv2942]

I'm not on HRT or full time but I feel pretty much exactly the way you do. Which is great since now I know I am not the only one (-: I can't say if it is normal but I bet it happens to more people than we think.

[Guest Strong]

I'm not on hrt either but feel like i'm full time male.

[Guest Chimericallison]

I've already been to a gender therapist, and have been on HRT before, but there has been... adversity. The thing that I have doubts about is the surgery, since it would be more or less permanent.