Expectations

[Guest letmebe_me]

my parents etc have all these expectations of me. they assume im in2 guys (cos im female to them - i get 'a nice young girl *urgh* like you should be going out with guys and having guys around...so many guys like you...' etc) when its so obvious im not into guys(ive never had a real bf and never have like celeb crushes on guys and stuff). they want me to find a nice bf 2 bring home 4 tea or something. they keep bugging me all the time and my brothers now tease me over it (saying that im a virgin and that ive never had a bf or never kissed any1 and all sorts of rubbish, if only they knew the real me haha ) i would rather bring a girl home but im not sure how theyd react. i constantly get asked if i have a bf yet by my grandparents, parents etc. about kids etc (they are desperate for me to give them grandkids, they always bring up 'youd b a good mum' etc if im like playin with my nephew or something, any chance they get). and if theres a guy in a shop or wherever theyl b like 'ooh hes nice, do you like him? go talk to him, oh he just looked at you!' or 'that guys looking at you, go talk to him'. etc. and its so frustrating. its goten worse as ive goten older. do u think its bcos they maybe have some idea that im not into guys? i duno :-/ just wish theyd not assume and just let me be, not bug me all the time. if i want kids or a bf or watever then i will its not who i am and its not what i want. especially not kids yet, i feel im too young, plus i want to be a DAD not a mum. sorry, feel kinda stressed over this and had to get it out. i can understand they want the best 4 me and everything but grrrr

daniel

[Guest matthew41]

Daniel,

Unfortunately those kind of expectations are completely natural to parents. It begins when you are born. When you reach the age you are now and haven't yet shown that you conform to social norms for your age and gender, its normal for your family to start pressuring you. In a way they are asking

indirect questions; Why don't you show and interest in boys? Do you want kids? Isn't a dream of yours to be a mum, like other girls? etc.

I was your age when I came out to my folks and it went over like a lead balloon. But I failed to test the waters first. It sound like they have no clue what so ever that your not what they assume you to be. If this pressure is getting to be too much and you are contemplating coming out, its a good idea to start out slow. Do you know if your brothers or parents are tolerant of persons who are GLBorT? You might ask questions of them in a general sort of way to find out. Its a place to start.

Matt

[Nick J]

Blah, more often than not i used to get that - parents seem to expect that youll grow up meet a nice boy [or girl if youre a bio guy] youll have kids and a nice house etc etc. i have a suspicion my dad doesnt like it that i cant give him grandkids too, it really sucks. he's really supportive though but i can help but feel an utterance of disappointment

[Guest Mani]

You could try telling them that you would rather focus on studies/work/etc then date. That might get some of the pressure lessened.

~Mani

[Nick J]

You could try telling them that you would rather focus on studies/work/etc then date. That might get some of the pressure lessened.

~Mani

haha i tried that one i got 'you career girls eh'

:| :|

[Guest letmebe_me]

they now know so i think they wont mention boyfriends to me now