Trans something or other

[Guest rbulova]

Hi all, and thank you for letting me post here. Middle-aged white male here, was married 30 years, two great kids. Been confused since I was a teen. Began by shaving off my chest and pubic hair. Then in early 20s, reverted to wearing boys undies again. Just clipped out the label so wifey wouldn't notice in the laundry. Often wore them when making love, enjoying the feel of my penis emerging from the small fly, and how my testicles would be held tightly against me. After a while, occasionally wore girls panties, but had to hide those of course. Did this until middle age spread made them uncomfortably tight. After my marriage crashed, began wearing women's panties 24/7. Almost all are the same style: cotton, full size "granny panties" with cuff, not elastic, leg openings. Reminiscent perhaps of training pants? Socially, I've always been a loner. Just never "one of the guys", but generally not shunned. I present a masculine demeanor, nothing sissy like. Had a career as a research scientist and Army Reserves. At independent or team work, I was considered quite good, but had absolutely no leadership ability. Lacked "empathy", I've been told. Began to see a shrink. After several years, on and off, I realized that I was, in many ways, still a boy who hadn't fully transitioned to male adulthood. Explains my dislike of wearing adult male underwear. I've been wearing mostly female clothing now for years, but not frilly, dresses, wigs, or makeup. Androgynous appearing, identifiable only for the zippers or buttons being on the left side and perhaps a little fullness in the hips and thighs. Have never been called on this, although receive occasional comments about my short shorts. But no real desire to be an adult female, just not an adult male. So here I am, apparently a child in an adult body. I love looking at kids, male and female, wishing I could be like them again. My own childhood was not pleasant. An only child until a little brother came on the scene when i was 11. I had a very controlling mother who was both physically and mentally very abusive. I wish a solution could be as simple as having a sex change; I wish my genitals could revert to their prepubescent appearance. Thank you for reading this. I'd welcome your comments.

[Guest LizMarie]

Welcome to Laura's!

One of the things that many of us who are older have found beneficial is working through all the issues from our childhood and early adulthood with a therapist. Have you seen a therapist yet? You might want to find one with prior experience in gender identity issues too.

Regardless, please feel comfortable and ask whatever questions you wish!

[Carolyn Marie]

Thank you for telling us about yourself, hon. Do you prefer being called RB, or do you have another you prefer?

Your life story is similar in respects to many of ours, but also different in some respects. That is as it should be, since we are all unique, and there are no litmus tests for any of this, or shouldn't be, anyway.

I hope that a read through some of the forums will make you feel at home here, and I encourage you to ask any questions that you like, either in an existing thread, or in your own. You may know by now the Terms and Conditions under which we operate, but if not, please do read them, as they help us keep the site safe for everyone.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi rbulova,

My apologies for not seeing your post until now. Welcome welcome welcome to Laura's Playground

Come right on in and make yourself comfotable hon.

Love

Brenda

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi ,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.
We all look forward to seeing you.
vanna