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I'm Not A Butch Lesbian!


Guest Zack L

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Title and description basically say it all -- my Mom's convinced there's no difference between being trans and being a butch lesbian. I've continually tried, and failed, to explain the difference, and was wondering if anyone had any experiance with this issue and thus any tips for explaining. I've explained that gender and sexual orientation are different, and that just because I haven't got a penis doesn't mean I'm not a man, but she just doesn't seem to get it and refuses to accept. So...any ideas? =/

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Guest Little Sara

Julia Serano's book and trying to explain the concept of subconscious sex? I think Julia is pretty direct and clear in what she writes. Both MtF, feminism and laymen would understand what she says, even if her book is really a part of trans-feminism.

Lots of head-desking ahead I'm sure. I can sympathize. I hope things go well. Denial is the hardest phase to get parents through imo.

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You could look up books on Trans or find some information on us and print it out. Either sit down with her and ask her to go over the information with you or hand it over to her and hope she reads it. Maybe you can ask here to go to a gender therapist with you. S/He can explain things a little better.

However, sometimes parents can refuse to 'accept' things about being trans as they are still in shock. So no matter how much information you give her she'll just automatically reject it. To deal with this I think you just need to show her the difference by showing that you still love her as your mother but continuing on your journey. Give her time to soak this all up because it takes everyone different amounts of times to deal with things like this.

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im sorry to hear your current difficulties, but it can be hard for parents to understand

further through your transition you may find she will be more accepting when she can see more of a change

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I label hopped the past four years -- straight, to bi, to lesbian, to maybe bi still, to lesbian, to maybe bi again....now she thinks I'm just label hopping again. Doesn't get that I was label hopping because my orientation wasn't what was wrong. >_< Now I think I've settled on pan, I'm thinking I'm done now. XD

But yeah. She refuses to read anything and I have trouble talking about it without getting really angry because of the things she says and how she says them...so I guess I'll just have to wait. If nothing happens...her loss, I guess.

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