Am I Transgender or Am I Obsessed?

[Guest Burning Spirit]

One of these awful problems I have is with girls, a side of me wants to love them or be friends with but another is transgender and wants to be like them and live like them which makes me feel full of joy and happiness to be the opposite sex. When I see beautiful women sometimes I get a painful desire to want to be one of them. It's like I want to live a normal man's life but this side of me is just obsessed and keeps having all these fantasies of wanting to be a girl.

I hate this collision of my reactions towards girls, but I feel either side of me I want to be one with them

Whether I'm a man, women, something in between feels irrelevant to me. I am what I am but sometimes these emotions increase my fantasies.

Do I have a split personality?

Though I should see a therapist I want to know what you guys think. I like to discover things for myself.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

You sound like you may be young.

It is not uncommon to fluctuate in our sexual orientation and gender identity.

With time, you will eventually settle where you feel most comfortable.

It is also not uncommon for some transgender people to be Bisexual.

Do not be concerned about labels, instead concentrate on what makes you Most Happy.

This link by the nhs in the UK may be of some help to you.

Teenagers and Gender Identity http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Pages/Transyoungpeople.aspx

Some other resources in the UK that may be helpful to you are:

community.

Some additional UK resources for you. Coventry and Warwickshire Friend: 024 7671 4199

http://cwfriend.co.uk/?page_id=331

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Trans? Confused? Lonely? Need to Talk? - Coventry & Warwickshire Friend 024 7671 4199 Monday - Friday 7.30-9pm. Confidential, Support, Information, Befriending, Social Activities, Become a Volunteer

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Genderedintelligence http://genderedintelligence.co.uk/

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UK Counselling Support Network

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/search.php?search=transgender&uqs=233803&search_entire_site=yes&page=1

The UK counseling support network enables those in distress to find a counselor close to them and appropriate for their needs. The search is a free, confidential service. The website also contains a number of sections on emotional disorders (types of distress section) and provides some useful statistics. Every counselor on the site who has submitted their profile has either sent a copy of their qualifications and insurance cover to them, or is registered with a professional body online with recognized codes of ethics and practice, to be assured of their professionalism

I hope this information is of some help to you.

I wish you Happiness where ever your Journey takes you.

Hugs,

Carla

[Charlize]

I have always loved women and wanted to be a woman . I know how you feel. i don't think that the two are incompatible. Your path may take you in a different direction but don't feel you can't be true to yourself. Seeing a therapist is a good idea. It helps me to find my path and find some comfort in being me. Mostly because my GT allowed me to find myself and gave me the assistance i needed. Things are often easier with better outcomes with the help of others. So far i am still attracted to women but now i am a woman myself. Perhaps i always was. Hope you can find peace with being yourself

[VickySGV]

Gender Dysphoria can sometimes masquerade as OC behavior and vice versa. Is the desire to lead a "normal male life" the OC behavior though? It all can be some of both and a lot of neither. Therapy is the place where you talk and wander about what is going on in your life. The therapist will ask the questions you are afraid to ask yourself, or do not have enough information to even form a question. You will need to come up with your own answers in time.

If you are even curious though, you most likely have some Gender Dysphoria, but where it will lead you is yours alone. You may get off as lightly as having fuel for pleasant daydreams that will be all you need. You may go to outward expression in a very limited sense, such as using skin softeners and lighter body fragrences. There is a one in one thousand chance you may get to SRS. I know I am being un-helpful, but it must be your decision. Could you be ????? Yes you could be!!! But what is the bottom line.

[Cyndee]

You've received wonderful answers already, sounds like a hetrosexual attraction as him competing with lesbian attraction as her, either way it brings you to the question of your gender identity, and where you may view yourself. It's sounds like you are leaning towards dual role, might be time to let her out and play a while, see how she likes it, then see if he can hold on....

It's just been my experience that the desire to be a girl is unrelenting and is part of the gender dysphoria I experience, eventually I just succumbed to it. Fighting off the desire to be female, caused much stress and other problems. I got wise to it, and turned and faced my reality.

Cyndi -

[Guest ~Emmie~]

I think the idea of you "letting her out" is an excellent idea; whether you are in a relationship now, or not, finding someone who is comfortable with you exploring that feminine side of yourself is a good goal. If that side of yourself is just another aspect of your personality, expressing her even through art or music, is a way to release something you've probably kept pent-up for a long time.

As for your worries, I don't think you have a split-personality. People with Multiple Personality Disorder are typically dissociative, where multiple instances of one person can exist within the same body, typically unaware of one another- its different from fantasizing about being a woman/girl, and again different from feeling like one.

[Guest Paulette B]

You've asked some specific questions, so I think you deserve specific answers.

Are you obsessed? Of course you are, but be aware that this not necessarily a bad thing. If you have a safe, non-self-destructive outlet for your obsession, it's cool. You're not hurting anyone and it isn't a crime to want to be or want to look like or disguise yourself as someone of the opposite sex. It's only a crime to disguise yourself in order to commit a crime, and you aren't doing that. But please remember that I began with "safe." (However, if you are a minor it's up to your parents as to "what to do" about you. See how they feel about transgender and LBGT issues in general, and respond accordingly.)

Do I have a split personality? Probably not. What you have is more likely a conflict of desires. Social expectations against personal/physical needs. That is, your body tells you to go with dressing, behaving and being female, and your fear of social punishment says that your desires are sinful and really, really bad. Read this again and think about which way feels best - but keep in mine that you may dither or change your mind many times before you settle on who you are and where you want to go. Also, try to be realistic: regardless of your impulses, a fifty+ year-old man cannot pass for a twelve-year-old Lolita.

"Indecision" can be a very solid place to be. It doesn't mean you can't decide, it only means that you haven't decided yet. You'll get there when you get there. How you feel about not deciding is something else, and only time and experience will make it comfortable.

"I am what I am but sometimes these emotions increase my fantasies." So be, and present yourself, as who you are. Ask your girlfriends how they feel about LGBT, especially the T - transgender and transgender. Then, depending on how accepting they are, tell them where you think you are at that time. They may not be entirely sure of where they are, and they may find it nice to explore with someone who is a non-judgmental friend with questions of their own.

Good luck and best wishes! And let us know how things work out for you, short tern and long term.

[Guest JohnV]

Gender identity (unfortunately) can be tricky business.

Some people immediately figure out/know right away

Others are uncertain and it takes a while

For me I figured out who I was when I was 16. It sort of hit me like a brick wall.

The main character in all of my stories that I had was always the same. His name was Johnathan

and he was a personification of myself. When I realized that, I sorta just knew. I still went through denial and acceptance

cycles but eventually I figured out I was a man.

I would allow yourself time. There are plenty of men that cross-dress but still identify as being male despite enjoying being feminine/dressing femininely. Time will most likely be your best friend in your situation.

I would experiment with dressing up, etc if that is what makes you feel comfortable and happy. It will all work itself out in the end. Just gotta give yourself time

Sorry I can't offer more help for you. I know no one likes hearing that they have to wait for things to sort themselves out.

[Guest ErinJade]

I can't really offer any help, per say, but at least know you're not completely alone in feeling this way. Sometimes I feel like I shift into separate habituses (habitii?) depending on the situation; sometimes very okay with how things are, and other times very unhappy with everything (body, social status, etc). I do often wish I were a girl, but I also very much like girls... I also hate that I'm never going to know what it's like to really have been a girl, and then I hate that I think that way because I know how fluid gender actually is. It's all very confusing.

The therapist does help quite a bit, though, but a lot of it still ends up being 'time will help'.

I will, however, say that I don't really wish to live a normal man's life... I mean, I know what I have and I know who I am at the moment, and there's the issue of privilege and the way society views things, so my feelings are pretty mixed, but still... It's not like I wanna run around in frilly dresses or anything (not that there's anything wrong with that), I just don't think I'm exactly right the way I am right now, physically.

I'm sorry, I know I'm probably not really helping here, but hopefully some solidarity is a good thing?

[Guest Paulette B]

Finding out who or what you are can be weird.

I was a political activist and organizer during the Iraq invasions - both of them. In 2003 I set up a web site listing the names of all those killed on all sides of that war, as well as those in Afghanistan. Then I made 8' tall posters with the names, dates, and locations of each death, and held monthly ceremonies in a park in Portland. The idea was to memorialize all who died, not just Americans, and to make a public statement of sorrow for their deaths. Although I had been a US Marine in the 50s, I'd never been in combat, and wanted to become emotionally more open to the experience of loss, the meaning of so many deaths, and even of PTSD. I had to quit making and displaying the posters and managing the website in 2005 because I couldn't deal with it any more. The emotional toll of recording and pasting each name, and then reciting them all once a month, was simply too much for me.

I found that I was now emotionally more open than I'd ever been. I cried more readily, and found that I could no longer sing anti-war songs or speak in public without crying. That was the end of my organizing, though I've continued to write. I often cry when reading anything emotionally wrenching or inspirational. And it doesn't embarrass me.

This may or may not be more feminine, but it's certainly releases feelings that would otherwise stay bottled up or turn into anger. It was an experiment in emotional expression and feeling that changed me in significant ways. I don't regret it, but I don't recommend it either.

[Guest AshleighP]

So much amazing information and advice! I have nothing to add except, be true to yourself (so cliche, right). I think more people than will admit have many of the same thoughts and concerns. It is only those who can be honest with themselves will open engage and possibly act upon these thoughts. It appears you are on the right track and will receive excellent support and advice here. Bets of luck.

[Guest meaenglsh]

when i first started coming out i stumbled upon the two spirit concept. actually i had known about two spirit for a long time but i rediscovered it just in time. !! anyway it gave me a unified platform to understand the duality that was so strong in me. i thought. the duality of male and female is a false concept i think. a spectrum between the polars is more real to me. but feeling like there are two of you inside is unique. that means you have a well defined male and female idea inside. the american indians relaized this knowledge (or being ) to be very useful to the tribe. its like both sides of the brain were being used in the individual (finally). the wealth of decisions from trans people were praised to such an extent that at least one was always included in council, and the council would never begin without them. it is a gift you have these feelings. not just for you but for those around you. when you settle down with them your effectiveness at social interaction will seem tenuous. it takes time to work out. but others around you will notice the power and gravitate towards it. they will also be repulsed by it. that is the nature of power. luckily along with all that power is your sweet heart. if you can give your heart to others your transition will be smoother and more fruitful. and smile. always smile.