Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Self medicating depression with drugs.


Guest Serena23

Recommended Posts

Guest Serena23

I have really bad depression and I take pain pills to cope with it. I feel like there's something so wrong with me. Like why can't I have the will to change my life? I know that it's something that will help cure my depression, but like I'm so afraid of what people will say or even that they may try and harm me. I get really upset a lot of the times and I cry nearly everyday just wishing I would die. When I'm feeling that way I cut myself. I've admitted myself to a psych center this year but signed myself out after a couple days. I just wanna have the strength to be myself and allow myself to be happy :( just sick of the way things are, something has to change. I can't keep taking the amount of pills I do it's just they numb me out and I don't feel as emotional as usual. I just wanna feel I have some control and feel like I'm not so alone in the world. And I do feel so messed up, like even on here I feel different because I'm not doing HRT :( I don't really know where to go to get it, I just dunno where to start and I wanna have my life on track soon as possible :( I just really need some help and I dunno where on Earth to turn so I'm just hoping ppl know how to steer me in the right direction to fix the many problems I have going on... Please help, I'm running out of options :(

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Are you getting any psychological counseling? If not, you might want to give it a try. Are there any GLBT or NA groups in your area. That could be an option for you. If you haven't yet joined the chat, I would urge you to do so. Talking one on one with one of the moderators there can be very beneficial. The bottom line is, reach out. You shouldn't have to go it alone. Help is available.

MaryEllen

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Please don't feel like you need to be 'doing" HRT to be here. Many of us are not ever going to go there. The pills you are taking can become a real problem. I am an addict in recovery. It was very hard to get out from under the weight of addiction. It kept me from finding myself for years. Please find help for your drug use either at a rehab or with help from NA or AA. We have a group here that meets 9 eastern on Sunday of other trans addicts with all types of gender issues. Please keep reaching out. You are not alone as many of us have been where you are now. It sounds like you have found that life has become unmanageable. That is a huge step! Now getting help is a must. We can't do it alone. The fear and embarrassment melted away for me as i confronted my addiction. I have seen that happen for many now after 6 years of being clean. It can for you as well. Pm me or others who post in the substance area. We all help each other as we can.

Hugs,

Charlie

Link to comment

I am in the same boat as Charlie and others here, so I can only speak from my recovery. Getting rehab, getting in a recovery program and getting your gender issues sorted out is a good thing. Two things I do know. Many medicines whether prescibed or not negatively impact the good effects of HRT, the more the pill use the less the hormones help. The second is female hormones will elevate mood swings, oh I can get very emotional! It's a good thing for me, lots of tears of joy. If excessive pill use is in play to suppress and fix the emotions. It becomes like a dog chasing it's tail. HRT, emotions, pills and acting out to repress the emotions, less HRT good effects, need more hormones, more emotions more bad behavior, until there is no joy left. Only pain and pills and an extreme loss of my health and sanity like a down hill spiral into the tubes. Well you get my drift here I think. These programs are not a magic wand, it's people helping people make the effort.

None of these things can we effectively do alone, fear and a feeling that we are alone and different conspire to keep us from the help we need. You are like us, we are like you. That is why we know the help is there and also why it seems so hard to get. I love being in recovery, I love the new me today, it sure beats the drugs and alcohol my old "He" did. Hug. JodyAnn

Link to comment
  • Admin

And I do feel so messed up, like even on here I feel different because I'm not doing HRT :( I don't really know where to go to get it, I just dunno where to start and I wanna have my life on track soon as possible :(

Serena, as the others have said, you don't need to be on HRT, or even planning to be, in order to be an active member here. More importantly, you should understand that HRT is not going to solve all of your problems. It is a means to a goal, and shouldn't be the goal itself. You need to understand yourself better first, and as you've already said, you need to take charge of your life. Do that first, and then worry about transition, if that is still important to you.

The first step is to get professional help, either through a group such as NA or a therapy group, or by individual therapy. Find an LGBT center that either has counseling services or can refer you, or just see a general therapist, who can at least get you going in the right direction.

To paraphrase one of my favorite poems, "You are the master of your fate, you are the captain of your soul."

Take care of yourself, Serena. I am rooting for you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
Guest April Kristie

Serena, I was addicted to pain meds (for pain) for twelve years, I am six months free of the nasty stuff and feeling myself again for the first time in a long time. I am in the beginning throws of a late life transition, that feels so right. Do yourself a favor and rid your body of those negative items. Get the help you need as outlined in earlier posts. We do not live alone, and who we are is affected by how we relate to those around us. Think about it please.

Link to comment
Guest Carla_Davis

Hi Serena,

First, let me start with this comment.

"I'm so afraid of what people will say or even that they may try and harm me. I get really upset a lot of the times and I cry nearly everyday just wishing I would die."

Why are you so afraid? You are assuming that people will treat you badly, which is probably not correct.

Seeing a Gender Therapist would help you deal with some of these issues.

Are your pills Anti-Psychotic medications? If so, discuss your side effects with the doctor prescribing them to you.

Your doctor can change prescriptions to other meds that do not make you so "Numb"

Also, some meds will "Numb" you until your body gets used to them.

Today, with new Anti-Depressant medications and Psychotherapy there is no reason anyone needs to suffer Depression.

I also agree with MaryEllen, locating an LGBT Center or Transgender Support Group would be helpful to you.

I suffered Suicidal Thoughts and Major Depression for over 40 years.

Today, with the correct meds that I am on and regular Mental Health visits I could not be Happier.

I know that I will have to take my Psych. meds for the rest of my life but it is in the best interest of my Mental Health.

I do not like having to take them, but I know it is a necessity.

When I first Came-Out and Transitioned Full-Time, I was also afraid everyone was watching me, and no one did.

The more I went out and was not harassed, the more comfortable I became.

I have NEVER been harassed or the victim of any violence in Public since I Came-Out and Transitioned Full-Time.

The Public actually treated me better than my own family.

People are not as cruel as you think they are, give them a chance and do not be so hard on yourself.

One place to look for Transgender Support Groups is here, they are sorted alphabetically by State.

Laura's Playground Transgender Support Groups http://www.lauras-playground.com/trans_support_groups.htm

Take small goals or steps that you can easily accomplish, instead of large goals that are difficulty to achieve and result in your getting Depressed.

All of us were afraid when first Coming-Out because it is normal to fear the unknown, but not normal when the fear becomes excessive.

I wish you much Happiness and Success on your Journey.

Please continue to post any questions that you may have.

There is lots of Support here for you.

Hugs,

Carla

Link to comment
Guest Serena23

It's really hard being in the middle of the bible belt where everyone looks at you like you're some problem that needs to be fixed. Aside from that, I can't find any place to go for help. Like I even checked myself into a psych center, but signed myself out after 2 days. I had cut myself one night when I was drinking. Well cut myself like 17 times. I knew I needed help, but being in that place made me feel even more crazier. When you live in this backwoods place like I do, you find absolutely no help. There's nothing that caters specifically towards the LGBTQ community. So that's why I have like no place to turn. I'd just like to have options. I'm like this ball of anger and sadness facing 4 walls. I was on Prozac at one time, helped a little. Then an FNP said they have been taking Zoloft for years and it helped them. Zoloft was a complete joke for me and yes I know antidepressants work different for every individual. The core of my depression is being TG. Without addressing that, no amount of drugs (prescribed or street) will do anything for me. I honestly just wanna know where to go, and who to contact in order to start the process. Like what do I do? Google 'suicidal, depressed, transgender addict help in KY'? As far as the fear that I have goes, I am kind of seeing it differently now. I want to be out and open so that other people can look at me and find their own stength to be true to themselves in such a hostile environment. But back to what I was saying, how do I find a therapist and who can start me on HRT? I'm guessing an Endroconologist, but I mean I really have no idea. I know that so many on here are doing HRT, I just want to know how to start it myself :(

Link to comment

It's really hard being in the middle of the bible belt where everyone looks at you like you're some problem that needs to be fixed. Aside from that, I can't find any place to go for help. Like I even checked myself into a psych center, but signed myself out after 2 days. I had cut myself one night when I was drinking. Well cut myself like 17 times. I knew I needed help, but being in that place made me feel even more crazier. When you live in this backwoods place like I do, you find absolutely no help. There's nothing that caters specifically towards the LGBTQ community. So that's why I have like no place to turn. I'd just like to have options. I'm like this ball of anger and sadness facing 4 walls. I was on Prozac at one time, helped a little. Then an FNP said they have been taking Zoloft for years and it helped them. Zoloft was a complete joke for me and yes I know antidepressants work different for every individual. The core of my depression is being TG. Without addressing that, no amount of drugs (prescribed or street) will do anything for me. I honestly just wanna know where to go, and who to contact in order to start the process. Like what do I do? Google 'suicidal, depressed, transgender addict help in KY'? As far as the fear that I have goes, I am kind of seeing it differently now. I want to be out and open so that other people can look at me and find their own stength to be true to themselves in such a hostile environment. But back to what I was saying, how do I find a therapist and who can start me on HRT? I'm guessing an Endroconologist, but I mean I really have no idea. I know that so many on here are doing HRT, I just want to know how to start it myself :(

I'm sure there are transexuals in Louisville, Lexington, Cincinati, Nashville...Somewhere within 150 miles of you must be an urban area which provides the services you need, including lgbt support... A friend of mine drives three hours through the mountains out west to get what she needs. So perhaps you are right that you need to Google it...

I agree with Carla incidently, that you may be surprised when you start presenting as your true self in public. If you are away from where everyone knows the "old you" they will simply see the true you, the beauty and the flaws, but without a context of being your ex-neighbor or cousin or whatever...

So if you need to be mobile to achieve your dreams and destiny, be mobile and go where you need to go.

Hugs

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest Serena23

I agree with Carla incidently, that you may be surprised when you start presenting as your true self in public. If you are away from where everyone knows the "old you" they will simply see the true you, the beauty and the flaws, but without a context of being your ex-neighbor or cousin or whatever...

I agree with that, and I could almost see myself going out in public. Only thing is I'd prolly have to be super high to do it. Naturally my main issue is passing and I feel with HRT I'll have more confidence with it.

Link to comment

Does "super high" refer to HRT, positive mental attitude, or getting messed up on drugs? Cause if passing is your main issue, druggin' don't make you prettier, it just make you think you're prettier, lol!:)

I've been having alot of fun this summer being myself dining, shopping, catching AA meetings, going to museums etc. No one has disrespected me yet.... Do i "pass"? Dunno.... probably less than 50% among folks that check me out. Once you just start living your life and not walkin' down the street wondering if everyone is staring at you, you'll find that fewer people are staring at you... All those nonverbal cues like being stiff, uptight etc cause folks to instinctively pick up on it. Chill... be yourself... most people won't spend 30 seconds thinking about you whether they read you or not.... I wouldn't walk in front of an open air redneck bar at 11 o'clock at night but the places I go are cool. Stay away from dangerous places and just be yourself honey....

Hugs

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest Serena23

I mean high on street drugs yeah lol to ease the tension I guess.. I'm kinda going out tonight, but not going to be in public really. Mainly driving around by myself. I honestly believe the reason I never see anyone like me is because of how religious & intolerent the community here is. I mean you drive 2 hours in any direction and you're still in the heart of it. Like no one has ever began a transition here, and I can say that because of how small the area is. Anything happens, everyone knows. All I know is if I continue to live like this, I won't stop doing street drugs because without moving forward life is meaningless to me and I'd rather stay blowed out of my mind then crying 24/7. I reached out to a therapist last night, asking for help. We'll see how that goes....

Link to comment

I mean high on street drugs yeah lol to ease the tension I guess.. I'm kinda going out tonight, but not going to be in public really. Mainly driving around by myself. I honestly believe the reason I never see anyone like me is because of how religious & intolerent the community here is. I mean you drive 2 hours in any direction and you're still in the heart of it. Like no one has ever began a transition here, and I can say that because of how small the area is. Anything happens, everyone knows. All I know is if I continue to live like this, I won't stop doing street drugs because without moving forward life is meaningless to me and I'd rather stay blowed out of my mind then crying 24/7. I reached out to a therapist last night, asking for help. We'll see how that goes....

The ultimate paradox in addiction or heavy using, my dear, is that we use because we think we can't move forward anyway, but the reality is that using prevents us from moving forward.... whereas there is a possibility that your efforts are futile without using drugs, the reality is that your efforts are guaranteed to be futile if you are using drugs regularly...

Much Love

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest Serena23

Is there no gray area at all in this? What I'm hearing is that the drug use needs to stop regardless if I'm not immediately starting HRT. It's hard to stop the only thing in my life that remotely makes me feel good. And I just don't feel everyone's path must be the same. I guess this is why I don't feel I belong here because I don't really feel stopping is best for me until I do HRT. It's really just ruining my confidence and making me feel like I'm always wrong. Even if I do stop, what am I suppose to do? Sit in my room all day crying and wanting to hurt myself? In my mind, starting HRT immediately is the best thing for me, am I wrong on this?

Link to comment
Guest Sarah Faith

Serena, no one here can make you do anything you don't want to, there are rules in the T&C that Illegal drugs and what not cannot be supported which is why we can't give you an answer aside from what you have been given. Drug use is undoubtedly bad, but there are grey areas everywhere in life and ultimately it is up for you to decide but It's important to know that hormones are hard on the liver and can lead to clots and other problems. The more you damage your body with drugs the harder time your body may have with HRT.

You have to do what you think is best for you, but if you are high on drugs 24/7 then you will be unable to have a clear enough mind to actually begin putting a plan together to actually move forward with your life. Being with out the drugs will be hard at first no doubt and it will make everything seem scarier but you really do need a clear mind to plan our the things you need to do to get to a place in life where you aren't crying 24/7.

We all have our addictions and distractions for me I binged on food, and I ate whenever I felt anything bad and it made me feel good for awhile.. I tried to get on hrt 4 years go but I weighed 350 pounds and my therapist wouldn't even write me a letter to start hrt. I had to change my lifestyle give up one of the few things that made me feel good and start working my butt off on the treadmill every single day. Changing ones life for the better is never easy but it's worth the effort you have to put in.

Get off the drugs, deal with withdraws, get your self together and direct your energy into researching the steps you need to take, ask questions, and start building a plan.

Link to comment

Serena, hun,your trials sound a bit familiar! I had a hard time over coming the alcohol and drugs, but it happened. I got clean from drugs in prison and I highly recommend that you do not try that! I have only lately beat the alcohol and that was by coming out to myself. I'm not on HRT yet, and I feel I have to get my body back in the best shape I can before do. I want this so much, that I will do anything in my power to achieve my goal. The alcohol had to go so my liver will be in its best condition to process the drugs need for my transition .

I know it's hard to give up your security blanket, but you have to if you want this,you will find your way through. This community is so supportive, you can count on someone having your back. BTW, you think where you live is bad, try rural Mississippi ! It's like living in the Dark Ages!

Just hang in there and cope. Take as much solace as you can from being able to admit to yourself who you are and wear that like armor.

Hugs

Rae

Link to comment
Guest Serena23

Serena, no one here can make you do anything you don't want to, there are rules in the T&C that Illegal drugs and what not cannot be supported which is why we can't give you an answer aside from what you have been given. Drug use is undoubtedly bad, but there are grey areas everywhere in life and ultimately it is up for you to decide but It's important to know that hormones are hard on the liver and can lead to clots and other problems. The more you damage your body with drugs the harder time your body may have with HRT.

You have to do what you think is best for you, but if you are high on drugs 24/7 then you will be unable to have a clear enough mind to actually begin putting a plan together to actually move forward with your life. Being with out the drugs will be hard at first no doubt and it will make everything seem scarier but you really do need a clear mind to plan our the things you need to do to get to a place in life where you aren't crying 24/7.

We all have our addictions and distractions for me I binged on food, and I ate whenever I felt anything bad and it made me feel good for awhile.. I tried to get on hrt 4 years go but I weighed 350 pounds and my therapist wouldn't even write me a letter to start hrt. I had to change my lifestyle give up one of the few things that made me feel good and start working my butt off on the treadmill every single day. Changing ones life for the better is never easy but it's worth the effort you have to put in.

Get off the drugs, deal with withdraws, get your self together and direct your energy into researching the steps you need to take, ask questions, and start building a plan.

That is really amazing, Sarah, I honestly mean it. I can't even imagine what that must feel like, but it is quite inspiring. I am very happy for you. The patience you showed, as well as others, is admirable and clearly something I lack :( I'm very sensitive and emotional which is why that I cry as much as I do when I'm not high on street drugs.

Serena, hun,your trials sound a bit familiar! I had a hard time over coming the alcohol and drugs, but it happened. I got clean from drugs in prison and I highly recommend that you do not try that! I have only lately beat the alcohol and that was by coming out to myself. I'm not on HRT yet, and I feel I have to get my body back in the best shape I can before do. I want this so much, that I will do anything in my power to achieve my goal. The alcohol had to go so my liver will be in its best condition to process the drugs need for my transition .

I know it's hard to give up your security blanket, but you have to if you want this,you will find your way through. This community is so supportive, you can count on someone having your back. BTW, you think where you live is bad, try rural Mississippi ! It's like living in the Dark Ages!

Just hang in there and cope. Take as much solace as you can from being able to admit to yourself who you are and wear that like armor.

Hugs

Rae

Congrats on the sobriety, Rae! I can relate to the whole getting the body back in shape, I do understand how much pressure I'm putting on my body physically. I've tried many different coping techniques, but none of them really work for me. That's probably because I have too much time on my hands and just sit at home overthinking virtually everything. I do know that if I was transitioning I would be a good girl. Fear would be a good motivator for me, because I'd be afraid of doing even the slightest illegal thing. Going to jail while transitioning would be an absolute nightmare for a couple of reasons, but none more important than my safety. I do feel like I have a plan, just maybe not one that many can agree with. In using the street drugs I just feel they're helping me be as patient as I can be. As anyone can already see, I don't want to stop the drug usage at this time and I feel I have valid reasons. I should quit though, because I'm wrong like all the time, or at least that's how others make me feel. My self-esteem is really so far down because of it. I'm just really afraid of what might happen when I'm off drugs and super emotional as usual. I don't think it's fair for anyone to expect me to play russian roulette with my own life like this, but if my current decisions aren't going to be supported here I may just cave in. My intentions are in no way to be disrespectful and I would be very upset if I was doing that by typing this because so many ppl have took the time to reach out to me and I'm absolutely grateful for that. I just can't make any promises that stopping the drug use before starting the transition won't end badly for me.

Link to comment

Just a few tid bits if you please. The very first time I came out in public I was fully en fem with my ex, She did make me feel safe and supported. It was at night the first time, day the next. We didn't do the town, we just walked around the neighborhood, next day went to the thrift store. From there she went home to her life, I ran back into my shell only creeping back out in skinny jeans and a unisex top. It made me feel better inside, it felt right for me and slowly gave me confidence in me. Yet it didn't scream look at me, I'm a girl. As you transition you may find girls (not romance) that can help you feel safe in public whlle your girl legs are wobbly. They can help you see the monster of coming out is not as big as it appears.

People messed up, don't think other people notice, Honey they do! That is the tip off something is wrong, way more than what you are wearing, even if you don't quite blend in. When I was really buzzed I got a little paranoia going and even though I think I am so smooth (not really you know), it seems like all eyes are on me. Then I act in fear and I stand out even more. This gives other people an uncomfortable vibe and then they react. Vicious cycle. Ever notice too, that tomboys can wear boy clothes and they still very much look like girls? There is some presentation for you, that will let you feel like you and still blend in with your suroundings.

A twelve step recovery program is a great place to hang out and be yourself, the only requirements are a desire to stop using and don't show up at meetings buzzed. That's the safest place I came out at. Loose the dope, it works totally against transition, way reduces the effectiveness of HRT, traps you from finding the new you. That's not from T&C, that from me, based on my personal experiance. Oh, BTW you don't have to move to LGBT hot centers, unless you want to. Most cities may be better than the country side though. Phoenix is not a progressive mecca, but we are 15,000+ Trans people strong. That's a whole lot of us that fit into the community. Giggle. Hug. JodyAnn

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
Guest April Kristie

Do not give up hope, keep trying to get your head clear first. I as a 6'8" person do not pass. Have I been out en femme sure. When people see me as a genetic male I stop people in their tracks, as a woman I for sure get stares, giggles etc. Small people with small minds. Their problem not mine. Keep yourself under the radar as a more common female and you will fit in even in the bible thumping belt. Or move to an easier place where you will be accepted. I am dress as a woman but I can kick like a mule.There is tons of support in these posts, if you are hanging with other druggies they are dragging you down. Change your environment and friends.

Link to comment
Guest Carla_Davis

Hi Serena,

I have not heard from you in a while or had anymore PM's from you.

You are obviously addicted and need some help.

You cannot be helped until you want to be helped.

Previously, I PM'ed you this information.

PLEASE, give it some serious thought.

Narcotics Anonymous is willing to help you.

Illegal drugs can be dangerous and often fatal.

"I don't want to stop the drug usage at this time and I feel I have valid reasons" There are NO valid reasons to use illegal drugs.( I cannot stress this enough)

Previously, I suffered Major Depression for over 40 years and was Very Unhappy but I never abused drugs or alcohol to find relief.

Narcotics Anonymous

http://www.na.org/

http://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3107.pdf (Please Read)

http://www.na.org/?ID=IsNAForMe-content (Please Read)

http://www.na.org/?ID=phoneline (Search USA, State-Kentucky or your Area Code) (Helplines and Support Groups)

Formerly, I was a Police Officer, Fire Fighter and an Emergency Medical Technician.

I have often seen the bad side of illegal drugs.

I cannot stress enough that you need to get help.

In our PM's, you seemed like a wonderful young woman, please take care of yourself.

One Kentucky Transgender Support group you may be interested in is:

TransKentucky http://www.transkentucky.com/site/

TransKentucky is a support, social, and resource group serving Lexington and the state of Kentucky as a whole.

I feel that being around other Trans-Women will be helpful to you.

I hope that some of the information I have provided you with will be helpful to you.

I hope to read some happier news from you in future posts.

I know it is still early, but I wish you Success and Happiness in stopping using illegal drugs and also on your Journey.

Hugs,

Carla

PS: If you would still like to PM me again, feel free.

Link to comment
Guest Carla_Davis

Hi Serena,

In addition to the dangers of using illegal drugs, from reading your Posts you do not appear to be working.

I can only assume that you pay for your drugs by being in the sex trade and/or selling drugs.

Both are very dangerous for you.

If you are in the sex trade, please get yourself checked out regularly by a doctor so that if you should contract an STD it can be treated early.

You are constantly talking about starting HRT.

NO Gender Therapist will refer you for HRT if you are using drugs, and/or unable to deal with everyday life.

NO Endocrinologist will start you on HRT if you are using illegal drugs.

They will do a base line blood test before prescribing HRT and will detect your drug use.

Again, I care about you.

PLEASE, try and get help.

It may not be easy at first, but you WILL enjoy life better.

I know it is still early, but I wish you Success and Happiness in stopping using illegal drugs and also on your Journey.

Hugs,

Carla

Link to comment
Guest saoirse

In my personal experience when trying to blur out depression with street drugs it did not help me . The drug of choice would take me away from reality for a short while but afterwards I would come crashing back down even more depressed . The stronger the drug the harder the crash . Even lighter type drugs only served to confuse as I thought through my problems and it made me very non commital , as in I would not make a big decision if I was on drugs and this led to me rarely being sober . Drugs can be an emotional rollercoaster even if you have no problems .

Link to comment
Guest LoveBeingMe

Drugs lie, they make a person think they are helping. They are not!

When you go out as you, you won't need a drug induced high, as you'll be high on being you! And that's a much better high than any drug!

You'd be surprised at how many trans people may be in your area. You just are not aware of them. When I recently came out to family, I was very surprised to hear two family members who personally knew someone who had transitioned. They live in a very small, backwoods, midwest town.

You will have to have blood tests before starting HRT. You will have to be clean.

I took a similar path as you Serena, years ago. Tried my best to hide, or cover up who I was, or to die trying. I didn't really care either. How I survived is a wonder! Serena, it's a dead end road! It leads to nowhere. Things will not get better until you sober up. It won't be easy even then, but at least you can wake up in the morning without being sick from the day before.

I received a text from an old partying buddy about a week ago. His son's girlfriend had overdosed. Dead at 21 years old! It can happen to anyone, that next pill just might be it. Don't chance it. Seek help. AA, NA, EMT's, whatever you have locally. Please find help!

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...
Guest clearleeraines

Serena, the fact is very clear addiction has two outcomes, recovery "AWSOME" or death not so good. I have contacts in recovery centers in the lgbt community , Betty ford center, Micheal's house, And others in the Coachella valley AKA palm spring's Huge LGBT community hear. The bay area, as well. Many many trans dr's there. Both areas are very trans friendly. There are scholarships & medicaid to pay for most if not all your treatment! :score: If you should decide you are tired of paying a HIGH price for a low life! btw the price only go's up. My "username" not a pun. Is clear lee raines, cuz It clearly rained everyday of my life in addiction, I was never happy, the sun never shined, "we fall from grace" my avatar. We are Gods special people, two spirits, in ancient times we were shaman and leaders, healers & revered. we have great value YOU HAVE GREAT VALUE. addiction is robbing you of your wealth! and health is the first wealth "it say's so on my seattle birth certificate so its gotta be true! I really love ur profile pic you are blessed with beauty. A gift of grace. Give yourself to god, let go of the dope it's the rope that binds your soul.

Be free to be the person you were meant to be. You cannot have both, it's dope or hope, choose well, you already know the answer.

Please join us, we WILL help anyway we can to free you

YOU are on tonight's prayer list btw so look for your answer, The writing's on the wall as they say. Your happiness is waiting for you, so get out of the way! & ask for help theirs no shame. Addicts are selfish peeps, think of your loved ones and how much pain the dis-ease of addiction causes them, the worries. Would they not be happy that you got well and were happy??? YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!!! from recovery, addiction . . well we covered that :thumbdown: .

Let me know if you want to go into treatment! I know the peeps who open the doors.

I pray your soul finds happiness

Clear

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Nicely put Clear! I answer now as it may be worth bumping it to the top again. For me, it's getting over the pain killers from surgery. I was given a generous bottle of one hundred. After I asked for the lower milligram, ate more then to tapered off. It is still a vicious cycle. In the end, using them seems to become an immunity and the pain hurts worse. I had three days of moderate withdrawal and now it's my history. GCS will make you very sore for a while, put it's the pills that hurt.

If the original person posting this thread never sees it, I hope I contribute help to someone in the future. Hug. JodyAnn

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 164 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • AllieJ
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,060
    • Most Online
      8,356

    FelixThePickleMan
    Newest Member
    FelixThePickleMan
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Aelia
      Aelia
      (22 years old)
    2. Just-Jenny-finally
      Just-Jenny-finally
      (65 years old)
    3. KelcieK
      KelcieK
      (50 years old)
    4. Krimson Kya
      Krimson Kya
      (35 years old)
    5. Robin
      Robin
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      I have wondered how basic training is for transgender recruits?   Kymmie 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Some of them are us.  I view while logged out sometimes.  But I also know that so much of this forum is public.  I really wish more areas were "members only."  I'm aware that stuff I post here is publicly viewable, so I never post last names, first names of other people, pictures, or give my location.  I tend to think my husband and GF would be displeased at the few things I do post here.... and they may be right.   Our times are pretty uncertain, and it seems to be "fox hunting season" out there. 
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums Felix, enjoy yourself, but please get the homework done!!
    • VickySGV
      On May 4, the Trans Chorus Of Los Angeles did a whole 90 minutes of music that was all written by Trans composers and all of our singers and musicians were Trans / NB.  Several of the pieces were actually written by our chorus members.  (I was running a $3,500 set of video cameras on the show and am editing the the massive gigabytes they put out today. We had several guest artists either on stage or who contributed material.  One of the artists was Wrabel who wrote the song The Village which he has dedicated to the Trans Community and describes a young Trans child and the problems they had in their village.  The other MAJOR Trans Artist was Jennifer Leitham, a Bass Viol and Bass Guitar player who as a young man played with the Big Bands of the 60's and 70's in her male self into Transition, and wrote an autobiographical song entitled Manhood which tells of her love of the men she played with in the bands but her not really fitting as a man. Jennifer has played with the Chorus before and is always good music fun to have around.  Two of our members collaborated on a music and poetry piece simply entitled "I'll - - " which brought some tears with a promise to Trans Young People with the whole chorus shouting "I'll be there for you, I will be there for you" said for Trans Kids.  (We actually had a few Trans kids in the audience to hear it.)  My video editing program has about 40 minutes to go producing the main body of the edited video which has the actual song clips in the right order.  Next to put in the Title slides and the credits.  The stuff I get myself into.   The concert took place at the Renberg Theater which is part of the Los Angeles LGB Center in Hollywood.   
    • FelixThePickleMan
      Hi, I'm Felix a little trans guy from a small town. My pronouns are he/they and I enjoy music and all wildlife, I doodle on all my homework assignments. I really don't know what to say but, my favourite animal is a cow, my favourite musical genre is country, I play electric bass & acoustic guitar as well as the ukulele a little bit of piano and drums (hand drums and drum sets). I like things of all sorts and I like food, a lot. My favourite meal is French fries and a good steak. My Personal Record for dead-lifting is 310 lbs and I like to sprint and play basketball. My mum's a "bit" overbearing but what can you do. I love reading Manga, I'm currently reading Assassination Classroom, I also enjoy reading Stephen King. I plan on joining the Marines after high school and become a k-9 handler.  I think that's all. For now :) 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I didn't use makeup even in my girl form.  And certainly not now in my boy form.  I don't even like sunscreen...it just feels greasy.  I've always disliked putting stuff on myself.  Partly because of the physical feeling, and partly because I don't want to pretend to anybody.    My partners are mostly the same...makeup isn't really a thing for our faith.  But my GF and husband have one particular vanity - covering up gray hair.  IDK if I will feel differently when I start getting some of my own, eventually.
    • Jet McCartney
      I'm ftm but I still wear makeup on occasion to cover up my rosacea. Just primer and sunscreen usually. Sometimes I'll fill in my eyebrows too
    • DonkeySocks
      I think some of "them" are just us. If I log out, I might come in and putter around the forums for a minute before I commit to logging in and reading or participating. That probably shows as a guest visit.
    • DonkeySocks
      I have the Pierre by New York Toy Collective, I think I bought it from a different online store but it is that brand. The size recommendations will say that the four-inch shaft (the small Pierre) is for people 5' tall and under. I am 5'8" and it is fine for me. The larger (regular) Pierre shaft size is way too big to wear regularly, but it is a great packer to have around for gender affirming play at home. So even if you are taller than 5', if you aren't sure and you want something easy to wear, go with the small. It is a silicone packer.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Yes, resilient, for sure.  Ours were elementary/middle school age when their father died.  The girl took it really hard, losing her father.  My husband has been there as friend, counselor, and stepfather.  He was a dear friend of their father, and he has put in a lot of effort to raise them.  The eldest son is now his secretary, aide, and driver at work.   Since I'm young-ish and not their primary parent(s), I have the role of being an older friend to them.  They don't seem to have any issues with my gender.  I'm just Jen, and everybody knows that Jen is a little different.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      If you're looking for a millennial female who might be interested, maybe contact Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez? Y'all might have some things in common, and I think she and her partner are doing the "childless" thing.      Interesting that your wife did concrete work.  My GF spent some time laying concrete for her own projects....while 6 months pregnant.   She's a very stubborn girl.  Probably the exact opposite of the millennial female you're looking for, since she's a mother of 5 (and wished she could have more.)  Interesting how folks can have similar origins, but come to opposite conclusions.  My GF grew up in dire poverty, stealing to eat and take care of her little sister.  As a young adult, she spent several years living in a commune, and was a member of an armed communist political movement.  Now she's probably the most fervent anti-leftist, anti-government person you could ever find.  Experiences really shape who we are.    The lesson I draw from this is that globalism is not the right solution, and even the USA is too large a nation for everybody to agree.  Time to downsize voluntarily, before a civil war does it for us.  Some folks suggest that the USA could become between 4 and 7 different nations.  The way the world is going, I suspect you'll get your "depopulation" wish....but it will come about through war, plagues, and famine. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I made apple pies, since we have apple trees here.  A classic, simple recipe, everything made from scratch.  We can make just about any kind of pie here - pecan, apple, pear, peach, blackberry....    I think the 6-burner stove came from an old diner.  So, technically a restaurant stove, just a small one.  It probably came from an auction, as my partner usually has an eye for deals.    This stove has 8 burners:   https://www.lowes.com/pd/FORNO-48-in-4-32-cu-ft-2-26-cu-ft-Steam-cleaning-Double-Oven-Convection-Gas-Range-Stainless-steel/1003096398?cm_mmc=shp-_-c-_-prd-_-app-_-ggl-_-PLA_APP_186_Cooking-_-1003096398-_-online-_-0-_-0&ds_rl=1286890&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj86BiPj3hQMVeTbUAR2m5wexEAQYASABEgI9tvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds   This one is the one I would love to have...it has 10:   https://www.lowes.com/pd/FORNO-Galiano-Gold-Professional-60-inch-Freestanding-Gas-Range/5013821825?cm_mmc=shp-_-c-_-prd-_-app-_-ggl-_-PLA_APP_186_Cooking-_-5013821825-_-online-_-0-_-0&ds_rl=1286890&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj86BiPj3hQMVeTbUAR2m5wexEAQYDSABEgIt__D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
    • missyjo
      69 years young dear  winks it's just a number..   transcend it n be fabulous  hugs
    • Lydia_R
    • Lydia_R
      Not to bump this up or anything, but I just want to put one more note on the end of this...   Thank you for allowing me to post this here and thank you for all who have responded.  This step has been a huge help to me on my political journey.  I've made several key decisions in the last few days that allow me to run a better campaign for the next 4 years.  I worked my way off of the streets 20 years ago by writing math and computer programming on paper.  10 years later I was able to buy a house with the software engineering work that I was doing.  Now 20 years after getting off of the streets and having two failed bids for US Representative and likely another failed bid in the next couple weeks, I've come to the point of selling my house to run a very frugal campaign for vice-president (it's a thing even though it is an appointed position) for the next 4 years, all on the money I have earned from that work I did on the streets.   My policy going forward is that I'm not going to ask for money and I'm not going to ask for people's votes.  The vice-presidency is an appointed position.  I'm also not going to run for legislative offices anymore.  I'm simply going to tour the country on my own dime looking for good people and a strong millennial female who sees my logic and would like to be president.   I have reached out to tens of thousands of people on my own dime in the last 7 years.  Famous people, ultra-famous people, business leaders, civil engineers, random people, news people, educators, unions, politicians.  I certainly got less than 5 emails from those efforts.  Actually, I only really remember one person.  He is an educator and we had a good Zoom meeting.   I'm not bitter.  I'm not complaining.  Those of you who have followed me on this site know I like to keep things positive and talk about cooking and living healthy.  I hope that this post doesn't get buried.  I think the title is strong and my message is clear.  I don't want to bog this site down with the details of the whole thing.  I simply want people to know that there is a transwoman working to be vice-president.  Notice that I didn't title this a-transwoman-as-us-respresentative.  My politics are executive level.  I'm a whistleblower, not a complainer.  I aim to educate and inspire.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...