Need Dating Help....

[Guest Mark_K]

So a little background. I'm almost 30, and have never been in a relationship longer than 3 months. I'm bi, but I've only ever dated 2 guys and one MTF. I'm trying to get out of the house and date more.... but honestly, I have no clue what I'm doing! I've only been on one date in the last 2 years...

My problem? When I ask out gay guys I get the response "Well, why the hell did you transition if you want to date guys? You should have just stayed straight" I try to explain, but the end result is always "Sorry, I only date guys". I get asked this question by EVERY SINGLE GAY GUY IN THE CITY! HOW THE HELL DO YOU RESPOND TO THIS QUESTION??????

Guess what? When I ask out girls, I get the response "I'm not a lesbian" *ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

The MTF girl I dated? Broke up with me because she 'couldn't handle me being trans'...

Anyway, that is the end of my venting.

For the record, I've been on T for 6 1/2 years, and had chest surgery 3 years ago, so Its not that I don't pass. I'm just really starting to get really depressed about the whole thing. Is it like this everywhere, or just in the city that I am in? For the record, I'm in Salt Lake City, UT.

I just feel really pathetic and low. Is it this hard for all trans people to get a date?

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions for how to go about starting to date? I wonder if some of it is because I never started dating until I was 24?

HELP!

[Guest Zack L]

I've only dated one person since I started identifying as trans, I met them at a GLBTQ dance. He was awesome, we worked very well together. I suggest going to those sorts of things...make friends and maybe find someone to date. =3

[Guest Mark_K]

I've only dated one person since I started identifying as trans, I met them at a GLBTQ dance. He was awesome, we worked very well together. I suggest going to those sorts of things...make friends and maybe find someone to date. =3

I've tried to do a lot of GLBTQ activities, but I get tons of crap from the community around here for transitioning. I actually had a lesbian call the cops on me and try to blackmail me.

[Guest Zack L]

O_O

What...but...gah.

We're all one giant queer family, that's not cool! D=<

If it were me I'd probably move to somewhere like the northeast or California tbh. That's just...awful. =/

[Guest Mark_K]

O_O

What...but...gah.

We're all one giant queer family, that's not cool! D=<

If it were me I'd probably move to somewhere like the northeast or California tbh. That's just...awful. =/

Thats what I was wondering. I guess the gay community around here must just not be very trans inclusive.

[Guest Crossroads]

No offense, but technically, I always think of it as "We're all in one giant family called humanity". You'll hear activists from every subculture say these types of words, but when someone different comes along, the hate party starts up again.

Oh, man....there's that family word again.

[Guest Evan_J]

The MTF girl I dated? Broke up with me because she 'couldn't handle me being trans'...

I'm sorry. It's funny. But yeah, it happens.

Your location could be factor but a lot of what you're experiencing happens a LOT of places. Each group denies you "belong" interacting with them. Look for a pansexual. From what I can tell they are the "best".

[Guest Zabrak]

Everyone fights for freedom except for people that are different from them. It's something I haven't been able to understand. Why fight for "human rights" when you end up discriminating againts other groups in the end anyway. It's sort of backwards in my head. Why should someone give you more rights when you yourself discriminate againts people too? What makes your group any better then another group? *mind goes in loops* I now remember why I went through that 'I hate the world phase'.

Yes, look for pansexual or bi. My boyfriend is Bi. Not all bi's discriminate againts us.

[Guest Irielle]

Don't give up, Mark. There IS someone waiting for you, you just haven't met him or her yet.

I've been in Salt Lake City a few times and it is a very conservative area so I can imagine it's difficult.

I would guess that the local GLBTQ groups are prolly your best places to meet. Maybe they have get togethers, like bowling night or movie night, when you can meet people in a relaxed social setting?

I think Evan has a point, a pansexual person might be good. I am pansexual and anything goes - I am attracted to the person as a whole person; sex and gender are the spices. If I connect with them I don't care if they are purple and from Saturn.

You are NOT NOT NOT pathetic! Not having met anyone yet is NOT a reflection upon you or your attractiveness. It's a reflection upon them. Be gentle with yourself. You've had some setbacks and are allowed to vent.

I hope the best happens for you...

[Guest Mark_K]

Don't give up, Mark. There IS someone waiting for you, you just haven't met him or her yet.

I've been in Salt Lake City a few times and it is a very conservative area so I can imagine it's difficult.

I would guess that the local GLBTQ groups are prolly your best places to meet. Maybe they have get togethers, like bowling night or movie night, when you can meet people in a relaxed social setting?

I think Evan has a point, a pansexual person might be good. I am pansexual and anything goes - I am attracted to the person as a whole person; sex and gender are the spices. If I connect with them I don't care if they are purple and from Saturn.

You are NOT NOT NOT pathetic! Not having met anyone yet is NOT a reflection upon you or your attractiveness. It's a reflection upon them. Be gentle with yourself. You've had some setbacks and are allowed to vent.

I hope the best happens for you...

Thanks, its just very frustrating at times.

I've looked around for GLBTQ groups, but everything around here seems to have dried up the last few months. I was in a potluck group, and managed to go once before the group died in Dec.... the transmen's group that supposedly has monthly meetings - won't return my calls or emails, same with the trans adult meeting group...

I've started going to bi group coffee meets, those are pretty fun, except that only like 3 other people ever come

I'd like to work on moving in the next year or so, but I've got no clue *where* I want to go, besides the fact that I'll have to try and sell my condo and with the market dropping I'm going to lose like $10K on the sale

[Guest J-Walker]

Irielle, you're always so amazing.

GLBTQ groups are a good place to find dates, but unfortunately not too good for finding partners. I've tried dating a few people from my group, but it never really works out, but that's because the people who go have their own problems and can't take the time to wrap their minds around the transgender subculture. Look for events or fun groups as opposed to support groups, or else you'll probably find yourself to be more depressed.

Don't give up on the trans group. I joined one a while ago that I didn't think was going to work out and made some really good friends. Not planning on dating anyone in the group, but it really lifts my spirits up hanging out with them.

Dating is unfortunately difficult for us as a community, but it is possible. Women tend to be more willing because they're not as concerned with the gear. Confidence is something that always helps, and as upset as you are, and as sure as I am you don't want to hear this, it's the only thing you need to work on. It doesn't matter how many operations you have or how well you pass, and though having the genitalia makes it a lot easier, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the better.

[Guest Kelly Ann]

Evan is always observant...your state isn't really condusive, although I've known many Mormons through the years...Utah would be rough even for me. Honestly Mark is there anybody that hasn't dumped on you lately or attempted to use you as a door mat? This is some truly HORRIBLE STUFF that's happened to you. I am really frowing which is completely foreign to me and if this writing becomes sub-titled...you'll know why at least. Maybe just drop the relationship thing down a few notches...I am fresh out of one that lasted a few years so I realize it's not always easy to be alone...but sometimes it's a great way to pull the chords of yourself together too. Maybe by not trying at all...you'll find who it is your looking for. They pop-up in the darndest places...generally when your NOT looking...<giggle>one of us might be standing right behind you now Kelly Ann