Which Father Will You Be?

[Guest LilyRose]

So when I came out to my parents a couple weeks ago, I got mixed results. My mother wanted to kick me out of the house, and my father seemed to be supportive. He said, "You are my daughter and I will always love you. You are welcome here." I felt that this was backwards. I thought my mother would be there to save me from my father. But it seems like I am all alone on this again.

I decided to put nail polish on my fingernails to help me stop chewing on them. It felt good to be able to put it on too; I can't wait to put on colors! Anyway, my mother noticed and made a big deal about it. We went out to eat and she just explodes on me. Suddenly, my grandfather shows up and now he sees my nails. He didn't say anything about them, but I'm sure he is wondering about it.

The next day, my father say to me: "Here's the deal, I love you no matter what. But you will either live in this house as my son, or you will tell everyone about who you are and then leave my house for good." I was so taken back by this that I didn't know what to say. Here's the same man who said he loved me as a daughter, but now he's putting restrictions on me. Even though, I am currently unemployed, I have had at least 3 job interviews a week since coming out. Before I did, I got so depressed that I couldn't even leave my bed.

So right now, I am extremely confused on what to do. I wrote this poem to help me cope. *cries into shirt so no one around me can hear*

Which Father Will You Be?

When I told you about how I felt, you were my hero

and I could not be any happier to be part of your family.
But now I see that it was just a sham, because I have

not yet to show my feminine side to you and this is what I get?

I understand that you do not want to get involved with my

matters with other people. Especially with family, but don't you

think that you are just a little harsh on me? If you said that
I should tell everyone and then let me stay, then it would be different.

Which father will you be?

The courageous bear that I know who drives a truck for 14 hours

of the day and living to support his family despite his own pain?
No matter what they look like or what they feel like on the inside?

You told me to be true to myself and be the woman I know I am.

Or will you be the cowardly cub who worries about what others
have to say? Cowering before the knees of your father who has
racist and disgusting things to say about people who are different?

I thought you were stronger than this; I guess I was wrong.

Which father will you be?

I really need to know so I can know what actions to take.
I am not ready to explain myself to everyone else, but
if one small detail is going to send you over the edge,
then I should just do it and be disowned as I know I will be.

Because once I get a job, you may never see me again.
It's your choice and yours alone. Do you want to have
your daughter in your life, or do you want to push her to
the point of never seeing her again? Think about it.

Lily Rose

[gennee]

LilyRose, I read your poem and I do wish that could be with you in the flesh to give you encouragement.

Your words spoke it all. Don't give up on your folks, they may come around. You seem to know what to do

in case the inevitable happens. Don't let bitterness and anger eat you up. Just remember there are others

who will love and accept you for being authentic.

[Guest AlexR]

Oh,Lily, what a cruel reversal!

Obviously he is at war with himself on this issue. The initial reaction was probably the truer one, before pressures brought on by your mother and memories of his own father brought about that horrible statement. I hope for both of your sakes that he is able to remember that though you may not be the gender he thought, you are still his child - the most precious gift ever bestowed on a person. (of course that goes for your mother as well!). Is the gender of your child really that important?

Honey, just remember that though there are many people who have been blinded by upbringing, religion, etc. - and many of them are people we love, there are so many others here and in the world who love you as your own true self. In the short time I've known you, you have proven to be a wonderful lady.

Hugs,

Alex

[Guest miss kindheart]

Give them some time to accept Lily Rose

till then maybe try and be conservative

Use clear polish

take small steps that they can live with

plan your escape carefully

vanna

PS nice poem

[Guest LilyRose]

It is clear polish Vanna. I forgot to put that in the description. Sorry about that! I didn't even flaunt it. If clear polish is too much of a small step, then I don't know what smaller steps to take. Thanks for reading! hug*

Hugs a plenty,
Lily Rose

[Guest]

Lily Rose, this brings tears to my eyes. I'm sorry this is happening. I have long since left my parents domain and they are elderly. We have had many struggles in the last three years. I started with the same initial reactions from them. I do take a lot of flack from them sometimes. They are still in my life. One of the turning points, they saw my resolve, I will not change back. Then many times in public together, they see so many others that love and accept Jody as she is. Seeing me and seeking me out for conversations. I'm a girl, I present as female and I am a well respected woman. That blows big holes in their assumptions. All this made for difficult times, they did not accept overnight, or even in a short time. I believe it will get better for you soon.

I can't imagine the trouble I would have trying to transition under someone else's roof. A little time and/or distance may make all the difference. Please don't write them off before the miracle happens. Oh and I really like your poem. If you place it in a very sweet I Love You card, sneak it to the dash board of his truck, maybe he will have many miles to work through it all. Better yet, if he knows he is loved by you regardless. Mom is someone that is a force he has to deal with too, so it may take time depending on just how close they are together. Hug. JodyAnn