Am I Completley Messed Up?

[Flint]

Okay...So...before i came out as male, i was out as a lesbian. but now i realise i'm a gay male in a female body....am i just completley messed up? i dont think i really fancied girls...I think i was saying i was a lesbian as i didn't understand myself. and i knew i wasn't like most girls which now i know is cause i'm not a girl well i always knew that but i went through a phase of denial. i think the lesbian thing was to somehow explain my manly ways. cause icould never explain why i acted like a guy, had no girly things about me, and never relaly looked like a girl. but i was just thinking am i completley messed up to say i'm a lesbian then come out as FTM and then people think i'm this straight man when actually i'm pretty sure i am gay. i dunno how to explain this to friends, they'll doubt me even more. Then people are like "Why be a guy then if you like men?" and ahhh it's like "Cause i am a guy!!" i think i may have spoken about this beofre...But iwas just wondering has anyone else ever had the same kind of expereience? or am i just a completley messed up thing?

[Nick J]

Okay...So...before i came out as male, i was out as a lesbian. but now i realise i'm a gay male in a female body....am i just completley messed up? i dont think i really fancied girls...I think i was saying i was a lesbian as i didn't understand myself. and i knew i wasn't like most girls which now i know is cause i'm not a girl well i always knew that but i went through a phase of denial. i think the lesbian thing was to somehow explain my manly ways. cause icould never explain why i acted like a guy, had no girly things about me, and never relaly looked like a girl. but i was just thinking am i completley messed up to say i'm a lesbian then come out as FTM and then people think i'm this straight man when actually i'm pretty sure i am gay. i dunno how to explain this to friends, they'll doubt me even more. Then people are like "Why be a guy then if you like men?" and ahhh it's like "Cause i am a guy!!" i think i may have spoken about this beofre...But iwas just wondering has anyone else ever had the same kind of expereience? or am i just a completley messed up thing?

Hey dude, identifying as something is a strangething cause it all comes down to these little conclusions you come to within yourself. I know as a gay transguy youll get the 'why dont you be a girl then' as well as others get 'why dont you just be gay' there are loads of bi/gay transguys. i myself am bi although more favoured to females but never identified as lesbian. I dont see why it would make them doubt you though i see why you think it will be hard to explain. so youre gay.. dude we break stereotypes and gender rules already - so why not break more and not be a masculine girls girls girls type guy- being gay with it isnt so bad

just go with it and if you need anything uh hit me up, im always up for a chat

- nick

[Flint]

I'm fine with being gay, although i'd prefter not to be if i'm honest. but i am...and tehre is nothing i can do about it. I guess i am what i am. i'm rambling on and probably not making any sense i iant slept in hours. which is unsual for me. it jst sem slike a whole load more explaining to friends to do i'm getting tired of explaining. Alot of my friends dont mean to, but they use sterotypes alot. and if a man is gay to them it's like it pretty much makes them almost one of the gilrs but not quite....Cause to them if your a gay man you must like pink and be all camp. Whic i cna honestly say i completley, like absaloutley smash that stereotype to peaces. as i'm nothing like that. yea i'm rambling. Gonna go sleep i'll probs wonder what i was doing when posting this when i wake up....but oh well....

[Zufrieden]

Hi Matty:

Those are two separate questions there, gender identity and sexual orientation.

From a logical point of view it would seem if you're interested in guys, it would be best to be a girl and vice versa.

But life isn't that logical.

Step 1: Determine what gender you want to be.

Step 2: Determine how you feel romantically and sexually about men.

Step 3: Determine how you feel romantically and sexually about women.

I guess the way I'm going, I'm a lesbian. That sounds pretty strange to my ears. Still, there's no use in getting bent out of shape on labels. Do what will make you happy.

Z.

[Guest matthew41]

Hey Matty,

As Z said, "Those are two separate questions there, gender identity and sexual orientation", and is right on about the order of things. I understand your confusion. I have been a member of a local support group for 4 years. I have seen time and again friends of mine first become confident with their new gender identity. Then realize, with a new perspective of self analysis, that their sexual orientation was different from what they had believed before coming out. So you are not alone in this by a long shot. As to my FTM friends, about half lived as lesbians at some point, a quarter got married and had kids, and the other quarter didn't date at all. After they started to understand themselves, their orientations are about a third of each orientation, gay, bi and straight.

Matt

[Nick J]

Yeah I thought you must be a little half asleep if you were up as late as I am ( i think its a UK thing.. but most of the time i do it cause the americans are like 5 hrs + behind) I agree with the fact you should smash that stereotype.. thats what they are there for. Hell I know i'll never be a masculine builder type guy no matter how much weights i do i've dealt with the fact i'll probably be a pretty boy forever but thats just me. I love the fact that i'd still wear eyeliner and black nail varnish and that i still want to be Brian Molko, id rather be an androgynous guy than an androgynous girl and the former is how i identify. I can see why you'd rather not be gay if you can help it though, however like everything that comes with this we often have no choice. You're friends unfortunately do seem to see in stereotypes but that seems to be a media enforced thing that people end up coming to these conclusions which they necessarily wouldnt otherwise. Gay guys become 'one of the girls gay girls become 'one of the guys' but thats just in the stereotypical 'i love pink too giggle' and ' rr so how about those beers eh, burp'

and im rambling took

i lost my point somewhere but i think it was something about stereotypes.. i should wake up properly before i post

- Nick

[princecharmless]

Well what can I say Matty... 'snap' ! Long history of denial with me, which is too boring to go into, even for me. Thought I was the only one in the world, etc etc etc... Google taught me different. As for my friends, they just think I'm just a little bit more nuts than they did already. None of them seems to get the whole 'gender identity not being related to sexuality thing', I will carry on explaining until I'm blue in the face. Not pink! Not much campness here, though I am sitting here listening to ABBA... hmmm.

[Guest mr_marc]

Nah yeh not messed up, some times your sexuality changes when your trans.

Tis a known fact=-]

I mean before i came out as male, i was a a small levee. Now im a pansexual male.

I wouldnt of ever dreamed of being like this when i was a small levee cause i thought it was gross XD

But im fairly macho i like to think but slightly faggy at the same time=-]

And this is a guy who has a girlfriend so XD

[Flint]

I keep feeling guilty for fancying men. I dont know why......I....it dont make sense....i mean i am one of the most accpeting people when it comes to gay people. so why can#t i accept myself??

[princecharmless]

I don't know what to say to you. It has taken almost all my life to accept myself. Explaining it to myself, explaining it to friends... Another FTM and I were wondering: considering the way we feel about our bodies as they were born, how can we like the same bodies of others? why isn't everybody FTM , MTF gay? Did that make sense... not sure... anyway I feel less ridiculous nowadays, that's what years can do - also finding I'm not the only one in the world. I feel guilt - same way you do and I have no idea why. Maybe we need more confidence. We like what we like, can't help that.

[Zufrieden]

Hi Matt and all:

I don't get it. As FTM's you were all raised to like men. So you like men. Big deal.

As transsexuals, all of us at some point will technically be "homosexual".

That is unless you get hit by a thunderbolt and instantly change both gender and sexual orientation.

That doesn't mean you have to subscribe to some cheap stereotype of what a gay or lesbian is.

We're already different, you don't have to "buy into" some standard model.

For me, I don't like anything about men's bodies, I don't want one, I don't want a lover to have one.

And if five years from now, I decide I like men instead, big deal.

Z.

[Guest mr_marc]

Maybe your not gay, maybe you just like people?

I know a fair few people like that=-]

And yeh takin' it how a lad would so yeh will struggle. I did abit but thought it wasnt the worst thing in the world XD

[princecharmless]

''I don't get it. As FTM's you were all raised to like men. So you like men. Big deal.'' - quote Zufreiden

(Cue the music from Soap) Confused? you will be....

Raised to like men - yes, but tried to like women thinking that was the right thing to do as I never considered myself female. Found out I didn't want to touch (if you catch my drift) anyone female, or let myself be touched, thought things would change after treatment etc.... fell heavily in love with Mr Wrong, thought it must mean I am meant to be stuck in this body after all... blah blah blah, rejection, breakdown, denial, all the fun and games.

Also a family that likes to loudly debate politics and religion, nothing and no-one not plain vanilla gets through unscathed. Religious sister who dropped all her gay friends from university when she found God. Mum is more gay friendly these days though, hilariously because she read a Cary Grant biography. She still thinks if he had only found the right woman...

Remember when Madonna said in an interview a few years ago she was a gay man in a woman's body, how hysterically ridiculous everyone thought that was? Very funny Madge, how do you dream them up. Of course in case she really is, I apologise. No way do I want to argue with Madonna!

http://news.softpedia.com/news/Madonna-I-m...ody-12225.shtml

Stop me I'm rambling again, sorry. So what's the guilt about? probably from what I was taught as a child, the Bible, Lot's wife and warnings of hell, snide remarks about certain people on TV.

[Guest Sergei]

Hey Matty, it’s really interesting, because the situation you have described is almost identical to mine. I spent many years trying to pass off my masculine appearance by telling people I was a lesbian. I’ve never had any relationship. But when I came to university I made many friends, and most of them were male. When they would talk about women, I would join in with them, and even make up stories about being with women. They accepted me as one of the guys. I told my friends about being FTM, and gay at the same time.

I don’t think all of my friends can completely understand this situation, but they are all wonderfully supportive and accepting of it.

It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks. If your friends are really true friends they should love you and accept you know matter what your gender, or your sexuality weather they can understand it or not.

I used to worry, and experience thoughts just like yours all of the time. One day I just decided that I didn’t want to waste my life worrying about it anymore. It took me a long time to get here, but now I really don’t care what anyone thinks. I know I’m a decent and good person. This is more important than my sexuality or my gender. If anybody doesn’t like me because of these things then there is something wrong with them.