I don't think I'm transsexual. I'm so confused.

[Guest Angelica Alice]

I've struggled so much accepting who I was and who I truly am. Religion played a huge part when I was accepting myself because I knew that religion would play a big role if I came out to my parents.

Life has been super depressing. In my age, it seems like everyone is enjoying their teen years and I'm not. I'm sad. I'm depressed. I feel like I'm dead. I have no social life no one who I can talk to.

I see kids in my school having the time of their lives. They have good friends they get to go out and have fun. I can't.

I just plainly do not feel comfortable with my body or my soul. I'm not saying I'm stuck in a boys body when I'm suppose to be a girl. I don't feel like that. I simply feel that I don't belong in this life and body. Nothing changes. I feel completely dead. My life has no meaning. I can't enjoy myself to the fullest.

I can't be a man and I can't be a women.

I can't live as a girl in a boys body. I can't be ''Angelica'' when I'm still stuck in this body. I simply can't. It's impossible! I can't be angelica when I'm going through male puberty, look like a man, talk like a man, and such. I simply can't. Crossdressing does nothing. Mainly because I never get a chance!

I simply hate being me and don't want to change and get comfortable with being me. I want to be someone else. I want to be Angelica.

I have a secret I want to tell everyone.

I like to RP as a girl. I do. I RP as a girl. Every situation that I think and that I experience is done through Angelica not me.

I kinda truly can say I have a 'girls mind'. I do very much RP as Angelica. I also image and think to myself: How would Angelica respond to this or that?

All of my thoughts are Angelica's thoughts. Like: Is this boy cute? If she was my friend I would go to the mall.

So I hope you understand me. It's super weird. I also think I'm Angelica. I role play as Angelica. I think through Angelica sometimes.

BUT IT BUGS ME AND ITS JUST ....URGHHH..

ITS UNCOMFORTABLE AND ITS A NASTY FEELING TO THINK, TO IMAGINE, AND ACT LIKE ANGELICA BEING STUCK WITH THIS BODY.

Even when I was young. I always RP as a girl. I was always the girl teacher. I was always the mom. I was always the female cook. Although, I did play with toys and lego Star Wars. But when it came to Star Wars I preferred to be a girl sometimes. I use to love Power Rangers when I was a kid. I was ALWAYS the female rangers or the female villains. I was never a boy. I always felt comfortable dressing and being a female penguin in Club Penguin. When I look at trans documentaries, I never was like them. You Know? GOING to the extreme. I never was like that.

I just dunno who I'am. I can't experiment. I'm simply too young.

Help.

[Carolyn Marie]

Angelica, I wish I could just give you a big hug, because it sounds like you need one.

I don't know how to tell you to have patience. You either have it or you don't, and you don't. You are in a bad situation, I know, because you feel like there is no one you can confide in. You're getting closer to the time when you will have more control over your life. But you aren't there yet. You could risk coming out to a parent that you think might be even a little sympathetic, but its a risky thing, and I'm not going to encourage you. It is just an option to consider. I know your parents are religious, but that doesn't always mean they are close minded.

I don't truly understand why you can't befriend someone, either a girl or a guy. Being uncomfortable in you body doesn't mean you still can accept friendship, or offer it. Open your heart, hon, and let someone in. It doesn't require that you out yourself. Being a friend is a natural thing, and so is wanting friends. There must be others who have some of the interests you do, such as role playing.

I wish there was more I could offer you that would help your situation. All I can really do is be your friend, and offer my words of sympathy, support and encouragement. You will find a way to be happy, Angelica. I just takes time, sometimes.

((((HUGS))))

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Angelica,

Sorry I missed your post yesterday. Hon maybe when you get some privacy you could try crossdressing even if just a tiny bit. You may find that it makes you feel a whole lot better.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Angelica Alice]

I will try. It's the clothes that I'm really worried.

[Guest Amanda May]

Go to therapy these issues never go away no matter how you may try to ignore them. I have tried to ignore it for 60 years, I did not want this and hoped it would go away I am starting to look for a therapist.