A Little Bit Worried

[Guest sara w.]

i was sitting on the couch and my mom was on the computer, she was still on my acount and went on google, she didnt see me looking at her but i saw her looking through my searches, and alot of them are trans-related, like, "how do i look more like a girl?" or even more specific "how do i tell my mom i want to be a girl?" and if i typed it all, lets just say it would take a long time to read, i know my mom isn't stupid but, i dont know if she thinks its fake, or what, and im wondering should i just come out and say it?

Im terrified what she will think and all but i dont have any back-up (counsiler, therapist, girlfriend) i have only told one person so far, and hes the type of person who wont tell anyone but wont get involved, i'm up against the wall here, what should i do?

[Sally]

I don't think that you have a great deal of choice now.

To wait too long will make her jump to conclusions that are not based in fact.

You should invite her to go to some of the sites with you.

Don't tell her that you saw her, but have a few informational sites ready so that you can show the real transsexual rather than the Jerry Springer Show type.

Invite her to look in on the forums here, you can let her send me a PM if you would like, I'll do my best to help explain and let her know how much harder it all is if you wait too long.

But I feel that not telling her soon will lead to much bigger problems and less chance of acceptance.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I am not sure I agree 100% with Sally. It is always good to have a plan - telling someone 'cold'- unprepared - is terribly hard.

Maybe not IMMEDIATELY but soon:

I agree you need to tell her, you need to do like Sally says BUT have some written back-up. I doubt your mom will go to any sites because she will be rather upset for a while. Handing her a printout of what transgender really means, might be more effective - she might read it even if she is upset. And as Sally says, your mom is ALWAYS welcome to look in Laura's, and Sally even said she would be glad to talk with her.

So write down all your options - even if you don't use them all.

Also - have a plan B in case your mom goes nuclear. You will need to:

(1) Never back down - she needs to understand everything you tell her is real

(2) Be the ADULT if she gets unreasonable. NEVER get to a child against child arguement

(3) Be persistant - don't let her go into the "if I just ignore it, it will go away" mode

(4) Keep us posted - this could be hard for you - we are your support!

Good luck and be strong as we know you are.

Lizzy

[Guest sara w.]

I'm not entirely sure where to find any good info sites, for written transsexual info and info that i can show her, please i want to tell her A.S.A.P, and about me being strong, thanks but, *laughs* yeah right! i tryed at halloween to ask her to dress me up as a girl for a "costume" and if she asked anything about it i would have said, "dont worry its just a costume" and i got choked up, and i knew there was no way she would have found out but i still was a chicken! I'm so weak :'( please does anyone know some good website i could use? and im not sure if i should tell her on a weekday on friday or the weekend, a weekday would be good beacause i wouldn't be with her the entire day if she hates me, friday, beacause its the begining of the weekend and i might be able to talk to her better if she is ok with it, and the weekend for the same reason as for friday.

[Guest Kelly Ann]

um...Sara? Erm...where are we? LOL if this isn't THE finest place to show her...I would be VERY surprised. Just make sure you don't 'login' but show her as a guest...it might make it easier. It'll be ok young lady...it would seem she wasn't 'freaked out' so you have half the battle won Good luck girl, Kelly Ann

[Guest Kelly Ann]

ps Sara...you Might want to go into Tools in your browser, Internet Options and delete cookies, temp files, Form Data and History. Don'r delete passwords...THAT may really mess stuff up...word from the wiser on THAT

[Guest mia 1]

I'm with Kelly Ann on that delete delete delete.

Keep the password.

You'll be O.K. but practice the thought and when Mom starts getting stressed don't back down.

Because human nature has that progression anger, denial, acceptance etc.

So We Are Here With You and For You......Hugs to you Sara.

[Guest karma]

Ok let me just say this almost same thing happend to me. My wife found all the web sites I went on including this one and freked out. When she confrunted me I told her the truth. She accepted me and is now helping me. Im not saying it will go the same way but just to give comfert. it can go good but in my oppioun it is best to just tell the truth. I hope it gose well. hugs.

Always Karma

[Sally]

I'm not entirely sure where to find any good info sites, for written transsexual info and info that i can show her, please i want to tell her A.S.A.P, and about me being strong, thanks but, *laughs* yeah right! i tryed at halloween to ask her to dress me up as a girl for a "costume" and if she asked anything about it i would have said, "dont worry its just a costume" and i got choked up, and i knew there was no way she would have found out but i still was a chicken! I'm so weak :'( please does anyone know some good website i could use? and im not sure if i should tell her on a weekday on friday or the weekend, a weekday would be good beacause i wouldn't be with her the entire day if she hates me, friday, beacause its the begining of the weekend and i might be able to talk to her better if she is ok with it, and the weekend for the same reason as for friday.

I can't tell you when, but I can give you a good website other than this one for a lot of very good information and a very long listing of successful Trans people.

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/conway.html

Good Luck, and my offer of PM help with your mother still stands,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Good - I didn't want to say this at first so others could help. On my personal BLOG here at Laura's I have parked - with permission - an article that explains what transsexuality is. You are welcomed to use it if you want. But also - Laura's Home Page will lead to her explanation - one of the best around.

Keep us posted.

Lizzy

[Guest sara w.]

ps Sara...you Might want to go into Tools in your browser, Internet Options and delete cookies, temp files, Form Data and History. Don'r delete passwords...THAT may really mess stuff up...word from the wiser on THAT

whenever i hear someone come in or anything like that i delete the history, its just the good searches i don't know how to delete.

[Guest Leah1026]

Going along with the Lynn Conway website suggestion, excellent source of information.

Including.....

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html

The full text of the book Mom, I Need To Be A Girl

[Guest sara w.]

ok i've decided, today is the day im telling my mom, im going to write down everthing but im going to be in the house so if she needs to talk to me she can, if you dont hear from me for at least 3 days then most likely she hates me. I'm terrified! wish me luck.

[Sally]

I don't think that she will hate you but it could be quite a bit for her to handle all at once, be patirnt.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest sara w.]

i left out the note and she picked it up, she hasn't talked to me, and i don't think she has even read it yet beacause its still folded up the exact same way, but she has it.