Not unhappy with my current situation, but...

[Guest Typhlosion100]

Hey everyone. My name's Andrew, and right now I'm a 19 year old male. I'm a freshman in college, and I live pretty comfortably as a man. I don't necessarily feel as if I was born in the wrong body, or that I am living a life that's not truly me.

However, four years ago I somehow stumbled upon this site and the concept of transgenderism. For whatever reason, it intrigued me, and I continued reading and learning. Originally, I think it began as a purely sexual thing. The idea of having a woman's body was "sexy" and appealing to me, but I didn't really have any interest in living life as a woman or wearing women's clothing, and it seemed like more of a fetish. Still, I continued, and as I continued to learn, that began to change. I began sneaking on my sister's clothes such as panties, bras and skirts late at night in my room, and I liked the way they felt on my body (although they were ill-fitting). I even wore panties and girly deodorant to school one day, and tried to make my walk more feminine. I realized that I truly enjoyed these things, although I still wasn't sure whether it was a fetish or a true desire.

Shortly afterward, everything blew up. My parents were snooping around on my computer one day while I was gone, and they freaked out. In addition to reading on this site, I was also doing some dumb stuff related to cybersex and the like, which was the real cause of the issue. It was really bad for a while, although during the initial conversation my parents gave the impression that they would support me in whatever I wanted, so long as I was safe in doing it. At that point, I shut everything down because I wasn't at all certain that I wanted to act on some of the feelings.

Now, four years, later, it's cropped up again. I still feel very similarly to before--not necessarily uncomfortable with my male life, but also desiring a female one. The concept of androgyny doesn't appeal to me, I would only feel comfortable being one or the other. I chatted with a few members in the chatroom last night, and in addition to suggesting I see a gender therapist (I sent out an email and am waiting for a phone call in the next day or so), I was encouraged to go get some properly-fitting women's clothing to try on (as I am not at home with my family anymore, and it would maybe help to explore that again). I am currently in the middle of pledging a fraternity, so now is not the time to make any sudden changes, but I have had these strong feelings the past few days and feel like I should reach out now.

Basically, my issues are twofold: if I don't feel uncomfortable as a man, why do I have such a strong desire to be a woman? I haven't been able to find any situations like this on the site yet. In addition, I am constantly worried that it might simply be a fetish, in which case there isn't a real solution. The sexual component is much more complicated and important than detailed here, but obviously this is not the proper place for it.

That's pretty much my story. Thanks in advance for your welcoming words and advice, it's nice to finally join the gang here!

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's dear. It sounds like you got very good advice at the chatrooms. A Gt may help you find a pth that you are comfortable with. My history was different but there were certainly times in my life when i was content with being male. Periods passed when i never considered any form of being more feminine. There is nothing wrong with that just as there is no real shame or guilt in being ourselves. A fetish? I thought that as well at times. Mostly i think the fact that convinces me of my path is the peace i have finally found. In many ways that is all any of us can find. Peace with ourselves brings a chance at happiness.

Try to enjoy whatever path you take. You are not alone

Hugs,

Charlie