My problem isn't addiction, it's that I can't get myself to care.

[Guest Placebo1113]

Honestly, I think my biggest problem isn't the substance I abuse, it's that I can't seem to bring myself to care what they do to my body. I suppose most of it stems around my suicidal/depressive tendencies, but really: shouldn't some survival instincts be screaming at me to want to avoid cancer or organ failure? Am I just subconsciously too naive to think I could get sick? Or does a serious medical problem just feel more like permission to die without being blamed?

[Charlize]

As an active alcoholic i was often told i was killing myself. So what, what's new, don't try to scare me with i already know. I drank through heart attacks, open heart surgery and claimed close to killing myself. I didn't have a problem either. Everybody drinks. Sod off and leave me alone with my best friend. Point is i had grown to know i couldn't quit if i wanted to. I knew that so why bother. I had settled into the acceptance of a painful slow death. Pass me the bottle.

7 years and 9 days ago was my first day sober for many years. I love my life now. The changes with sobriety have taken beyond my wildest dreams to worlds i never thought possible.

If you think you have a problem please know that sobriety is possibility. Join us in chat on Sun at 9 EST. That was the first trans meeting of sober addicts i attended. Now i go to 3 a week. MTF and FTM clean and helping each other to stay that way. It is possible.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Michelle 2010]

Hi, Michelle alcoholic here. I have come to believe that the disease of addiction is a disease of perception. This notion is not mine, but frequently quoted and recognized as a reality. It was only after I got sober that I realized how distorted my thinking was.

It might be worth trying out sobriety and seeing if your thinking shifts. One can always change his mind if he choses to do so.

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest Cody76]

Hi, Michelle alcoholic here. I have come to believe that the disease of addiction is a disease of perception. This notion is not mine, but frequently quoted and recognized as a reality. It was only after I got sober that I realized how distorted my thinking was.

It might be worth trying out sobriety and seeing if your thinking shifts. One can always change his mind if he choses to do so.

Hugs

Michelle

This is true. You think a lot clearer and you realize that you've been highly delusional.

[Guest Noah R.]

Dont waste your beautiful years on abusing. Life can be great, you know? I went trough all that alcohol and drugs abusing period of life and I still can not forgive myself. You waste years, health, money, loose friends, family and for what? Quitting is not easy. You need to want to quit from depth of your heart. And after bad times there comes a day when you are capable to feel again. And to feel is to live! Give yourself a chance to feel beauty of life and how beautiful you are!

[Guest CatsAndEspresso]

Dont waste your beautiful years on abusing. Life can be great, you know? I went trough all that alcohol and drugs abusing period of life and I still can not forgive myself. You waste years, health, money, loose friends, family and for what? Quitting is not easy. You need to want to quit from depth of your heart. And after bad times there comes a day when you are capable to feel again. And to feel is to live! Give yourself a chance to feel beauty of life and how beautiful you are!

This.

Also: I can relate to this. I've found myself to be pretty apathetic about possible consequences of my substance abuse as well. I think it probably is a result of being depressed and suicidal and possibly low self esteem...after all if you hate yourself why should you care what happens to you? I know I feel this way sometimes.

I think therapy could be good for you. You ARE worth being healthy and do not deserve health problems at all.

[Guest Ender]

^All of that.

I've never had issues with substances but I've certainly battled anorexia before and it has similar destructive potential. When you're unhappy inside of yourself, I think it's easy to become apathetic about what happens but the thing is that it's only in this discrete moment that you're unhappy. Things tend to get enormously better once you grow up a bit; I know my emotions have settled down quite a lot just within the last couple of years (I'm in my twenties). I get bad days but they're not even close to how bad they were as a teenager, and the good days are much better.

You're worth protecting so, please, protect yourself.

[Guest jody h]

hi hun

there are lots of that go through this. for me it was inability to face my transgenderism. sex, drugs, recklas behaviour were the way out for me. same as you i didnt care what happended to me or my body. i contracted hep c, went through the treatment and still carried on, got hiv as well.throw in bipolar and i nearly gave up. But the good thing is you can crack out of it. it doesnt happen overnight and it takes a little effort. i went to see my doc and said i need help im transgender and my head is all over the place.she was superb and just talked to me. she refered me to mental health who also got me on a drug councelling program. once you seek help it is out there. work out what is really important to you and go for it. your health can change quicker than you think. now my attitude is bring it on i wont be beaten. we all have different reasons for our escape methods and sometimes the answeres aarnt easy but if you challenge them they can turn out to be a bit easier than you think. im the same as you,i have been on suicide watch and with my bipolar i can write a book on depression,its taken going through a few different drugs to find the ones that work. sit down and see if you could take on the world hell you have nothing to loose but a lot to gain. there are loads of people who can help just ask.

[Guest aballofquestions]

God knows I didnt care what it would do to me. Was the last thing on my mind. I didnt think about what it was doing, I needed it to survive. If you were starving to death and someone gave you french fries would you worry about the cholesterol?

I didnt care about anything. That was the point. The thing is eventually I realized it wasnt just hurting me, I was going to die, soon, if I didnt change things. I decided I would rather give in and ask for some help than die at that moment. Its never too early to ask for help and asking for help is never a sign of weakness. Strong people are strong enough to admit they need help to carry the weight of the world.