Firm believer in my religion however im trans....

[Guest shinyd9]

Hi. Im a firm believer in the church. I served a mission for 2 years and have had various callings. im 25 now and i am stuck. I feel that I am transgender and have been or had feelings of wanting to be the other gender since i can remember. I know that the church isnt against transgender or gays i just feel that being transgender and coming out and transitioning is kind of frowned upon. im actually not even that sure what the churchs stance is on it. ive never met any other mormons that are transgender so seeing this forum kind of suprised me alot. I want to be a woman in the church. Not a man. Is that even accepted after transition. Well i guess they wouldnt know. but if they did know.

[Carolyn Marie]

I think that a review of the threads in this Forum will give you a very realistic idea of what the experience has been of Mormon transfolk. I'm sure some members will come along to answer in your thread, as well. I think the answer is a mixed bag, at best.

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

I am not myself a member of the LDS Church, but have had close contact with it and other TG people who are full members over the years. There is limited and somewhat Stake by Stake acceptance as far as the gender mixed activities go, but I have not heard of anyone crossing over line of gender specific ministries in the Church. I have heard of restraints on contact with the youngest members of the Church as well from LDS friends who are Trans*. As Carolyn Marie has said though, do read over the threads here, another member has posted recently about her experiences about a month ago.

[Guest Jenn348]

Hi. Im a firm believer in the church. I served a mission for 2 years and have had various callings. im 25 now and i am stuck. I feel that I am transgender and have been or had feelings of wanting to be the other gender since i can remember. I know that the church isnt against transgender or gays i just feel that being transgender and coming out and transitioning is kind of frowned upon. im actually not even that sure what the churchs stance is on it. ive never met any other mormons that are transgender so seeing this forum kind of suprised me alot. I want to be a woman in the church. Not a man. Is that even accepted after transition. Well i guess they wouldnt know. but if they did know.

Sorry I took so long to get on here. I don't come every day or even every week.

I'm currently fighting the good fight to have my transition accepted. I attend regularly and I live as a female full-time.

My tips:

Don't ask for permission to transition. They will do anything to try to talk you out of it. But really, why should you ask for permission to get a necessary medical treatment? If you needed an appendix removed, would you call your bishop? Do women getting boob jobs call the bishop?

Gather your documentation. Have a letter from as many experts (psych, MD, etc) as possible stating that your treatment is medically necessary and thus non-elective. The church policy is that "elective transsexual operations" "may" be cause for disciplinary action. If you provide proof that the treatment is non-elective, their hands are basically tied.

Finally, pray about it. Nobody can tell you whether transition is right for you or not. Do what Joseph Smith did; ask God. Whatever answer you get, follow it bravely and don't let anybody talk you out of it.

[Drea]

I know that the church isnt against transgender or gays i just feel that being transgender and coming out and transitioning is kind of frowned upon.

Well outside support sites like this where transitioning folks seem to get all the attention and congratulations, it isn't like transitioning is cheered and embraced. Even when understood and accepted doesn't mean the average person finds the idea "normal" cause, well for most of them, if they were put thru what we do willing they would think it the worst of all horrors.

Transition is something you do for you and nobody else and if it is something you need to do what others feel is pretty irrelevant. If it isn't a need but rather a want, then maybe there is that balance that needs to be considered.

Sorry I took so long to get on here. I don't come every day or even every week.

I'm currently fighting the good fight to have my transition accepted. I attend regularly and I live as a female full-time.

My tips:

Don't ask for permission to transition. They will do anything to try to talk you out of it. But really, why should you ask for permission to get a necessary medical treatment? If you needed an appendix removed, would you call your bishop? Do women getting boob jobs call the bishop?

Gather your documentation. Have a letter from as many experts (psych, MD, etc) as possible stating that your treatment is medically necessary and thus non-elective. The church policy is that "elective transsexual operations" "may" be cause for disciplinary action. If you provide proof that the treatment is non-elective, their hands are basically tied.

Finally, pray about it. Nobody can tell you whether transition is right for you or not. Do what Joseph Smith did; ask God. Whatever answer you get, follow it bravely and don't let anybody talk you out of it.

Seems like some pretty good advice here, thank you Jenn for contributing.

[Cyndee]

Like Jenn said, pray, the answer will come, good advice !

My answer was to leave at age 15, never looking back...

Cyndi -

[Guest April63]

I was in a similar situation while I was in high school. I strongly believed the teachings if the church, but I was confused when it came to combining those with my feelings regarding my gender. I remember asking questions here about what to do when your church isn't supportive. I think most of the responses were along the lines of finding a different church. Of course, for a Latter-day Saint, that wasn't really an option. So I never really found an answer.

There are some people that try to suppress their feelings and attend church as if they were never transgender. I suppose I was kind of like that in high school. This might work, but it probably won't work long term. Others do try to transition at church. Success here depends mostly on the leaders in your area. The church has an interesting power structure, and there really is no guarantee that the church will operate exactly the same way in two different areas. Unfortunately, there really isn't a way to test this without diving into it. The other problem is that even if all seems to be well, a new bishop or stake president could reverse your progress.

Another option could be to slowly disappear from church, transition, and then rejoin as the other gender. I was originally opposed to this idea when I was younger. However, to me it seems to be the way with the greatest chance of success while transitioning and sticking with the church. I used to think the church, as an organization, was perfect, and therefore I didn't like the idea of rejoining. To me that would have been similar to blasphemy or something sacrilegious. I no longer see it that way, and I think that it is possible to firmly believe the teachings without having to follow the policies of the church to the letter.

Some people have left the church, or at least have stopped believing, because of how it treats LGBT people. That's not what happened to me, but it is a possible solution. At this point I don't think all if the claims made by the church are true, but I came to that conclusion completely independent of my feelings about gender. In the long run, this is probably the simplest route, however I realize that it's very hard to simply stop believing something that you hold to be so true. I was there, and I remember.

There isn't a simple solution at this point. I think soul searching and prioritizing is the only way to really find out what you need to do, but thankfully you're not alone. Hopefully some changes will cone in the future, but that may be a while to wait.

April

[JenniferB]

I was in a similar situation while I was in high school. I strongly believed the teachings if the church, but I was confused when it came to combining those with my feelings regarding my gender. I remember asking questions here about what to do when your church isn't supportive. I think most of the responses were along the lines of finding a different church. Of course, for a Latter-day Saint, that wasn't really an option. So I never really found an answer.

There are some people that try to suppress their feelings and attend church as if they were never transgender. I suppose I was kind of like that in high school. This might work, but it probably won't work long term. Others do try to transition at church. Success here depends mostly on the leaders in your area. The church has an interesting power structure, and there really is no guarantee that the church will operate exactly the same way in two different areas. Unfortunately, there really isn't a way to test this without diving into it. The other problem is that even if all seems to be well, a new bishop or stake president could reverse your progress.

Another option could be to slowly disappear from church, transition, and then rejoin as the other gender. I was originally opposed to this idea when I was younger. However, to me it seems to be the way with the greatest chance of success while transitioning and sticking with the church. I used to think the church, as an organization, was perfect, and therefore I didn't like the idea of rejoining. To me that would have been similar to blasphemy or something sacrilegious. I no longer see it that way, and I think that it is possible to firmly believe the teachings without having to follow the policies of the church to the letter.

Some people have left the church, or at least have stopped believing, because of how it treats LGBT people. That's not what happened to me, but it is a possible solution. At this point I don't think all if the claims made by the church are true, but I came to that conclusion completely independent of my feelings about gender. In the long run, this is probably the simplest route, however I realize that it's very hard to simply stop believing something that you hold to be so true. I was there, and I remember.

There isn't a simple solution at this point. I think soul searching and prioritizing is the only way to really find out what you need to do, but thankfully you're not alone. Hopefully some changes will cone in the future, but that may be a while to wait.

April

That's similar to the way I look at it. There are many good things the church teaches. I was considered a "golden child" because I accepted everything without question. Even before I was baptized I read the entire BoM. But now I can see with that approach there really wasn't a foundation. So when the excitement diminished, I fell away.

If I ever came back to the church it would be under a totally different pretense. I would have to have some confirmation on the truth of the church. All I am sure of is that there is a God, and that is because I can feel him, especially, at times, when I pray. And other times as answer to prayers. I don't know what he looks like, whether he sends a spirit to touch me, or what. I figure if I needed to know that he would have showed me. I still pray to God, but instead of the churches teachings, it's personal. And more and more I'm beginning to see it's a personal thing with everyone.

If the church works for a person, fine. As for me there will have to be more personal revelations before I would go back. I'm a member of AA, and have found more spiritual growth there than I've found in any church. I have never been around so many people who have so much gratitude and humility, thankful that they have been saved from misery and death. I'm transgender and yet I have never been judged, instead I've been totally accepted, and have performed service positions. I think if the church could show this type of humility, it would be more believable in my eyes.

Jenny