Unnerving Situation

[tracy_j]

I just had an experience today which I found totally unnerving although it really should not be but maybe shows how I have changed. I thought I would share as some of the issues may be relevant to others.

Going out to visit relatives I was dressed in very feminine manner (leggings polo neck tee, short knitted dress and girly fleece) as usual but not really trying to pass or anything. Just being me. This type of clothing I wear a couple of times a week and have become quite relaxed even though occasionally I get stares etc but few comments.

I realised that I needed to get a new line for the lawn strimmer (it's getting warm again wahey! - but grass needs cutting) so decided to visit the local 'do it yourself' store.

This experience really threw me! All the staff in the store were fairly young and male. I felt so odd(?) and out of place you cannot believe (or maybe you can lol). I must admit there were no issues and no-one batted an eyelid (the only mention at all was from the only other customer in the store (male) who asked a staff member when we were both at the counter whether he was serving him or 'the lady' - I don't think he was looking closely but still felt good). My speech is very male so, having to ask for product details, there is no way of passing at the moment so staff I had spoken to knew.

I really think that it cannot be more than a couple of years ago when I would find these stores no problem at all and beauty / womens clothing shops really embarrasing places. Now it is really getting to be totally the reverse! It may be partly due to what I was wearing and the fact that I was obviously not female but I feel it was more than that. Otherwise why am I not similarly embarrassed when looking through the dress racks (even when fully male although I find it easier when dressed more feminine as staff are more sure how to communicate [relaxed - the dress is more likely for me]). I also feel more 'out of place' in parts stores anyway, even those for equipment I am expert in.

I think I may visit in male mode next time if in the near future. I really need to be far more confident when in female / feminine mode among strange male dominated company. I must admit that, even though I have not ever been really relaxed in heavy male dominated company, as time goes by I do, more often, find men very intimidating with little cause. This is even though I am becoming more relaxed finding my place in feminine form. I think I am looking at them differently (perhaps that is the logical consequence of being more feminine).

There are probably quite a few mixed emotions and things in what I have written. I still need to get my head around it a bit.

I hope this gives people food for thought. Its a confusing life we lead but interesting!

Tracy

[Charlize]

We certainly do go through a difference in the perception of comfort with other genders. In my case i also find it difficult to be in a room of men. I was recently in a meeting that was filled with young men. I was glad when a young woman sat by me. Somehow i just felt safer. As a male i could just puff up my little chest and pretend manliness. That is more than a bit difficult now. I'm fortunate to mostly pass(I think) at least as far as not being embarrassed. Oddly after a life in construction i love going to the hardware store and getting help. I may know more than the clerk that thinks i'm ignorant but i enjoy the fact that they carry my purchases and load the dump truck for me if the stuff is big. A smile is thanks enough. Perceptions are indeed different but it is more and more just me living as myself and that is such a joy!

Hugs,

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

I agree that things can get turned around in a hurry, and its all part of the socialization process that we go through, whether FtM or MtF. I was never a "Mr. Fix-It" but had no trouble fitting in or being comfortable at Home Depot. But now I feel like most of the sales people look at me and think, "aww, the Little Lady needs help," and then proceed to patronize me. On the flip side, I fit right in at the nail salon, makeup counter and petite section of the department store.

We adapt to changing environments and situations all our lives, and it has nothing to do with gender roles. Figuring out how to act, how we expect ourselves to behave, how others expect us to behave, and how others act towards us, is a fascinating part of this journey. I think that's why so many anthropologists and sociologists like to study us. As Mr. Spock would say, "Fascinating."

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Being a girl surrounded by men is intimidating, even if it's a professional environment.

You just need to be a little more confident in yourself when placed in such a situation, and of course not forget to be nice and polite.

[Guest April Kristie]

Lizzie, if it were only that simple, but I am sure what you wrote has merit. I was in the HD store getting some odds n ends for the house, I had just come from the hairdressers with a full head of deep red shoulder length hair and great makeup and I felt pretty and empowered! However, as I went to the self automated checkout I had to pass by three young girls and a guy, they were in their twenties and as I stand 6'8" or 203 cm+- and had skinny jeans a pink sweater and pink lips, they saw what my paranoia meter said "guy". How did I deduce this? As I went outside to my car with my goods,luck would have it that they were parked right next to my car. And they were all laughing hysterically. The guy was in the drivers seat and the three girls in the back, their windows were rolled up and they did not say anything to me at all. Nor made eye contact. I got in my car and electrically and quietly rolled away. My feelings of juxtaposition and coincidence of their self derived humor possibly being caused by me. Yes it bugged me, but did not ruin my day, just another trip to the home improvement store.