Change to fit in?

[Guest Alexisyoi]

I am male, well technically ftm, and I have an androgynous personality and style. I do not want to be referred to as a woman at all and it annoys me when people, despite my very masculine voice, take me for one just because I don't fit into their stereotyped boxes of what men should look like.

So, I talked to my mom today and I said happily that my face now doesn't has a feminine shape at all. She then told me that because I don't like being seen as a woman, I should change myself to look like what a man 'should' look like. Like, I should cut my hair into a masculine hairstyle, even though I don't think mine now isn't particularly feminine although it isn't super short. I love my hair damnit. And I should try to work out more and get psyked about building more and more muscles and get wider and bigger by the day, even though that is so not my personality. I should eat like a horse even though my stomach can't take it. I don't get it. Why should I have to change who I am just so that I can be respected and treated as the man I am? Why do these gender roles have to be so damn firm and specific? Hardly anyone fits into them anyway.

Frankly, it pisses me off to even think about changing my style, my hair and my personality simply because someone tells me to...

What do you guys think? Have this ever happened to you?

[Guest Jennifer T]

What sux more is when you do change to 'fit in' and you never really do fit in anyway. Next thing you know, you've spent your entire life being someone you really weren't meant to be; regretting.

Sorry, one of those days...

[tracy_j]

I would suggest - be yourself - that is what I try to be!

Don't worry about things too much if you can. I have tried to adapt to others for many years but it has not made me happy and perhaps made me appear false to others as well.

Obviously everyone needs to conform to society to some extent but if you are yourself you will be more confident and appear more like you are / wish to be.

Just my thoughts!

Tracy

[Charlize]

It is always hard because society sees gender so strongly. The first words a family hears is the gender of junior. For me it's easier to simply go with the flow and pick what works best for me. It would be easier to really be just one but i am happy to be myself. I think it comes down to acceptance of our sometimes awkward position.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Kalie Aowynn]

I say don't change a thing . Be you as you see fit and stereotypes be damned. This may be a thing you are just have to deal with.. Or maybe simple changes that still fit your style while giving off a more masculine aire. One thing you could do is watch the guys and see how people are react to the different type of guys and incorperate what fits your style from what you see.

[Guest Asuri]

What do you guys think? Have this ever happened to you?

Yes! I know this awkward situation.

In my opinion, the best way is "be yourself"!

Your life would be easier when you fit in, but that will make you very unhappy and sad. For our society it it is normal that biological anatomy and gender are irrevocably entwined, but that is not true! Maybe they will accept and understand that someday......

So far, I would feel miserably, if I would wear very feminine clothing and behave emphasizes feminine. I feel, look and act androgynous.

[Guest]

Rock stars have looked that way for years. I emulated that in the beginning of my journey. I wonder if they took that kind of flack too?

When I was young, I was a hippie kid fitting into the era. Lately when I'm in the old Peace, Love & Rock'n roll mood, I think back about what it is that separated the look of boys from the girls. I still have not arrived at a casual old hippie girl look without getting gendered as "Sir". Grrr... I hate that.. I can feel for your dilemma. What causes people to see what they see? You will find the signature you, as long as you can see yourself outside the rigid social box. Flip'em if they can't take a joke! oops, my bad keyboard is acting up again. LOL! Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest Bug90]

Hi Alexisyoi, I have spent most of my life being the person that i was told to be and it nearly destroyed me. Be who you are and don't give a second thought about what others say or think.

If you want to fit in a little bit more work on you posture, that tends to be a dead giveaway.

Best wishes Bug

[Guest Kadaj]

I absolutely feel the same!

I hate stereotypes and I pretend to be what I feel to be!!

Everyday I wonder if would be better to fit to the society and what it pretends people to be.

Then I think... life is just one. And it's short!

We have to be happy and live as we want!!

Unfortunately...it's a lesson I still have to learn..

[Guest Kalie Aowynn]

Stereo types don't fit our lives. we were born one way and feel a different way. So like many of the others on here feel I will make my own road, my own look and love the way I feel. That is the way I choose to live. Because you only have to satisfy yourself because can't leave yourself. Find or build your road and haul donkey hun. enjoy the journey .

[Guest noeleena]

Hi,

Acceptance is the key and it depends on attitude , i dont fit in as a male or female in the normal way and no one really cares because im pretty much accepted for who i am and my background is well known ,

with in our community where i live we have less than 3,500 people in Waimate , NZ and as a member of quite a few groups its not an issue Brass bands 4 of with a member ship of some 100 members and in the publc domain plus i do P R work for our groups,

to have acceptance you need to join groups and have interests its not how you look or in my case not its you become a member and in my case i was put on 3 commitees with out my asking , i was told your on i accepted so it really does come down to get involved get seen and people soon accept you i,v proved this so many times and in Austraila as well ,

Do they care im intersexed female or not no of cause not and how i dress a bit different no yet they wont me with them why , im a member and part of thier or our groups, acceptance comes when you show you are for real not what you wear , execpt when we are on parade and in uniform and then we are all part of the same dress code and thats neat as well you really do belong, i know i do ,

...noeleena...