Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I Know Who I Am Now


Guest Midoe

Recommended Posts

Guest Midoe

I know that I have only been a member for two days, but I have read A LOT here. It really helps. But I've had these feelings that I'm not who I am for a LONG time. But anyways I noticed one overlaying theme for people who are confused on what they really want, to try it. To just test out being the role of the opposite gender, so I did.

I started out slow, first I went to Albersons and bought a bra and panties to wear under a “dress like” pajamas. I tried them on and to my surprise there was no arousal at all. I looked at my self in the mirror, I mean really looked at myself and I felt disgusted with myself. I am a VERY hairy person so I just made a snap decision to shave... EVERYWERE!!! I shaved my under arms, chest, legs (which was a lot harder then I thought) and I thinned out my arm hair and shaved my mustache, which Ive had for almost 5 years. ( I dunno I guess I just kept it because I thought it would help me get over any confusion I had) But after I was hair free I tried again and I looked at myself again....

This time I looked at myself and I cried. What I saw made me feel so good about myself. I really looked like a women. I saw the look in my eyes and I could see how I could be truly beautiful. How I could look at myself and feel good about my self, that I could feel right. What hurt was knowing that it will all grow back and then I'll just be the same again.

I told Ashley and Sarah and today we all went to the mall and Sarah gave me the best supportive gift she could have ever done for me. We bought me a wig (in the hair style that I've always wanted) a very beautiful dress and matching nail polish+ removal (I'm not ready to tell the world yet) but when I got home and put It all on I cried once again. I really felt beautiful, I felt like I was almost whole. Lately I've been very undecided if I wanted to live with these feelings or try to change. Well after today, I know what I want to do... I want to try and change. To let the outside reflect what is on the inside. I know that this will not be easy and there is a lot of work to do, but just having this place and its great resources really helps. I guess the first step is to tell my mom, well wish me luck :)

Ive uploaded a picture. Sorry Im not smileing, I had another to add but i didnt notice the size was too long. Oh and i just notived that my mirror is messy with a ton of smudges... sorry :rolleyes:

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~
I know that I have only been a member for two days, but I have read A LOT here. It really helps. But I've had these feelings that I'm not who I am for a LONG time. But anyways I noticed one overlaying theme for people who are confused on what they really want, to try it. To just test out being the role of the opposite gender, so I did.

I started out slow, first I went to Albersons and bought a bra and panties to wear under a “dress like” pajamas. I tried them on and to my surprise there was no arousal at all. I looked at my self in the mirror, I mean really looked at myself and I felt disgusted with myself. I am a VERY hairy person so I just made a snap decision to shave... EVERYWERE!!! I shaved my under arms, chest, legs (which was a lot harder then I thought) and I thinned out my arm hair and shaved my mustache, which Ive had for almost 5 years. ( I dunno I guess I just kept it because I thought it would help me get over any confusion I had) But after I was hair free I tried again and I looked at myself again....

This time I looked at myself and I cried. What I saw made me feel so good about myself. I really looked like a women. I saw the look in my eyes and I could see how I could be truly beautiful. How I could look at myself and feel good about my self, that I could feel right. What hurt was knowing that it will all grow back and then I'll just be the same again.

I told Ashley and Sarah and today we all went to the mall and Sarah gave me the best supportive gift she could have ever done for me. We bought me a wig (in the hair style that I've always wanted) a very beautiful dress and matching nail polish+ removal (I'm not ready to tell the world yet) but when I got home and put It all on I cried once again. I really felt beautiful, I felt like I was almost whole. Lately I've been very undecided if I wanted to live with these feelings or try to change. Well after today, I know what I want to do... I want to try and change. To let the outside reflect what is on the inside. I know that this will not be easy and there is a lot of work to do, but just having this place and its great resources really helps. I guess the first step is to tell my mom, well wish me luck :)

Ive uploaded a picture. Sorry Im not smileing, I had another to add but i didnt notice the size was too long. Oh and i just notived that my mirror is messy with a ton of smudges... sorry :rolleyes:

Dearest Midoe,

Amen sister!!! Shaving all of your hair off was so right the thing to do! Nothing makes one feel more feminine than shaving off the hair that used to define us as male (legs, arms, underarms, etc). I came to that same revalation years ago! I have undergone the same transformation as you have!! I no longer hide it to anyone (next step, maybe for you). Hairlessness is key to feminity! I am so gald you discovered this on your own. You are on you way! Feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to and advice. I am much older than you and I have through hell and back. I hope that I can help you.

With much love,

bernie

Link to comment
Guest michelle.butterfly

You *are* quite beautiful Midoe. Thanks for your post, it's nice to hear your story of looking in the mirror and seeing yourself. :D

For me the body hair was not as big of a deal since I have fairly light hair, but it has been nice to play around with removing it anyway. ;) I'm not sure it's totally key to femininity in my case (well, unless you're talking *beard*!), as there are a lot of GG's out there with heavier/darker body hair than I have, but I definitely feel a connection to all those girls who have dealt with removing their body hair for most of their lives.

Keep in mind, tho, that it's not everywhere that girls shave their legs/armpits, etc. That's part of the American Cultural Assumption. :P (http://www.c2.com/cgi/wiki?AmericanCulturalAssumption -- I take no responsbility for anyone who ends up spending endless hours on the c2 wiki as have I.)

Love,

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest Midoe

OK thank you so much, I'm getting ready to tell my mom about it, but I'm nervous, its not like I feel I'm wrong or bad, its just that It would help if she were approving, which I'm sure she might, but I don't know.... Oh and also shes the one with the money that I'd have to use to make what I want a reality. :P

Anyways... yes I do want people to know who I really am, to take off this mask and truly be myself... just one person at a time though.

Link to comment
Guest Naomi Stardust

what a great story!

oh yeah, been there

i remember the first time i shaved everything... it was amazing

i cried too

i like your hair, it's a good style for you

thanks for sharing

Link to comment
Guest Irielle

Hi Midoe -

I think you look wonderful. I shave my entire body and I always feel so good when I do. Next week I go in for my first laser treatment on my beard. I don't have much body or facial hair and I am glad for that. I HATE hair unless it's on the top of my head :)

I'm really glad to have discovered the woman inside of you. Good luck with your mom; I hope it goes well for you. :)

Iri

Link to comment
Guest karma

Wow thats great girl. congrats. Im glad you have found yourself. It took me 21 years, a wife and a son luckly they support me. I hope everything gose great for you hon. And welcome, the people here are so amizing and wounderful. Let it all out girl were all here for you.

Awalys Karma

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   10 Members, 0 Anonymous, 134 Guests (See full list)

    • BUGFIEND
    • SamC
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • Kait
    • KymmieL
    • Birdie
    • KathyLauren
    • Ashley0616
    • MaryEllen
    • Astrid
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,115
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tiffany Cross
    Newest Member
    Tiffany Cross
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alex Blitzen
      Alex Blitzen
    2. ARK
      ARK
      (37 years old)
    3. Beverley50
      Beverley50
      (58 years old)
    4. Em
      Em
    5. Jlandry1970
      Jlandry1970
  • Posts

    • RaineOnYourParade
      I don't personally agree with people opting out of LGBT education, but I suppose it would depend on the context it was taught in. Parents do have the right to opt their children out of sex ed and such for various reasons, so if it was taught in line with sex ed (which would make sense, as those classes also cover puberty as well as sometimes relationship health, so it would be about in-line with how heterosexual students are taught about their own types of relationships), I would understand them then being able to opt out. Similarly, parents often have options to opt their child out of reading books with "disturbing" content, so if the novels chosen for LGBT discussion have a large focus on homophobia/etc., an opt-out option might be made available due to the intensity of the content rather than the content itself. I've seen these for books like To Kill a Mockingbird and All-American Boys that discuss racism in-depth, as some parents might not be comfortable with their child/teenager reading intense content. I disagree with the choices to opt-out of reading these books since I think they're important, but I do understand why they're provided.   So, I think whether an opt-out option would be provided for these topics would depend on the way that they were presented. I didn't see anything in the article saying where the topics were being presented (though correct me if I'm wrong). Are they being talked about in sex ed or in content that may be considered disturbing? In that case, it wouldn't necessarily be LGBT-phobic legislation, per se -- It's about in line with what is in line for dozens of topics. 
    • Birdie
      I feel much better after a nice nap, breakfast, and a cup of tea.    I go to see a specialist today at the hospital, so I won't be at the day-centre till this afternoon. ☺️
    • RaineOnYourParade
      G'morning! Green tea for my morning beverage. My mom made me eat breakfast so I could take a pill... and now I feel sick, thanks to my weird stomach .-.   Stomach issues aside, I signed up for a story gift exchange a little while ago and just got in the story with four minutes to spare! Liiiiittle close for comfort, but, hey, it's in!   We're at that point in the school year where we aren't doing much. AP testing is done for my history class, so we're watching a WWII film rn (Dunkirk). My college course is already over as well (the semester ends earlier), so I've really only got two classes to worry about, and one of those is an art class. Lowest stress I've had all year.
    • Heather Shay
      Another Hidden Treasure I heard for the first time today. Well written, wonderful vocals and nice instrumental work throughot and even covered two Dalton and Dubarri songs.  
    • Ladypcnj
      I noticed that there is not too many online intersex support groups?  
    • Lydia_R
    • Heather Shay
      Which emotion seems to be the strongest in your life and is it good or bad?
    • Heather Shay
      Equilibrium takes so long to achieve
    • Heather Shay
      Emotional exhaustion is a feeling of being emotionally drained or overextended by one's work, or as a result of continual stress from challenging or adverse events in life. It's a symptom of burnout, which is a chronic state of physical and emotional depletion that can result from excessive work or personal demands.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Birdie
      Frustrating day yesterday.....   It seems the centre had used the "lack of enough prep time", and "you must get a full shower to be able to attend" to basically get their way. It is what it is, because I basically have no defence.   I did mention that female participants are scheduled with enough time for their hair and makeup, but their response was of course, "you are not female."   I can either abide by the rules or leave the program.    I did file a complaint yesterday about years of excruciating pain I endured in my leg that their doctor accused me of "inventing" because I "didn't have anything wrong with it." And how after vascular surgery the horrible pain has finally departed.  How it is absolutely absurd that medical professionals can minimise someone's pain like it doesn't exist.    Their reply, "well, at least your were finally seen by a specialist and taken care of."   The meeting did not go well!   So starting today I have two options. Either cut my hair off or wear it in a ponytail. I shall go with the ponytail. I will also let my hair grow until it reaches my hips, and I told them that as well. As long as it's in a ponytail at will be acceptable. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I disagree with this...I don't think it is good news to tell parents they can't opt their kids out of sex/gender instruction at ages they feel are inappropriate, or that violate their faith.    However, perhaps some good will come out of this.  I hope it totally destabilizes public education, or at least yields robust state voucher programs so parents who can't afford to homeschool can send their kids elsewhere.  It might even encourage some folks to move to areas where they fit better.  One of my husband's friends lives in Montgomery County, and has two kids in the school system there.  They've been talking about leaving, long before this, for multiple reasons.  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...