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Emma, the Girl Inside.


Guest EmmaPark94

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Guest EmmaPark94

I was born male to two devout Christian parents. Growing up in their household isn't the most comfortable place to live in, but it's temporary, and I have an open-minded older brother.

Growing up, I never got to experience being who I wanted to be. I still haven't, not sure if I ever will. I remember, when I was 4 years old, I tried making a dress from a grocery bag. Daddy walked in, with his dark hair, and his bushy brows stitched together. He wasn't impressed at all. Followed by a vicious spanking, because that is how problems are solved, apparently.

I thought maybe my friends wouldn't mind. I was very wrong. I told one friend, and they told many others. Those friends became my enemies, bullying me for years to come. So from a young age, I've learned to conceal this.

Fast-forward to 2013, I'm a teenage girl living in a male body, in a private Christian school. I met a girl who transferred from a public school. The kind of people my parents would warn me about. That girl is the best thing to have happened to me. She accepts me as a transgender, as well as her family. But I told her I don't plan to transition (subject to change?)

And now, I look to see what my future holds, every day.

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Guest Rose1993

Although my parents are amazing and supportive, i do understand how you feel to a degree. Im adopted, and earlier this year i tried to get to know my birth parents, big mistake. I looked forward to getting to know them my entire life, only to find out that they are overly religious, and homo(trans)phobic. Probably one of the worst experiences of my life. I assume you are under 18, and if i was in that situation, i would do exactly what you plan, wait it out until youre 18, then get out of there. Hopefully you have someone else in your life to support you, maybe give you a place to stay until you can get your own ( i would reccomend an old rv, theyre cheap, usually under 1000 dollars, and once you pay for it, its yours! your own home, rent free! thats actually what i plan to do eventually as well) just stick it out, your results if you decide to start hrt at 18 will still be great, im 20, and im already getting great results, and after only 2 1/2 months too! If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me :) ill send you a friend request as well :)

best of luck to you on your journey to self discovery and happiness!

-Rose M

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Guest Maddie8484

I know exactly how you feel. My parents are very strict southern baptists. I came out to them a few years ago and they immediatly took me to talk to our paster. He then proceeded to tell me this is just a phase that is brought on by me not having a girlfriend...yea lol...I was then taken to a christian councelor. He was sponsored by "Focus on the Family" and anyone who grew up in a christian home probably knows that company lol. Anyway, he tried to get me to start a "rehab" program to help get my mind "back on God". It was a pretty traumatic time for me. I could go on and on about it, but the good news is, I bought a house and am planning on moving into it as soon as I can get a better job. So, just keep at it and don't let anyone get you down!

-Maddie :)

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Guest miss kindheart

Hi Emma,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)
We all look forward to seeing you.
:wub: vanna

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  • 1 year later...

Hey Emma,

I have a similar story to you. When I was young my father's girlfriend had a daughter and I would try on her clothes for hours. When I wasn't doing that we were playing pretend and make believe, and when we did this I would often pretend I was a girl. However, I knew that I couldn't do anything in front of my parents or else I would be shamed, so I decided to continue my life as a male. When I got to middle school my feminine feelings came back and I started to envision my life as a woman. Fast forward to now I am becoming more comfortable with it and am now seriously considering transitioning. Nonetheless I hope that your family and friends some around and you get to live your life as a girl. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to message me.

-Arianna

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  • 1 year later...

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    • missyjo
      ok ladies if I've asked this before I'm sorry please delete    ok so I have 2vsiblings..one is overly religious..n preachy n domineering..so he keeps trying to talk with me n I'd like to..but he always falls into this all knowing all wise domineering preachy thing tjaz tells me he's praying for christ to beat Satan for control of my soul..which is doomed to hell bc I'm transgender    I'd like to try to have a civil conversation n try to set him strait n gsin a cooperation n real conversation    any suggestions?
    • missyjo
      abigail darling what about extensions or a wig? be brave n hang in there  to thine own self be true  good luck
    • RaineOnYourParade
      When I first started figuring things out, I got a lot more euphoria. Every time a friend would use he/they pronouns for me, I'd get this bubbly feeling, and seeing myself look masculine made me really happy. Dysphoric state felt more normal, so I guess I noticed the pain it caused me less.   Now, it's more just that my pronouns and such things feel natural, and dysphoria is a lot stronger -- I know what's natural, so experiencing the opposite is more jarring than everything. The problem is, most of my natural experiences are from friends, and I rarely get properly gendered by strangers, much less by my family. I've found myself unable to bind in months due to aches, colds,, and not wanting to risk damage.    It partially makes me want to go back to the beginning of my journey, because at least then I got full euphoria. I'm pretty sure it'll be like this until I medically transition, or at the very least get top surgery (you know all those trans dudes online with tiny chests? Not me, unfortunately). It's a bit depressing, but at least I know that, eventually, there's a way out of this.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Major mood, right here ^^^    I've listened to Lumineers to a long time (a major portion of it by osmosis via my mom), so that is almost painfully relatable
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As for getting a button-up/formal pants suit, you can try to talk to her more -- Cis women in tuxes have worn tuxes in recent years, after all, (for example, Zendaya) so it can still be a relatively safe topic. For jumpsuits, I'd recommend going with a simple one with a blazer, if you can -- this'll make it look overall more masculine. There's a lot of good brands, but going for one without a lot of extra glitz on it will make it look less feminine under a blazer. I don't know many specific brands though since I usually just get my stuff from chain stores, sorry :<   When it comes to your hair, if you can't cut it, you can look up tutorials on fluffing it up instead. If you can pull it off, it can look a lot shorter and more androgynous instead!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      As far as I'm aware, he wasn't -- he just sometimes wore skirts, which was why it was a question in the first place.   In my opinion, part of that is because of the way press spares attention on issues like that. As a bit of a true crime nut and what I see: Child predator cases' (and cases of a sexual nature in general) press focus on those with an AMAB perpetrator generally, and very rarely are AFAB perpetrators given much press time or even getting tried due to a whole bunch of issues I'm not gonna get into. Because of this, when you see these types of cases and a boy is the victim, it's almost always a queer person who is the one who committed a crime that gets press. Therefore, with the amount of cases seen with this type of perpetrator (and due to the fact "99% of queer people are not sexual criminals" doesn't attract eyes), the human brain can kind of naturally makes an association with it. It's not right, but it's also a fault I think falls partially on the media.   That's all my opinion, though!   This is extra confusing to me, as a feminine man is usually viewed as gay. If someone is refusing the acknowledge the existence of trans people, then gay would be the societal connection that comes after, I think. So, that sorta implies that trans women wouldn't be interested in women in the first place by those assumptions? Of course, trans lesbians exist (most trans women I know like women, actually), but it's a little ridiculous to me that people will deny trans people's existence, call all feminine AMAB people gay, and say that trans people are looking to peep all in the same breath.   Wow, this was a lot longer of a response than I was planning to write--
    • Abigail Genevieve
      For one thing, the practice of putting into office wholly unqualified people simply because of racial, sexual or national characteristics.  It is no accident that Karine is a Haitian immigrant, Black and lesbian.  Kamala Harris is a Black female. Pete Buttigieg is gay.  Often you find that Biden explicitly stated that this is why he hired them, not because of competence, but because they checked so many boxes on his little list.  It makes a mockery of people and is a disservice to the US. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am not sure why people are in favor of unaccountable agencies with bloated budgets and wasteful spending. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      What about it?
    • SydneyAngel
      Hey girl  I had a problem like you happen to me also. In my first year of estrogen I had a period where my level were good then they got really bad where my testosterone spike high.  I felt like you with all that disforia coming hard. Our bodies need time to adjust. The process is a real pain in the beginning. It levels out eventually and you don't even think about it. Hang in there hugs 
    • Ivy
      Biden's woke agenda?
    • KatieSC
      I wonder if there will be law enforcement procedural shows coming this fall. I can imagine Law and Order: Genital Crimes Unit, or perhaps, FBI: Domestic Genitalia. Then again, maybe they will dedicate a CSI program about the dedicated members of the Oklahoma State Police Genital Screening Unit. Good to know that those Oklahomans have their priorities squared away.
    • KatieSC
      Protections? Well, when they mandate that some who is transgender can get facial and genital electrolysis paid as it is essential to affirming care, or when they mandate and pay for facial feminization surgery, speech therapy/voice affirmation surgery, I will believe that the order is effective. One of biggest hurdles for many transgender individuals is the cost of care. I remember when my one insurance company tried to say that my speech therapy and voice surgery were "cosmetic". I remember when they blocked paying for my facial surgery. I remember the fight I had to get electrolysis. These procedures could save someone's life if the procedures help the individual successfully transition, and are no longer misgendered. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't think it should be.  Nor do I see Project 2025 as pushing Christian nationalism.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The agencies are supposed to work for him.  The problem, as conservatives found out in Trump 1, was they will ignore the president and do their own thing.  The agencies are supposed to be under his control.   Congress delegated some of its law making authority to the agencies, which is another problem.   The bloated federal government needs to be trimmed.  Dept Education is worthless - test scores have dropped since it was instituted in the Carter administration consistently, and it is currently implementing Biden's woke agenda more than doing anything else.
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