"Baby step" turned into something much more, oh dear!

[Guest TGTrish]

(Background) Although my GD has been slowly developing for several years it really engulfed me just a few months ago. I'm now taking steps towards transitioning while trying to bring my wife in and up to speed on my transsexual situation. Also, somewhere about a decade ago my testosterone levels apparently dropped so low that background estrogen began slowly feminizing my body. This was discovered 6 yrs ago when my doctor became curious about hair loss on my legs. To make matters worse, my doc suggested I take DHEA to boost my T, I started growing man-boobs instead, had to stop the DHEA. When my GD really set in I had no hair at all on my legs, shoulders, most of my arms, and very little on my back.

(Story) Even though I've been secretly cross-dressing for several months, one sign of my manhood has remained painfully in place. I've had it for 25+ years, any removal of it would cause a huge problem with questions - "Why?" Yesterday, with my wife now on board (but struggling heavily), I shaved it all off. Yep, by big fluffy full beard is now in the trash bin. I meant this to be, as much as possible, a baby step, for both myself and my wife, but.... what I found underneath was a face that looks like it has undergone six months or more of strong HRT. The feminizing is very obvious. If I undo my long pony-tail, pull my hair forward, add a headband to hide my male-pattern-baldness, I could pass as, (well at least a somewhat ugly) woman. Add some makeup and I don't doubt I'd pass as a fairly nice looking older woman. This alone, while being bit of a shocker, isn't really bad. The problem is... that without the beard, I really DON"T pass as a man. I, and I'm sure my wife, weren't ready for this. I need to pass as a guy for some time yet. I'm still in the closet to all but my wife and my counselor. If I let my beard grow back enough to hide my femme, managing my GD is going to be *very* difficult. I'll add, a couple of months a go I trimmed my beard up a bit, especially the upper part. I was I somewhat concerned even then that my eyes revealed a noticeable femme look. I didn't however expect to find such a feminized face when fully shaved. Any thoughts?

Troubled,

Trish

[Cyndee]

Hi Trish,

Well, as one that is going to my electrolysis session a little later this afternoon, I'll just say this - good riddins. Shaving facial hair is big step and will change your appearance radically, it probably seems more dramatic since it's been there so long. I'd say an adjustment period is coming your way. Your voice, your clothes, and your mannerisms probably are larger factors than facial hair, not to worry too much really Trish. Is facial hair required equipment to be seen as male in AK ? I've been up there several times without it and survived

I shaved off all my facial hair years ago, it was like shedding the facade, and I faced the world as my true self.

Best of luck,

Cyndi -

[Guest TGTrish]

Hi Cindi,

I was really (and I mean really, really) glad to chuck the facial hair facade, it was wonderfully fun actually. I've been eagerly wait for some time to do it, just needed to pick a time when my wife, family and friends would accept me bare-faced. It's a strong part of the Eastern Orthodox Church culture for men to have beards, or at least some sort of facial hair. My full shave was a step across the Rubicon. Living in Alaska without a beard is no problem, lots of ex-hippies around, plenty of men who like me sport a full pony-tail and beard combo even. My problem is that my face was already significantly and unknowingly feminized under my beard. Depending on the facial expression I now use, my eyes in particular come off appearing strongly feminine. Without enough masculine facial features to balance them the result is too obviously femme. In some ways this is super, I'm much closer to passing in public as full femme than expected. But appearing to family and friends not yet in the know of my transsexualism, it going to raise questions. When in guy-mode hiding my breasts isn't yet a problem, but hiding my feminized face... is there some kind of masculinizing makeup?

All in a flutter,

Trish

[Cyndee]

Hi Cindi,

I was really (and I mean really, really) glad to chuck the facial hair facade, it was wonderfully fun actually. Awesome

My full shave was a step across the Rubicon. - Very familar term around here.

Depending on the facial expression I now use, my eyes in particular come off appearing strongly feminine. - A blessing.

Without enough masculine facial features to balance them the result is too obviously femme. - Male fail does happen, it becomes an issue of managing it.

I'm much closer to passing in public as full femme than expected. Good

All in a flutter,

Trish

A few comments above Trish

Congrats on this big change, I suppose for your family it's up to you to present the facial expressions that best fit your feelings at the time, go with it. Really having a positive attitude can overcome any presentation issues you might have or how feel about yourself, use this change for even more good.

Hugs,

Cyndi -

[Guest kristy1961]

Oh Trish, I wish, I had some advise for your sit.

Alas, all I can do is hope to give you support in letting you know that you are not alone. My journey began while seperated from my wife, although we are together again, at this moment I still walk this path alone. It is wonderful that your partner is in the know and believe I can understand your challenges.

Although I was on hormones 18 mos before her return, the changes , and I mean changes ) really didn't start engaging until after return. ( The last 12 mos ). I believe she knows inside that I am not the "man" that "she wanted" me to be, and that I have really allowed myself to start being the person "I am". As she struggles to understand what others begin to see immediately and continues to deny what is becoming readily apparent, much to my displeasure,I am learning what situations I might be able to diffuse before it becomes an issue when we are out together.

Like Cyndi mentioned, mannerisms and speech go along way in how people gender us, so I have taken to trying to speak first when dealing with people for the first time in order to avoid her inevitable post conversation, frustration, disappointment when we are greeted as the "ladies" as it bothers her that I am not upset by it, and she can't "see it" :-O

However, this strategy appears to be short lived (but still works most of the time) as the other weekend we were out for a bite. I greeted the waiter as he approached the table, ordered, even bantered with him a bit in a voice that was probably a bit lower than I normally use, paid with "my" credit card , and even than as we were leaving we received a lovely and courteous "have a wonderful day ladies!" . Obviously I had infuriating conversation as we walked out the door - ending with me stating "I really don't care how anyone sees me, as I am happy with who I am". A short brief conversation that I have now had with my wife, children, sisters ... Sigh, and often with myself ;-)

That really is the best and only advise I can give: be happy with yourself ; whoever that self is!

And if if anyone else has any advise, this was a great question! And I am all ears ( not litteraly ) :-P

Kristy

[Guest kristy1961]

One other thing, Congratulations on the baby step! Must have been really hard after wearing one so long. I don't know how you did it!

[Guest TGTrish]

Cyndi, Kristy,

Thank you both for your encouraging words, truly! While it was a bit of a shock at first, I'm quickly getting to like my new face. "Guy mode" for me will have to be more like "tomboy mode". When out with my wife she'll be the one under more stress, I really feel for her struggle in this just now.

Settling back down again,

Trish

[Guest TGTrish]

Update:

I went to church yesterday, first time out smoothly shaven. At first I thought all was going well, the first few people I passed or talked to didn't comment on my new look. Afterward at the potluck following the service, one friend admitted that he didn't even recognize me, joked to me and others that I had come incognito. He was polite about my changed look but obviously a little unsettled. Others asked why and showed puzzlement or were clearly unhappy. One couple, good friends of ours, had met us at our car on the way out (for other reasons). When my friend said it was going to take a while to get used to seeing me without a beard his wife immediately commented "no we are NOT going to get used to it, he's going to grow it back!"

Bottom line: at least for my cultural setting it's pretty clear I did cross the dress-code Rubicon. One good side though, now that I can see my face much better I'm really working on my smile

The only one happy with my new face,

Trish

[Guest]

Wow, Trish! I would have been out of luck in AK, I couldn't grow a beard ever.

They'll get used to you without the beard. Of course, they ain't seen nothin yet! Happy transitioning!

Love, Megan

[Guest TGTrish]

Thanks Megan, since the face I found under my beard is so different than even I expected To find, I can understand why my friends were a bit disturbed. I now look quite boyish with definite feminine hints, no clear masculine look unless I let a good "5 o'clock shadow" develop. It's certainly the direction I'm wanting to go in, just needed more time, baby steps, to allow friends and family to adjust.

Trish

[Guest Megan_Lynn]

TGTrish, Just got to say I am super jelly have always wanted to go to Alaska during the June- September salmon runs and the awesome scenery . As for the beard issue not much I can say about it as was never able to grow one ever. Never had a whole lot of face hair to speak of ever. I can say this do what you desire for yourself and do not let anyone tell you how to live your life . As the famous quite says be true to thine self.

[Guest Faith gibson]

Hi Trish,

For what it's worth I so support you and your decision to shave it off. During the summer months for a number of years now I have gone unshaven. It helps keep the rest of them at ease. But I never have been able to grow a real beard, like you, I am very hairless. I have virtually no hair on my legs and only minimum on the rest of my body. Makes things a little easier I suppose. I wish I had more eyebrows and lashes though.

My GD is running rampant lately as well. I so sympathize with you. All the best.

Faith

[Guest TGTrish]

@Faith, thank you!