i don't know how to think about this

[Charlize]

I was shopping at our local Indian grocery store. We have a large Indian population in NJ and as a vegetarian they have such a wonderful and varied cuisine. At the checkout i noticed a handsome young man handing out flyers by the exit. As i passed i saw it was for unlimited calls to India. I smiled and said "sorry i don't know anyone there to call". I left and went out to my car in the parking lot where my wife was waiting.

Before i could unload he appeared behind me and asked, " May i ask you a question". I responded, "yes of course" to which he asked 'What gender are you?". My brain went nuts. I've never been asked that in public. I always thought i passed as no one even seems to notice me. Well i simply said "trans" with my head held high. I no longer am ashamed of who i am. "Do you want to hang out?". Now i'm even more confused. Is he an admirer, closeted or just curious? I will never know as i said "sorry, but no" and when asked "why", i nodded to the car and said "i'm married". He had not noticed my wife in the car.

I would have liked to talk a bit more as i felt quite safe in full daylight right in front of the store. The Indian acceptance of a third gender has always seemed good and as i understand it he's even improved recently by law. I am a bit upset that i was read but also a bit happy to be approached by a handsome young man. At 65 years of age some attention is quite flattering.

Hugs,

Charlize

[tracy_j]

One of those confusing encounters that you may try to analize but will never fully understand :/

It just goes to show how complex life is. How boring things would be without it though

Out and about yesterday while sorting through a pile of 78's in an antique shop I was observed a Japanese (or perhaps Korean) gentleman looking at me strangely. I think my untypical English looks totally threw him but he appeared intrigued. I would love to know what he was thinking!

Just goes to show (and gives me faith) age is no barrier

Tracy x

[Guest Kenna Dixon]

"Do you want to hang out?"

I guess I'm showing my age if I say my first thought would have been, "My god, no! Which part of me is?"

[Drea]

I don't think it is anything to worry about.

You really can't know what his interest is. I would think it likely he is an admirer of some sort. Maybe there is some unique hijra thing in his thought process I couldn't even guess at cause I don't know that culture well but I expect over there they have admirers too. He could be closeted trans as well.

Or both closeted CD and admirer as I have found these sometimes come hand in hand sometimes. Specifically closeted bisexual married CD admirer interested in some side action. There been three people who heard thru the grape vine that heard I was trans and went to lengths to contact me. One was trans themselves and looking for local resources, the other two both fit this closeted married CD who is bisexual and looking for side action.

One is the father of one of my daughters friends, the other is someone I went to high school with. Both heard I was trans and went to lengths to track me down to express their interest. Kind of creepy, but they went away when I didn't return the interest. So his following you out may fit that profile.

There are lots of people who are pretty good at spotting gays, even ones with no overt outward expression so it doesn't surprise me that someone trans aware (or any other trans person) is able to have a reasonable chance of spotting someone trans. So that supports the idea that he probably is trans aware.

I personally don't put much stock in the fact that people don't approach me and don't stare as a sign of perfect passability of myself. Most people are polite enough to avoid such overtly. I assume I get regularly read and with all the efforts to create more awareness I assume getting read will become more commonplace as I seen it occurring already.

[Guest]

It's a bit early for me, Charlize.

Clarification needed.

Are you referring to a "Native" indian or a "South Asian"?

Huggs,

Joann

[JJ]

Perhaps he has a better eye if he is trans himself or perhaps knows someone who is. I think we have a much more developed sense of gender than the general population. I've come across a couple of people in the nearby city I know were trans and stealth -can't say exactly how but I am still sure-but no one else noticed at all. My daughter has actually picked it up too from my transition. She has realized a couple of times a guest at the resort where she works was trans that she had not even thought about in the past.

Hugs

Johnny

[Carolyn Marie]

Impossible to know what his intent was, or his interest. But he certainly didn't seem to have meant the question in any negative way. I feel as Drea does; while no one at the museum I work in, visitor or staff, has ever said anything to me or stared impolitely, I'm not naive enough to think that I haven't been clocked on a regular basis. For most of us older folks, it comes with the territory.

I'm sure you'll be smiling to yourself for a long time, Charlize, wondering where that conversation would have taken you. I probably would have reacted the same as you, given how unexpected it was. I think our natural reaction is a defensive one, just out of the fear of the unknown. In a different set of circumstances, you might have been more approachable.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest KimberlyF]

I personally don't put much stock in the fact that people don't approach me and don't stare as a sign of perfect passability of myself. Most people are polite enough to avoid such overtly. I assume I get regularly read and with all the efforts to create more awareness I assume getting read will become more commonplace as I seen it occurring already.

I think this is also the cause of gender typical women being accused of being trans on a more regular basis. The more this gets discussed in the mainstream, the more some will be looking to be offended or show how supportive they can be.

The reason so many were able to transition on the job and cut their hair a certain way and lose a bunch of weight, then have so many say they had no idea is because transition was on nobody's radar.

[Charlize]

First let me say what a cute picture. I also love he fact that some part of me was hanging out. That would have been a perfect response.

The thought that the more people hear about us the more we'll be read is very interesting. I'm sure being stealth in San Francisco is much harder than in Iowa. The repercussions are different as well.

The young man was an Asian Indian to answer that question. I kinda hope he'll be there when i go shopping again. So many questions.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest]

Thank you for the clarification, Charlize.

I would consider the question(s) a complement.

We are often considered extremely "desirable"(not in a sexual way) in various cultures.

I am thinking Hijra.

I would want to spend some time with this individual and perhaps educate the person about us.

Just my 2-bits worth, both here and in education value.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Gregg Jameson]

Hi Charlize,

Quite interesting, to say the least!

I am sorry I had missed this discussion while away.

If you project the same type of energy IRL as you project here in the forums, I am not at all surprised he has approached you. You project very warm, welcoming, kind, understanding, even nurturing aspects. This is very warm, comforting and clearly gives the impression you are approachable (in a very respectable way). You do, in my opinion, also command respect, in a gentle though firm fashion. Just guessing from what I have witnessed of you here at LP, I tend to agree with Joann; I feel he was approaching with interest, in a very respectful manner. I cannot know his intentions for sure, of course.

It might be very interesting should you encounter this young man again.

Since you are better prepared now, you might be able to ask more about his interest/intentions.

I hope you get the chance to freely ask him questions in the future, only IF you would like to do so.

Thanks so much for sharing so openly about your experiences.

Warmly,

Brad