I Need Some Help

[Guest Rucker]

Hello all I hope everyone is doing just great. Spring is trying to push its way up here in New England, and if feels great.

So I need some help with coming out to my best friend from high school. We have gone through a lot together and we are very close. She calls me the "sister" she never really had. All because I'm the only one who has always been there for her. So in high school I went through the whole "lesbian" thing. She is totaly cool with me being a lesbian, and she loves my girlfriend. Last year she asked me to be the god mother of her son, and I said yes, at that time the gender issue was put aside. But now everything in my life feels right to start my transition for real this time.

So I need some help on what I could possibly say, we have always been so open, but for some reason I cant just blurt it out to her. We have never held anything back from one and other.

If you know of any other good resources, other than this site that would be awesome.

Thanks in advance for any help.

Rucker

[Sally]

Have you read, "She's Not There" by Jennifer Lynn Boyland?

She has a copy of the letter she sent out and encourages you to use any parts of it that you like - don't send a letter to a special friend unless they live a long way away.

Just use it as a guide for how to tell people.

I didn't and things did not go so well, but that was mostly do to the people that I told!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest mia 1]

Oh and one more thing...just be yourself, relax and really I'm sure she'll be so Happy for you, after all you are the GODPARENT of her son a truly great honor I'm sure her love is unconditional. So enjoy the moment and look forward to "your time' it should be a wonderful moment...

Please let us know what happens......BOL Mia.

[Guest Jackson]

This reminds me of the time I had to break the news to one of my best friends. We'd gone to high school together. She was my matron of honor. We've known each other longer...oh probably for twenty-some years. Years before I'd told her that I liked girls. I don't think it phased her. But because we lived a few hours away from each other, I had to tell her on the phone. She seems fine with the news. We've gotten together once since then and our relationship seems the same; however, it was also early in the hormone therapy. So we are going to get together (supposed to today and tomorrow) but she's been sick. So we'll have to see. This will be the first time with any real changes.

But, I felt like I really wanted to tell her by voice, not by letter. But that's just me. I like the letter idea, but I just would rather talk to the person instead. I don't know if it's the instant feedback from him/her, if it's just him/her hearing hearing my voice when I tell him/her, or something else. I just felt that I had to say the words, not just put them down on paper and wait for a reaction. But that's just me.

[Guest michelle.butterfly]

Hi Rucker,

Sometimes the magic words for me have been "I really need to talk to you about something."

Then I have usually followed up with "I'm a girl." Okay you couldn't use my exact words. And then it all seems to flow from there. I think the most common response has been: "uh... what?"

Just my experience. Good luck!

Michelle

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear Rucker,

There is no pat answer nor formula for when to "come out". I can only share with you my own experience. First of all, feel your way slowly and carefully. I am sure your friend already has detected your masculine tendencies and she is still your friend! Your friend, I am sure, knows you better than you realize. Don't force the issue. Simply let flow. You will know when it is time.

love

bernie

[Guest Rucker]

Thanks everyone, its all so helpfull. I'm deff not rushing anything, but I do feel that she is sencing something is up and is inquiring what it is. But doesnt know how to ask. Its funny she accually showed up today to hang out, and she gave me a look that said, I know its ok, I still and always will love you. But nothing was said. I still feel we need to talk, and it will come in time.

[Guest leo]

when i told my best friend

her reaction was

"i already knew about time you came to terms with it!"

[Guest Evan_J]

We have never held anything back from one and other.

So then don't hold anything back. Take it back (in conversation) to all the thoughts, feelings, and times this came up before, what you thought about it then, and why you didn't do it then and then tell her you've decided to do it now. Tell you you worry how she'll feel. Tell her you worry if she'll regret asking you to godparent her son (I'm guessing thats in there or you wouldn't have mentioned it) And let her know that no matter what you are still "you" and the person who she "knew" would take care of him if that ever should become necessary. Ask her her views. And let her tell you, should she decide she still wants you to be his godparent, what she would or would not like done/ him told in relationship to this both "now" and "in the event of".

[Guest Evan_J]

when i told my best friend

her reaction was

"i already knew about time you came to terms with it!"

Now that's the friend everybody wishes they had