Op-Ed: This T-Word Fight Is About Respect

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Op-Ed: This T-Word Fight Is About Respect

http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2014/05/28/op-ed-t-word-fight-about-respect

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest Jennifer T]

So, what is the 'fight'?

[Guest princessofdarkness]

RuPaul has come out as a bully with this whole situation.

Even if there are those in the trans community who want to reclaim the word 'tr**ny' (I am not one of them), like MMA fighter Fallon Fox suggesting she's not against reclaiming it, those who advocate that position have still made it clear that it's up for them to decide, not those who continue to use the word to offend. You know, like RuPaul.

I've known so many white guys that would openly say "Why can't I use the n-word?". It's the same thing with cisgendered people and the t-word. Here's your answer if you're reading (which they probably are not). Because it's a dehumanizing word. It makes you feel less like a human being to hear it directed at you, and it's often used to separate us from those who are 'normal'. It hurts. Is that a good enough reason? Are you worried about your "right" to offend?

Guess what, you can use those words. Yes, your freedom of speech says you can. And guess what, by using those words, you'll be exposed as a racist, or a homophobe, or in this case, a transphobic bigot. After that, get prepared to lose friends and get criticized. You don't have the right to be loved for hurting others.

I worry if the LGB community really wants the letter T, and the comments on the article are about 50/50, so I guess that answers my question. Some do. A lot don't. And I'm not saying RuPaul hates transgendered people like TERF's or the religious right. But he does disregard our feelings, so he's no ally.

Thanks for sharing the article Carla. *hugs*

Princess

[Guest KimberlyF]

There is very little respect on either side of the issue from reading any of the comments sections in any of the dozen or so topics on the net.

And according to GLAAD's definition of the umbrella, RuPaul is transgender and not gender typical.

[Guest Jennifer T]

Personally, with my very admittedly limited knowledge of this, I agree with Kim - very little respect anywhere...

[KathrynJulia]

God how I detest the term Transgender. To me, it's synonymous with the N word and are derogatory put downs. Just my opinion, just don't use that term around me. Kathy

[Guest Jennifer T]

Could call me a whole host of things. As long as they're true things I don't care.

[Bulldog1948]

God how I detest the term Transgender. To me, it's synonymous with the N word and are derogatory put downs. Just my opinion, just don't use that term around me. Kathy

So, and since you hate the word transgender, what word would you prefer.

I've heard some folks hate transsexual.

[KathrynJulia]

The word is yuk Tra....nny. I can't stand that term. I'm transgender or transsexual. I am not a Tran....ny despite Rue Paul liking that term. Word filter got me again. I just went back and read my post and it changed what I wrote from Tr.......anny to transgender. Kathy

[Guest Jennifer T]

The word is yuk Tra....nny. I can't stand that term. I'm transgender or transsexual. I am not a Tran....ny despite Rue Paul liking that term. Word filter got me again. I just went back and read my post and it changed what I wrote from Tr.......anny to transgender. Kathy

Thanks for that clarification. I admit, I was wondering why 'transgender' was so offensive to you ... Personally the Tr---y word doesn't bother me. But then I am never called either. And I can understand why it bothers others.

[VickySGV]

I can roll with it as long as the word does not have modifiers in front of it or it is used to modify other nouns for waste products. I just consider the source and how much of my nice fingernails I need to risk unnecessarily. Hearing aids can be turned off.

[Guest LizMarie]

Really? We're just going to dismiss words in this thread while trying to tend to children and adults who are hurting so badly that they sometimes consider ending their lives, because of words? Words matter. We can say they shouldn't. We can say people should have thicker skins. We can say a heck of a lot of things but words matter. In fact, LP is known for taking extreme care in trying to ensure that words don't hurt someone unnecessarily here on this site.

And yet I see people here dismissing a word as no big deal? There's a cognitive dissonance in this thread that I surely didn't expect to see here.

Anyone who says words don't matter needs to explain the 41% attempted suicide rate in the trans population because what drives many to that point are often words.

Words do matter. I don't care what someone thinks other people should do. The reality is that words matter and that words can kill. Surely we all have at least enough empathy for the pain of others to agree on that? Laura herself doesn't allow the T-word here, precisely because it is so often used in a hurtful manner.

P.S. Do you want to see sheer ugly brutal mean cruel transphobia? Go look at the gay males tearing into Carmen Carrera for daring to stand up against the T-word. I don't mind them disagreeing with her but that's not what hundreds of them have done. Instead they call her every slur they can think of, including the T-word. The transphobia inside the gay male community is stunning to behold and worse than much of what I've seen elsewhere, and I've seen some pretty ugly stuff from people in the last few years. But the gay male community reaches a new low in their transphobic hatred of a transwoman who dared voice an opinion that went against their patron saint, RuPaul.

[Guest KimberlyF]

The name calling has gone both directions. Google "cristan williams may 23rd rupaul". Tonight I was just watching an episode of Louis CK, and they had a history of where the 'f' for gay slur used in the title of that piece came from. This word is on Transadvocate in big bold letters in the title. Do gay youths not get triggered?

I have seen gay men being told to swallow bleach or drive off a bridge or slit their wrists in comments or tweets.

People are talking past each other and nobody is listening. The internet allows people to be vicious to others as if there isn't another real person on the other computer.

I have seen every group slurred in the comments and rules expected of other groups that they don't expect of their group. In other words, same old, same old.

[Guest LizMarie]

I suggest you read Cristan's editorial.She was making a point. When others called RuPaul the F-word, he got very upset and said things about that person. But when he uses the T-word against trans folks, he expects us to grow thicker skins?

The point of Cristan's article is that RuPaul is a flaming hypocrite.

[Guest KimberlyF]

The point of Cristan's article is that RuPaul is a flaming hypocrite.

And so is Cristan. If words themselves are harmful, using what many call a trigger word on purpose in a headline to prove a point is OK? Because why exactly? Because it's someone on Team Trans?

Cristan can not control how RuPaul acts. Cristan can control how Cristan acts.

Who is responsible for the slur in the headline, regardless of intent?

What if someone called RuPaul a name first? Would RuPaul then not be responsible for using a slur if RuPaul found it proved a point?

[Charlize]

You can call me anything just not late to dinner. I would simply ask that whatever you chose to call me is done more with love than hate. It is the connotations in these words that bother us. That is valid and often words ate aimed as a way to hurt. I prefer to duck and hope that being and example of a Transgender in my community will better help acceptance.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Jennifer T]

Really? We're just going to dismiss words in this thread while trying to tend to children and adults who are hurting so badly that they sometimes consider ending their lives, because of words? Words matter. We can say they shouldn't. We can say people should have thicker skins. We can say a heck of a lot of things but words matter. In fact, LP is known for taking extreme care in trying to ensure that words don't hurt someone unnecessarily here on this site.

And yet I see people here dismissing a word as no big deal? There's a cognitive dissonance in this thread that I surely didn't expect to see here.

Anyone who says words don't matter needs to explain the 41% attempted suicide rate in the trans population because what drives many to that point are often words.

Words do matter. I don't care what someone thinks other people should do. The reality is that words matter and that words can kill. Surely we all have at least enough empathy for the pain of others to agree on that? Laura herself doesn't allow the T-word here, precisely because it is so often used in a hurtful manner.

.

Ok, since I may be one if the persons you've directed this question to, I'll respond.

A resounding YES. Words do indeed matter. I've said most of my life that words have the power of life and death. And I believe that. I also believe in context and intent. And I try to decipher those things as best I can.

You ask the question, "Are we...?" Who are you referring to? I saw no mention of anything contrary to what you've stated here? For me, and can only speak for me, I stated that this particular word doesn't bother me? I didn't say I use it. I also said that I can see why it bothers others. But if someone called me that, I'd not be terribly concerned. If their intent is to hurt me, they can do that calling me a man or a host of other things that have typically innocuous meanings yet are eroded at me because they ''know' my heart. But that doesn't make those words offensive in and of themselves.

Let me offer an illustration. I read this week about a compliment that was paid to someone. On the surface the words used on that compliment are completely innocuous and I believe the person who spoke them most probably meant them truly as a compliment. However if they were spoken to me as they written in the telling, i'd have been hurt and probably would have queried the person offering them as to their meaning. Because much of what was said (again, if spoken as relayed) offer some hurtful inferences (for me).

But the person receiving the words did not see them that way. And the compliment was lauded by many.

So, should the person have not offered the compliment? No. I believe the person truly meant no ill intent.

If someone I know who knows me and has a relationship with me calls me the T word, I'd not be offended. Nor would I be offended by someone who spoke thusly out of ignorance. And all those who use the word to be hateful, well whether they use that word or not, the hate is in their heart and that is their issue. They can use any word to attempt to slur me.

Words have the power of life and death, by intent.

Peace.

[Guest KimberlyF]

They can use any word to attempt to slur me.

Words have the power of life and death, by intent.

Peace.

There is so much truth here. I can see 'woman' being used to hurt based on inflection way more than many other slurs.