Finding my first therapist, advice is sought!

[Guest Jamie61]

Hi! Today I contacted my employers program to assist its employees. I ID myself as needing some counseling. I didn't tell the operator the exact nature, but I was referred to a counseling firm. So... tomorrow, I am to call the firm and setup an appointment. Does anyone have advice on how to ask for a therapist experienced with Gender? Is there a better way to say what I am looking for? What happens at these initial session? I am planning to just lay it out there, who I am. Does that sound right?

Thanks!

Jamie

[Guest Squallsong]

I would think you've got the right idea...put it out there! Therapy isn't cheap, and if your therapist has to refer you to a specialist, you are wasting your money and both of your time by putting it off.

I'd recommend putting together a list of specific points, so you'll have it in hand when you first meet with the thereapist. That way they can decide if they're qualified to help with any of it, and get you pointed in the right direction.

Take care and be well!

[Guest]

I would ask the person scheduling your appointment, to see someone who can deal with Gender issues, Jamie.

As my friend Squallsong has suggested.

Make a list of things. I usually have 7 documents for perusal at my initial consult.

Get to the point in the first consult. Yes, it may be hard. This way you will not be wasting any ones time, including your own.

Best of luck on your initial consult.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Jamie61]

Thank you Ladies! That's a great idea as I have been think about everything, it's really a flood gate about to open and I need to have a semblance of order without losing my message. I can't tell you how excited I am to make this call and request " gender therapy"! Decades in the making...

Jamie

[Guest Jamie61]

Dear friends,

Today I identified myself as transgendered. I actually talked to 3 different people, telling a little bit about me and ended up meeting with a therapist this afternoon. While she wasn't as experienced as I had hoped, her heart was in the right place and she made me feel safe. I spend an hour and a half, using my notes ( thank you!!) and presented my story. I had a rough start and got a little tearful, but hey, it's a girls right to cry sometimes. I told her everything, good and bad. She seem to think I would want to talk to someone experience in TG. She seem to encourage me to find out about what my transition options would be! I know it's a small step, but it's nice to say talk to someone about it.

Love,

Jamie

[Guest]

Congratulations on your initial consult, Jamie.

Undoubtedly our initial consult is usually emotional.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Jamie61]

Dear Friends!

As I reflect and prepare for therapy, I am so grateful for your support and advice. I have such a rush of memories now of early teens and how I tried to present myself as female. I remember now the details of why I stopped. Let's just say the clothing and hair were one thing, but makeup seem to take everyone over the edge : ) I think it was a mini intervention by today's standards... to bad professional counseling couldn't have been a part of it. Better late then never.

Hugs!

Jamie

[Guest Jamie61]

My second visit today. It was difficult at first. She was caring person and she had some experience working in schools to help counsel young LGBT people. Through those connection she is seeking to locate a place for me to seek further counseling specializing in gender. She was discussing TG clinic practices that would be able to handle many aspects, including medical. Does that sound right? Or should a simply seek out a Therapist or Psychologist with this experience. I basically told her that today, the scale that currently rest on male would easily tip female as long as I had the support of a few key family members. Is that wrong to base this upon the acceptance of others? Not sure what I could do without my kids in my life at some point! This thing inside me burns 24/7 right....

Jamie

[VickySGV]

Having a complete clinic available does not mean that you MUST use the whole thing all at once. If your therapist can find such a place though, I would point toward that, even though my HMO provided my counseling, hormones, and post op follow-up, it was spread over the entire Los Angeles basin. One stop would have been nice. Your idea of having only the counseling at this time though is also viable and most likely appropriate. I do not have the foggiest idea about Illinois law in regard to child custody and visitation is like, but you may want to contact an attorney with experience in those areas. Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund (www.transgenderlegal.org) is a group in the eastern U.S. who can get you some free advice on that issue, which can figure into your other counseling goals. I know I am not much help here, but it is much to much a personal thing for me to say do it my way!!

[Guest Squallsong]

This TG clinic sounds like it could be good, and I'd think it's worth investigating. If you can have all your professionals in one place, consulting and coordinating with each other to get the job done efficiently, that will make everything go smoother for you. As long as you are comfortable with the people, and the setting, and you have the bill(s) covered, it may make things go faster, and without undue stress or problems.

As far as "basing this on acceptance of others", I don't view this as wrong. Like all of us, there are things you must sacrifice, and things that you cannot. If you cannot sacrifice those key people, and they will not accept or support you, then the cost is too great for you. If they do support you, then they are not THE reason, they are simply a major factor. You are merely being honest and reasonable, and you will face many decisions like this. Also, just because someone doesn't support you now, doesn't mean that they will not in the near future...perhaps they just need time to understand and accept the idea. At this point, you haven't really explored all the options, nor weighed all the factors. That is why we have gender counselors, and RLT requirements. Just take things one careful step at a time. Only you can make the big choices, so make them good ones!

Regarding your children, if there's a custody or support matter, get a lawyer! Judges are not always understanding, and you could end up being railroaded. Make sure your lawyer is privy to your situation, and try to work out an acceptable deal with your ex, without a court appearance.

Take care and be well!

[Guest Jamie61]

Thanks! I should say my children are over 18 so it's really matter of them accepting me on some level. If they chose to not see me that would be very difficult. I appreciate your responses and I see what you mean about a "clinic" not necessarily being in a single place. I fully agree the next step is GT and I would hope that at some point that includes how to, when to involve my kids. I will take every step in some kinda order ( not sure what that is yet! ) but I know me and I know I need to take some kind of action or I'll have regret in that way.

Your interest and experience means a lot to me!

Jamie

[VickySGV]

Jamie -- my three children range from 34 to 41 and while my eldest had some trouble with my killing of "her daddy" for a while she had found that she has someone who does listen to her, and treats her like an adult instead of a "kiddy". My younger two had their moments of consternation and confusion at very first, but had little trouble accepting me. It may be rocky for a bit, but as my dad always said, "Money isn't everything, but it keeps the kids in touch!!"

[Guest Jamie61]

Tomorrow is my first appointment with a Gender Therapist. I must admit I am feeling a little nervous. She has the resources and experience, from what I can tell, to make things happen for me regarding a transition. I know I'm a long way off but it is a milestone to meet with someone who has helped others. I will be completely honest and see what happens. I am worried about telling her, the GT, the complete story of why I stopped pursuing being female when I was young. It was traumatic and I know some of my siblings are still affected. I haven't really experience normal emotions since, (I've not cried much in the last 40 years) I'm looking to change that. Thanks everyone for your support. I think tomorrow will be a big day for me.

Love,

Jamie

[Guest Jamie61]

Wow today was a big day. Feeling it's ok to like myself after my first gender therapy session. I could gush and tell you all about it but not sure if anyone wants to hear it. I do feel that I'm on my way.

Thanks everyone for your care and support!

Love,

Jamie

[Guest Jamie61]

I am very happy to have had another very good session with my Gender Therapist today! She asked my about a few things we discussed last week and then she ask me if I had take any steps, which I had. Then she asked me to outline my plan to transition, which was such a great exercise. We talked it through. She is suggesting that I come out to the easiest person to come out to. That was an easy choice, so I called him today and left a message. He was unfortunately out of town but very interested in talking. I just have to do this in person. I'm sure that will happen by the weekend.... I hope it goes well ( keep your fingers crossed)!

Jamie

[Saga]

Good luck on the call Jamie! I enjoyed reading your experience with your counselor since I am just starting on the journey myself. Seeing other's positive experience with therapy makes me more confident going in next week.