Crossdressing When You're Transgender

[Guest SimplyAlive]

Crossdressing is something I've been very hesitant about since coming out as transgender.

I'm FTM, and although I identify as male, I still have an occasional love for dresses and skirts.

It's brought up a lot of questions and fear when it comes to dressing up.

I worry about not being taken seriously or accepted as man, especially as a transman. I'm afraid of facing violence if I'm outed as trans, as I've been on testosterone for almost half a year and my voice has dropped. I wonder if I should pretend to be female when dressed up, and fake a more feminine voice. I also wonder if I'll be seen as offensive in the transgender community for 'appearing' female even though I don't identify as such.

I know that clothes, makeup, hairstyles, and the like don't belong to any gender, but I can't help but feel very hesitant and anxious about dressing up.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, thanks in advance.

[Guest]

As I was told when I asked a similar question a long time ago.

Wear what your comfortable wearing.

I know. Doesn't help much.

Huggs,

Joann

[Charlize]

There may be some in the trans community who would fault you but i hope they are few and far between. I think you should do whatever is comfortable for you. Unfortunately a woman is allowed to dress as a man in our society but fashion doesn't approve of the other direction. You may run into the difficulty of passing but if that doesn't bother you enjoy. I often find i don't pass either but just keep living as myself. Awkward but it's my life to live as myself.

Hugs,

Charlize

[VickySGV]

I admit I identified as a MtF CD for many years and in my case then it was "actual time enfemme" that counted a Cross Dressed and mixed up personal ID, I sorta felt female, but primarily I felt Cross Dressed. During daily work or other family and social time, I was just male. The joke was on me, and I was going to end up Transitioned and full time female.

You seem to fit Gender Fluid a bit more than I ever did in the old days, and for you, what constitutes clothing to suit <no pun intended> your inner needs for a presentation is not really Cross Dressing, but is rather personality presentation of the moment. I agree that you have to be careful and choose your presentation carefully until you can safely go where you need to go. The best place to be is with a circle of friends who can accept you as you need to be at any time.

As it is, I wear T-shirts and jeans or at the minute hiking shorts that are not frilly an girly girly, but I have the cute stuff around. There are no rules you MUST live by. Especially here in the Playground.

[Guest Eva Marie]

My self I don't see a problem because isn't there MTF who sometimes like to wear nice male clothes. Nice clothes just make ya feel great. Look good feel good

[Guest Faith gibson]

SimplyAlive

I also think you should wear the things that make you feel good. I don't like wearing male clothes very often, but there are times when it's kind of fun. I like wearing male clothes when I ride my motorcycle and sometimes when I'm playing my guitar. Not long ago ( though maybe still ) I felt weird about that. I have to wear male clothes at times ( more than I like to )and just hate it, so I feel quilty when I actually enjoy it. Everyone is in a different place really. You can't really spend lots of time worrying about what others think. Easier said than done I know but probably true. Be safe. Be happy.

Faith

[Guest Kayla Grace]

Hi SimplyAlive,

Crossing is something I've seriously considered as well ... i'll spare you the details, but I can't say my answer differs from everyone elses. You have to do what's best for YOU. The only one that knows you're crossed as a male, or dressed as a female, is you. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that nobody watches and picks the odd ones out as much as you might think. Just be sutle, and be yourself, the one you were born to be.

I suggest just take a walk, just up and down the street, crossed. Surely you're safe on your own street. Truthfully, you're less likely to be attacked as a male.

When you're comfortable with crossing up and down the street, buy something from a store closeby as a female, like a convenient store. Come home and cross, and go back to that place. Buy something else from the same person as a male, and see what happens. You'll be able to see the difference, if any. You might be treated differently as a male such as words, but that's being sexist for you ...

Like Vicky said, be safe about it. I'd suggest having a friend closeby the first time or two, just in case. If it will make you more confident and safe.

Be safe and be happy,

Natalya <3

[Guest Clair Dufour]

A lot of women who work construction dress and act like men to fit in at work. Some even pass or play the lesbian card to keep the guys off their back. Most still have their girl clothes, wigs and makeup for party times. Back in the 70's, I was in a country bar in Casper WY and a woman dressed to the nines came up and started talking to me. She knew my name! Come to find out that she worked in the truck garage at a coal mine that I often went to to fix their two-way radios. I never would have guessed they were the same person. Second example: If you go into a gay bar at happy hour during the week, you will see people dressed for work. Be that suits, fashion or work clothes. If you go on the weekend, you will see the same people dressed (and acting) often the very opposite of what they wear to work during the week. In places that cater to the TG, drag and the CD community it is often even a more dramatic change!

[tracy_j]

My experiences show me that when I am relaxed I can wear most things as long as they are not too extreme with little issue. This comes with experience. What to wear when. Whether as male or female or as I generally like to be - somewhere in the middle.

My thoughts are to get a feel of the local wear where you are going and blend in (obviously in something you like). Very few people will notice and even those that do seldom feel offended. It is when people are shocked that they react. For instance in my feminine wear I feel more relaxed and seldom attract more than a glance when looking at dresses in a shop but get very strange looks when doing the same in shirt and tie even though in both cases I am obviously male.

Take care - be safe. I am not familiar with your area so I don't know of any dangers but a friend is a boost to confidence (or would be if I had one to shop with lol) and help in any situation.

Tracy x

[Guest]

Who doesn't love to play dress up? Who doesn't love fashion?? Wear what you feel like. More power to ya.

I'm a regular attendee at the Renaissance Festival and this year will be my first time there since really coming out. And guess what? Chicks just have way cooler renaissance attire. I'll be lacing up my corset and all that frilly gown jazz. Who cares? It's fun.

Gotta do you. ^^ Anyone who says something to offend your pride as man, fwip your chic skirt like royalty and walk away. You know who you are, you don't need them OR your clothes to validate you as a man.

[Guest Sandy74]

I am a transgender mtf and I have to wear my male clothes most of the time but I do wear a pair of panties under my male clothes daily because they are 2,000 times more comfortable than my boring male underwear. I am nowhere near the choice of surgery or hormones or anything like that but I do consider mysef to be transgender because I have been trapped in a mans body ever since I was 13 years old and its so much more than just dressing up for me. I am very masculine and I have dressed in female clothes a few times for halloween and have been told I am an ugly woman but I still dress in the privacy of my own home. Perhaps someday I will eventually dress in public and be confident about it but I am far from that right now.

I say dress in what you want to dress in and whocares what people think, whatever is comfortable for you. I hope someday I have the courage to dress in real life in public, baby steps.

[tracy_j]

Baby steps are good Sandy! I perhaps jump in from time to time but luckily all has gone well. Is it the second time you have mentioned Halloween? Its interesting you mention you are called an ugly woman - but you are called a woman? Look on the good side not the bad - be optomistic!

I try to wear things that fit - so thinner female panties under close fitting female clothing. Think of what women do and get the feel of things rather than slavishly following an idealised vision. I strive to wear things that go together to make me look good. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does not.

Whether I look like it or not when I feel female I am!

Tracy x

[Guest LizMarie]

You may be FTM but may also be genderqueer or gender fluid as its sometimes known. Your internal identity does not have to map explicitly to a binary external identity. Now, having said that, society should be more accepting about that than it is so you also have to be prepared to handle the negativity that can arise. It shouldn't happen, it's wrong, but it does happen. Good luck to you being you!

[Guest SimplyAlive]

Taking small steps and just doing what feels comfortable are great advice. It can be hard to work up courage, but it's definitely worth pursuing, I imagine..

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that nobody watches and picks the odd ones out as much as you might think."

This has been mentioned quite a bit by a local group as well. When we're self conscious, we may feel like everyone has their eyes on us, but as others have said, everyone in the world is thinking about their own issues and just focusing on getting through their day.

Many hugs and much gratitude for the wonderful advice! Be safe and be well!