Can I stop being transgender?

[Guest Ashlyn M]

I don't know why, but lately I've been feeling like it'd be a bad idea to transition. I want to, but yeah. Maybe it's because my dad doesn't want me to. He didn't say that but I know he doesn't because he won't let me take any meds. He said he'd think about me taking testosterone blockers.

Or maybe it's because I'm disgusting. I've got big feet, big hands, I hate my height, my voice is too deep, the list goes on and on.

I started thinking about it last week.

[Guest Ky_Ki]

Well you can try but as far as studies show and from personal experience I can attest that it generally doesn't go away and just gets worse as time goes on. Grim right? Sucks right? Not sure what to do about it right?

I sympathize with feeling disgusting as well-like even if you could transition it really would be worth it right? Unfortunately I don't have much encouragement on that front either. Although recently I did see an trans girl that looked a lot like me before she transitioned (and from your brief description I look a lot like you ) and she actually is very cute and 100% passable now - so maybe there is more hope on that front than it seems

[Guest Ashlyn M]

My friend told me to get a haircut and followed it by saying I look like a woman. That made me happy and until hearing that I was think about getting one. But I still don't know what to do. I don't want to keep changing in negative ways due to testosterone but I don't know if I should go through with the whole transitioning and stuff.

[Drea]

The general belief among professionals is that it won't go away and that the intensity will wax and wane over time.

In the community the assertion is that it only gets worse with time....but since that comes from people for whom it got worse and those who didn't aren't transitioning there may be a bit of a self section bias at work there.

Observationally, stress tends to cause the intensity increase.

I feel the important point is that being transgender does not necessarily equate with transition. In fact many don't. It is a bunch of nonsense that all transgender, all experiencing dysphoria must transition as much as it is nonsense that someone transgender can't be stable or happy. Those assertions that transition is needed, that it is only way for transgender to be happy is transition, does certainly apply to some transgender/transsexual... The intensity of feelings varies by the individual so each has a different need and for some transition may in fact bring with it more complications than it resolves...for others the complications are small compared to the benefits. Do what works for you, not what others think you need to do.

[Guest Ashlyn M]

Do you think it would help if I dressed kind of femininely while taking blockers or is that still considered transitioning sort of? If not would wearing a teenyish bit of makeup count?

[Guest Ky_Ki]

Transitioning is whatever you want it to be.

If those things make you feel better then for heavens sake do them! Don't bottle it up inside if you don't have to.

[Carolyn Marie]

Do you think it would help if I dressed kind of femininely while taking blockers or is that still considered transitioning sort of? If not would wearing a teenyish bit of makeup count?

Claire, transitioning is much more than any single activity associated with being female. It is the process, or act, of becoming the opposite from your birth gender, and all that entails. Cross dressers often wear one or more bits of female clothing, or jewelry, or makeup, and have no intention of transitioning. If doing so helps with your dysphoria feelings, than maybe that's all you need to be happy. If so, that's perfectly fine.

Taking blockers just to take blockers will do one thing, and one thing only; it will stop your body from progressing with puberty. That is intended to give you time to determine if you are transsexual and want/need to transition. It is not, in itself, part of the transition process. The benefit of blockers is that you can change your mind later, and your body will resume male puberty.

You really do need to talk to a gender therapist, preferably one with experience with teens. I hope your parents will allow that. I think it will help all of you, and of course, such a therapist is nearly mandatory to get blockers in the first place.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Ashlyn M]

I've talked to one before. I'm in between now. I'm waiting for my dad to get home from being out of town working to start seeing a new one.

[Guest LizMarie]

Taking blockers alone is a bad idea. You need to have a plan. Your body requires one of the sex hormones, testosterone or estrogen, for proper bone development and health. Blocking testosterone for a short period (a few months to a few years max) is ok but should be followed by the resumption of some sex hormone, either testosterone or estrogen.

So before you begin blockers, you should have a plan, worked out with a physician, and a tentative timetable. As part of that plan I'd recommend working with a therapist. Whether you transition or not is a complicated decision, and you should have the advice of a professional to guide you.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

This is not about long hair. pierced ears, nail polish, dresses and heels or even acting like a girl. That's crossdressing and while most of us do embrace the female principal we know all we can provide is the means and support to our partner and hope she will let us into this woman space. Being transgendered is another matter. Its not about body shape but, looking down and seeing the wrong body parts and becoming sick and despondent about it. Logicial thinking fails us and the best that medicine can offer is therapy, hormones and surgery. We are still many years away from 100% transistion. What it were? How would you feel if you knew a boy could make you pregnant?

[Guest Ashlyn M]

This is not about long hair. pierced ears, nail polish, dresses and heels or even acting like a girl. That's crossdressing and while most of us do embrace the female principal we know all we can provide is the means and support to our partner and hope she will let us into this woman space. Being transgendered is another matter. Its not about body shape but, looking down and seeing the wrong body parts and becoming sick and despondent about it. Logicial thinking fails us and the best that medicine can offer is therapy, hormones and surgery. We are still many years away from 100% transistion. What it were? How would you feel if you knew a boy could make you pregnant?

I'd feel happy, why?

[Guest aballofquestions]

How would you feel if you knew a boy could make you pregnant?

I'd feel happy, why?

That should probably say something to you.

But I have to concur and stress what others have said, a proper therapist is really really important at a time like this. I cant tell you exactly what you need, but I would think that your answer to that question should say that you at least need to address this in a serious way. That starts with a good therapist.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

I wanted to see where you were on the gender scale. This is not a DIY project and you need a therapist to help you work it out. If your parents can't or won't your going to have to find it on your own. Even in NC there are LGBT support groups that can help you find help to work this out.

[Guest Ashlyn M]

I wanted to see where you were on the gender scale. This is not a DIY project and you need a therapist to help you work it out. If your parents can't or won't your going to have to find it on your own. Even in NC there are LGBT support groups that can help you find help to work this out.

Where I am on the gender scale? What do you mean?

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Claire,

I would have answered that question the same as you did. I think that might also give you a clue as to where you are on the gender scale, I am transitioning. Definitely go back to seeing a GT though, they are the professionals.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest LizMarie]

To answer the original question - no, if you are trans you can't stop being trans. This has nothing whatsoever with whether you transition or not!!! Being trans is now understood as a medical condition manifesting in specific areas of the brain having structure that maps to the gender opposite of their assigned gender at birth (usually due to quick visual inspection of genitalia).

Not all trans people transition so get that out of your head. Being trans does not equate to transition.

But... if you suffer extreme dysphoria to the point where you are in need of medical and psychiatric supervision to prevent possible self-harm, then the one single recommended therapy is... transition.

So it all depends on how bad you are suffering from your condition.

Are you just going through life existing, not living? Are you contemplating self-harm in any manner (cutting, suicide, genital manipulation)? If you answer yes to either of those, you need to see a therapist, ASAP. Where things go from there depends entirely on your specific case. But for the stronger cases of gender identity dysphoria the recommended therapy is transition.

In the end you have to decide.

But let me make a recommendation. You think you have big feet. So did I but mine aren't that much bigger than the natal females I know who are my size or taller. I thought I had big hands... until three of those women put their hands up against mine and mine were the same size or smaller. Plus there are ways to dress and present yourself to minimize bad features and maximize good features.

No woman is the perfect Cosmopolitan air-brushed model. There are some here on this forum who are hung up on false images of perfection. Ignore that! Every woman alive has her flaws compared to the impossible standards erected by "beauty culture". Just be you, learn how to be you and be comfortable being you. If being you is being a guy, then do that. If being you is being a woman, then do that.

The goal of therapy should be to find a way to live at peace and happily with yourself. We can't control externalities but we can control ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world.

Your goal should never be transition. Your goal should be finding peace and happiness as you. If transition is how you achieve that, then transition but if you can do it another way, then do that instead. That's all that matters in the end, Claire. You. Transition is just a tool. It's a powerful tool, but in the end it's just a tool. Whether you personally need that tool, only you and your therapist can really decide.

Good luck!

[Guest Ashlyn M]

I don't want to be a boy But I have no one to talk to. I don't even have a therapist. And it's not easy finding a gender therapist in my area. It's even harder finding one that takes my dad's insurance.

[Guest JennaR]

I don't want to be a boy But I have no one to talk to. I don't even have a therapist. And it's not easy finding a gender therapist in my area. It's even harder finding one that takes my dad's insurance.

I have no idea what insurance you have, but I have Aetna. On their website they have a tool where you put in your specific plan, your location, and what type of medical provider or facility you need, and it will give you a list of doctors within a certain distance of you that are supposed to accept your insurance and your specific plan.

I would suggest checking your insurance's website and seeing if they have something like that (I also apologize if you have already done so and this advice is useless).

Jenna

[Guest Ashlyn M]

I don't want to be a boy But I have no one to talk to. I don't even have a therapist. And it's not easy finding a gender therapist in my area. It's even harder finding one that takes my dad's insurance.

I have no idea what insurance you have, but I have Aetna. On their website they have a tool where you put in your specific plan, your location, and what type of medical provider or facility you need, and it will give you a list of doctors within a certain distance of you that are supposed to accept your insurance and your specific plan.

I would suggest checking your insurance's website and seeing if they have something like that (I also apologize if you have already done so and this advice is useless).

Jenna

It didn't work...

[Guest LizMarie]

Clair, if you need to transition, it's never "too late". While all of us would have loved to have transitioned at as early an age as possible, that doesn't always work out. You are young and if I were you, I'd focus on getting through school, getting a good job, then to be self-supporting to where you don't need to depend on your father or his approval for your decisions about your life.

You might research local LGBT groups and see if there is a trans support group nearby that you could attend to meet others. Also, these groups can often refer you to therapists who can work out arrangements for you if you are in financial straits yet need help.

Don't give up. The path you want may not be straight or even clear, but with patience you can traverse that path and find yourself, whoever that truly is.

[Guest JennaR]

If you have access to the insurance card, you could try calling the 800 number on the back and actually speaking to a customer service person. You don't have to give them any personal info, but they ought to be able to give you some providers in your area.

Jenna

[Guest Ashlyn M]

Clair, if you need to transition, it's never "too late". While all of us would have loved to have transitioned at as early an age as possible, that doesn't always work out. You are young and if I were you, I'd focus on getting through school, getting a good job, then to be self-supporting to where you don't need to depend on your father or his approval for your decisions about your life.

You might research local LGBT groups and see if there is a trans support group nearby that you could attend to meet others. Also, these groups can often refer you to therapists who can work out arrangements for you if you are in financial straits yet need help.

Don't give up. The path you want may not be straight or even clear, but with patience you can traverse that path and find yourself, whoever that truly is.

But if I wait more stuff will change.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Claire,

I completely understand the impatience, and desire to start before more unwanted changes occur. I endured male dress codes, and mandatory short haircuts for long periods of my life. It practically drove me nuts. On top of that, as I aged my beautiful hair started showing male pattern baldness. That eventually led me to attempt suicide. Shortly after that incident, I came out to all my friends, and started to transition. Apparently I caught it in time, and my hair is filling in nicely under HRT. I know it bothers you that unwanted changes are occurring, but many of those changes are many years in your future. I started transitioning four months ago at the youthful age of 55! Take a breath, relax. You are among friends, and many are here that can give you advice. All my best wishes to you girlfriend.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest Ashlyn M]

I don't think they're many years in my future because I started pretty early for my age. Everything is starting to peak now. My facial hair is becoming more beardy. And lots of other things.

[janetcgtv]

It will probably go away when the sun rises in the West and sets in the East

Purge and an hour later you will regret it and you just went on a spending spree and replaced your stuff with makeup and clothes.

Have a lovely day.