Is This What I Am?

[Guest Zeddie]

Hi there

All my life I have never felt right like I don't belong in this world, and gender has had a lot to do with this feeling. I have spent most of my life feeling very ashamed about this not being able to put my finger on what I really felt like inside. Am I male or female. Ashamed because I can't help but feel that surely its the most basic thing in life to get right and yet I can't. A few months ago, I discussed this with my therapist, I dont find it easy to discuss it makes me cringe, I found myself saying that I wish there wasn't such a thing as gender, I wish I could be just left alone to be what I want to be without gender getting in the way. I only really feel at peace when I'm on my own because this way I don't feel under scrutany or strain. After saying this things started to slip into place. Does this make me an Androgyne, looking at your website I realise there may be people who feel a bit the same as me? but what is the difference between and Androgyne and Neutrois? There is a feeling of relief that there are others feeling the same way.

Can anyone help?

many thanks

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Hi there

All my life I have never felt right like I don't belong in this world, and gender has had a lot to do with this feeling. I have spent most of my life feeling very ashamed about this not being able to put my finger on what I really felt like inside. Am I male or female. Ashamed because I can't help but feel that surely its the most basic thing in life to get right and yet I can't. A few months ago, I discussed this with my therapist, I dont find it easy to discuss it makes me cringe, I found myself saying that I wish there wasn't such a thing as gender, I wish I could be just left alone to be what I want to be without gender getting in the way. I only really feel at peace when I'm on my own because this way I don't feel under scrutany or strain. After saying this things started to slip into place. Does this make me an Androgyne, looking at your website I realise there may be people who feel a bit the same as me? but what is the difference between and Androgyne and Neutrois? There is a feeling of relief that there are others feeling the same way.

Can anyone help?

many thanks

Hey there. I know how that feels. When I look deep inside myself, and try and work out my identity, I don't see any gender. I feel like my soul is some sort of genderless spirit with mor eimportant things to worry about. I like being alone too, but for the opposite reason. I tend to look down on people and see all their faults, which can get really stressful.

I'm not uncomfortable with my male body so much, however, something else gives me an intense desire to have a female body. But I'm not like most transsexuals you read about. I don't feel like I should be a girl, or that I am one on the inside; something just makes me want to look and feel like one.

Who knows what that makes me. Whatever I am, I'm still ME and that's the most important thing. I'm sure someone who actually identifies as androgynous on these boards will be able to help you more. But so far, it sounds like you'd be happier in life walking the line.

[Sally]

Welcome to the forums, I am a transsexual MTF who denied her trueself for way too long.

I'm glad that you have found your way here, so come on in sit doawn by the fire and have some of our hot cocoa and cookies.

Others will be along soon to greet you, but feel free to wonder around the forums if anyone comes by while you are out they will leave a note.

You can take your cookies along, no one will mind.

The food and fire are virtual but the warmth is real.

Welcome to the family,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

I think you might find some answers here. We are a diverse group, yet everyone seems to have that basic question - 'what am I?'

I found out that I was MTF transsexual through my therapist. It took me 61 years for me to know to ask.

So there is time for you.

Look around and ask questions, we are not judgemental and this place is well monitored, so noone will abuse us here.

Glad to meet you - and no - you are not the only one in the world like we are.

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Zeddie!

Welcome to the Playground!

I am MTF and have become very happy with myself recently....I'm laying the groundwork for the rest of my life and I'm very excited over it.

We like to talk about a sliding scale of comfort levels in this whole process...what's right for one may not suit the needs of another! On a scale of 1-10...1 being male and 10 being female...you may be a 7 or 5 or where ever it makes you the most comfortable! You needn't conform to any "Norms" as that's what got all of us here in trouble in the first place! Go with your heart...there are no rules here!

It is so nice to have you here, Hon!

Donna Jean

[Guest Zeddie]

Thanks for your help. Its good to know there are people to talk too. Its a very confusing world!

[Guest unsureone]

Hi there

All my life I have never felt right like I don't belong in this world, and gender has had a lot to do with this feeling. I have spent most of my life feeling very ashamed about this not being able to put my finger on what I really felt like inside. Am I male or female. Ashamed because I can't help but feel that surely its the most basic thing in life to get right and yet I can't. A few months ago, I discussed this with my therapist, I dont find it easy to discuss it makes me cringe, I found myself saying that I wish there wasn't such a thing as gender, I wish I could be just left alone to be what I want to be without gender getting in the way. I only really feel at peace when I'm on my own because this way I don't feel under scrutany or strain. After saying this things started to slip into place. Does this make me an Androgyne, looking at your website I realise there may be people who feel a bit the same as me? but what is the difference between and Androgyne and Neutrois? There is a feeling of relief that there are others feeling the same way.

Can anyone help?

many thanks

OMG!

I have the same problem and feelings!

Im not sure what i am too: i dont mind being a boy, but i would love to be a girl considering all the things you can do as one.

I would love to share thoughts and ideas, I'm open for anything!

[Guest androgynous]

Hi Zeddie!

How you are doing fine.

Yeah, genders. tell me about it! They get assigned by people around you the moment you are born, and so your expected to play with little cars as a boy and with dolls if your a girl, to put it in general terms.

So it's obvious, that some of us will find out later that we aren't the gender we got assigned.

Now from that crossroad your new journey begins, and there are a lot of roads you can take, or even try. Trying out is always fun. Maybe you like to try to look like another gender, or maybe look like both, or neither? dress like the other gender. There are many roads you can take, but don't be affraid to turn around on the road that you pick, just head back to the crossroad and think it over again. maybe you instantly see which road suits you fine, everything is possible.

Just listen to your heart, or your intuition and follow your feelings, it will all be clear some day. Sure there can be obstacles on the new road, but remember that any road has obstacles, and usually the road with more obstacles becomes more rewarding in the end.

So you can never pick a bad road to walk, every road you pick has the "goodies" and the "baddies".

Goodluck in your journey, you are special.