Need Prayers

[Guest ashleynikole]

I can imagine that somewhere inside David was freaking out when he said he would go up against the giant. He knew what he knew about God and he didn't like anyone defaming the name of his God, but at the same time, surely his mind started screaming, "OMG!!! WHAT AM I DOING!?!?!?!?!"

I just received an email today from one of the head pastors at my church. He said it had been several months since we last met (it's been almost 10 months...find my posts from end of January to read how that turned out) and he wanted to catch up and was bringing another pastor along. The pastor he is bringing along is the campus pastor of the campus that I now attend (since I don't go to the main campus hardly anymore). I'm sure it is no coincidence that he emailed me today after I legally changed my name, changed it on Facebook, and showed up in girl mode at church today.

I don't have a good feeling about this (and I HATE confrontation of any kind). I'm requesting your prayers that God will speak through me and have said what needs to be said and that I will trust him. Last time I sat and listened to what they had to say, but this time I will not be so silent. I won't be rude, not at all, but I will not be silent if they start telling me that listening to my calling from God is wrong. I want to be bold in my love and peace and gentleness and kindness and self-control when I meet with them. I want to be used by God to change the face of the church for the better, to better love all God's children and to do it like Jesus would.

But most of all, I want God's will done with every breath of my life, no matter what that may be.

Thanks in advance for your prayers and I'll keep ya posted.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest Faith gibson]

Ashley, I don't pray but I will send you my best wishes. I believe you know what is right and will have the strength to defend your beliefs. These are undoubteedly good men. Maybe you will be surprised and if not, maybe you will be able to start them on their enlightenment.

All the best

Faith

[Charlize]

God bless you and give you strength.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest aballofquestions]

My father in law once said, "always remember that we put faith in God, not in men." You know whats right in your heart. And God will not give you the strength to confront any challenges you face, He has already given you that strength. You are stronger than you know. I pray only that you find that strength within you when you need it, if you need it.

Good luck, dont be shaken, and remember that men are imperfect and often fallible. And at times all we can do is pray for their enlightenment.

[VickySGV]

If you are willing to do it God's way, you have a good chance that it will be done. The problem will come if you try to do God's will your way, and I have seen that happen more often than I care to think about. (Duck, cover and hold!!) Your call may not be to stay where you are to do your final steps of transitioning, but be assured that there will be a place for you to finish becoming Ashley who is a Female in service to the greater Church, and not the congregation you are currently in. I can clearly see a pattern that began back as a young adult where I had prayed for guidance to service, and was given a vision of what my call would be, and in the vision, I realized it could not be fulfilled where I was. I made it to the right general Church, but still not to "the where" that it has become. I have now gone beyond just a single congregation to a regional and to a national organization within my church where I have friends at it's highest level. About the next thing I can do is actually seek Holy Orders, and I still do not see it as more than a direction, certainly I do not see once and for all what the final destination will be.

My prayers for you will principally be the Serenity Prayer, and I offer to you the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, to be made "a vessel of God's Peace" for your journey forward.

As Jesus told "The 70" who were sent out in Luke 10:10, "if they will not receive you leave and move on without regret".

[tracy_j]

I will pray in my way for things to go well Ashley

Go with open mind and peaceful heart

Tracy x

[Guest]

My thoughts are with you, Ashley.

Huggs,

Joann

[Cyndee]

Truth Ashley, that's what this world needs, more truth, not guilt trips.

Truth to live, truth to be righteous

Wishing you the best

Cyndi -

[Guest LizMarie]

I don't know what happened Ashley and was away all weekend and most of today so haven't been able to respond much here, but regardless of anything negative that may have been said to you, in your heart you know the truth.

God bless, Ashley, and I hope all turned out for the best.

[Guest]

I responded to the email giving him a couple of days and times I had available to meet and I made sure to mention that my name had legally changed and was Ashley now,

By golly if a response email didn't come back using my old name. Things are headed like I think they are, so I changed my email headers and signature when I replied back this time. I'm going forward to meet with them on Thurs @ 11am CST and I will respectfully request they call me by my new name if they must say my name.

I'm trying to pray and make sure the fruits of the Spirit are living in me during this. I really would like to be used by God to shape the direction of my church that I do love so much, but if they tell me to leave, then I will not fight them on it. I will simply shake the dust off my feet as I walk out the door.

Thanks for the prayers and please keep them coming.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest Shelly1]

I will be deep in prayer for you. If you'd like someone there with you, give me a call, I'll gladly be there if you wish.

[JJ]

My prayers are with you as well.

God doesn't always shield us because sometimes we need to grow or turn into a different path but God is always still there to hold us as you know.

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest LizMarie]

Sadly, I expect to hear about yet another church member turned out and rejected after years of being a faithful church member by clergy who wish to deny science in favor of ancient superstitions. It's not at all what I would wish upon anyone but it is all too commonly what exactly happens to someone as faithful as you, Ashley.

But whatever happens, use this to grow and become a stronger better woman.

[Guest Shelly1]

as the clock ticks near, praying for you...

[Guest]

I will post more on this topic later, as I'm really tired and I'm trying to catch up on 3 days of posts I haven't read yet...hehe.

Summary:

"We love you, and we want you to be a part of this church. We don't want you to leave, but you can't come to church dressed as a woman."

So my options are to leave or go back into the chains that held me for so long. Obviously I am not going back to the chains of Egypt. I'm sad they didn't have the decency to stick to their convictions and tell me to leave instead of lobbing the ball back in my court like a live grenade. I only wish I could have had a better ending. There are people at that church that are my friends and have supported me 100% along the way. I hate that I won't be able to worship with them on Sunday mornings but I'm almost positive that God is doing a good thing here and has something better for me.

Since TN is a one party consent state, and I gave permission to have my meeting recorded, I have the entire meeting in audio form, and I'm thinking of using it as reference to refer back to things they said when I write my "thanks but no thanks" letter and walk away.

Thanks for all your prayers. You people mean so much to me and I am proud to call you friends.

God bless

Ashley

[Guest ArianaD]

God Bless you Ashley.

[VickySGV]

I cannot for the life of me understand why you are going to write them a letter about your decision, but I admire your courage to so so. The way in which they acted was reprehensible and as false as it can be. They are bullying cowards who now think they can wash their hands and tell the congregation it was YOUR decision and not theirs. If you have some close supportive friends in the church, write the letter to them, but leave the clergy off your mailing list. Your officially unexplained absence will require them to take the blame.

May peace attend your footsteps and guide you on a wonderful pathway.

[Guest aballofquestions]

Im sorry Ashley...thats terrible but I do truly admire your strength.

I cant believe they reacted that way. The least they could do is have the courage to just say you couldnt come back but as you said, to toss it back to you like that is...frankly despicable in my opinion.

Humans are weak and they are fallible and know that you exhibit far more of the qualities the bible should instill in all of us than those who lead this church. Im very sorry Ashley, but it is clear to me you are strong enough to walk through far worse and only come out stronger and better for it.

Love

-Alexis

[Guest Shelly1]

Ashley,

I’m amazed at how we can be women just don’t look like one. HUH?

So...

One can attend church being a gay or lesbian, but not look like one.

One can attend church being a sinner, just don’t look like one.

One can attend church being a hurting soul, just don’t look like one.

Where church = “our club".

Moreover, I doubt this church treats divorce as harshly as it treats transgendered people. After all, Jesus directly talked about how bad divorce is, yet, these church clubs just leave that out.

SMH.

Love ya girl, hang in there!

[JJ]

Hugs to you Ashley. I am sorry it turned out as it did but by attending that church now you would only re-enforce their hypocrisy. And the churches wonder why attendance has been plummeting. When a kid at school brought up something about gays and excluding them my granddaughter pointed out that LGBT people were common in Jesus time but he never attacked them. In fact reserved his anger and condemnation for the hypocrites and money changers more than almost anything else. Yet the shady banker or the person who clearly is a Sunday only Christian is never asked not to attend or even directly approached.

Well almost never. A couple of years ago I heard a sermon preached against just those things and clearly aimed at an individual. The rest of the congregation seemed to know exactly who it was but I didn't till later. (It was well deserved but a very brave thing for a minister to do because the person was wealthy and powerful ). This is the same church that has so embraced me and believes in living their religion rather than using it to condemn and control others. So there are churches out there that do embrace us and the principles Christ taught rather than the cant people have made of it for their own ends.

I know you will find a new church home where you will be embraced for the good woman you are

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest LizMarie]

I hate to say that I was right yet again. I wish that didn't happen but it does, over and over and over again.

If I could give you a hug right now, Ashley, I would.

[gennee]

Ashley, I'm sorry that this happened to you. Wanting to be authentic sometimes costs us something. I'm sure God has something in mind for you. I have a saying 'Go where the Lord leads you'. I'm sure that he has some really wonderful things in store for you.

[gennee]

Hi Ashley. I just thought about you and wondered how you are doing? Have you found a place of worship?

[Guest]

Hey Gennee,

I have been attending another church in town and so far they have been accepting to me so either they don't know or they don't care or I'm not well known enough for them to feel the need to tell me what to do. Even my kids went and loved the youth programs they were in and no one really batted an eye at my kids calling me "daddy", so it's hard to say at this point but time will tell.

As for my old church, I decided to go to their Christmas production last Monday and I was wearing my best dress, heels, with jewelry, hair done and face all made up. I even talked to some people I haven't talked to in a while and they were all very cordial. So I doubt I would've caused any ripples in that place like they feared, but I've since wiped the dust off my feet and moved on to the next town.

God bless

Ashley

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Ashley,

I am so glad you found another church. I feel it is so important to be able to worship with others. And it is so important to feel, and be, welcome.

hugs,

Stephanie