The Nightmare That Is Me

[Guest Kenny]

Hello All,

I too am new here but have been ghosting through some topics. I was raised on a farm as a guy but ran into problems when female hormones got in the way. I only recently learned about being able to correct that mistake and am kind of looking at what I need to do and how to find therapists, and all the rest that goes with it.

I read the suicide rate from smeones posting. I have to say I am one of them who have tried when I was younger{more than once}. I know longer feel suicidal but I do have times of deep depression. I saw someone for the depression but never told them about what depressed me. I have a granddaughter and 4 children so obviously a bit older but hopefully getting wiser.

I still wonder how any of you older people managed to get this far without screaming or "going postal". I get so angry sometimes at some who insist that I don't feel what I feel or that I don't know my own thoughts. My question is if I don't know then how does anyone else?

If I sound confused , well, maybe I am.

[Sally]

Hello, Kenny,

My goodness, do come in and sit down here in the Introductions Lounge.

Let me get you some of our refreshments and I'll tell you a bit about myself.

The pizza is still hot and I can make you a cheeseburger or a hot dog - have a soft drink and let's talk.

I am MTF so we are headed in the opposite direction but I am 57 years old so that should qualify as 'older', although not the oldest, but I still have all of those same feelings/

I am just now on the threshold of seizing control of my life - I still have my mother telling me that I am mistaken or 'brain washed' so I don't have support at home, my wife left - not an ideal marriage or very long either (they can survive but both have to work at it) - my 'fan club'/support group is right here!

I have held it together all of these years in exactly the same way that you have - you had to.

My supporters will be along to support you as well with one more enthusiastic member - Me!

The food and Louge may be virtual but the love and support are very real, let us be your family and offer you all of the help that we can.

There is one small catch - you have to be willing to help others whenever you can, that's a small price for our support and you won't believe how good you will feel when some one thanks you for something that you thought wasn't much help, but it meant everything to them.

Enjoy your stay at the friendliest place on Earth,

Sally

[Guest Zabrak]

Welcome to Laura's Playground, Kenny.

[Guest Drew]

hey Kenny welcome to the forums. it's nice to have you here.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Welcome, Kenny!

[Guest Jackson]

Welcome, Kenny.

We're here for you. You have any questions, just ask.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Welcome to the Playground, Kenny!

It's really nice to have you here with us....

I'm MTF and 59.....

I'm heading in the right direction now, but it's been a long miserable life for the most part.....

But, don't feel bad for me ..I'm incredibly happy anymore....I am doing what was destined to be done....

All I'm saying, Hon, is...don't despair...there are lots of us here that have finally turned the corner and realized our life....it's very empowering!

Please read of others journeys and you will realize how it can be accomplished....

We are 100% behind you because we understand....

We've been there,too....

Thank you for coming in, Kenny....I think you'll like it here!

XXOO

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

I am 61 - and MTF - so there are us seriously senior here. If you tell me your birth given name is Elizabeth I will faint. If you tell me you are really my first cousin I will drop dead on the spot! This is too weird.

Lizzy

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Kenny,

Do not despair, we all have suffered exactly what you are suffering. I am middle aged too. I have grown children, my eldest daughter is married. It is only a matter of time before I am a grandparent!!! I do not have all of the answers for you, but this one... step, by step, walk towards your true self!

We are so glad that you have found us!!! Welcome my friend. You are so safe here. The tea is brewing and the fire is warm (hear it crackling?) Come, sit, on the couch and let's talk my dear. I am listening!!

You are now among us!!

Love,

bernie

[Guest CharliTo]

Eeeeeeeeeeee *hug*

I understand what you mean....so hope you can relax...cuz you're not alone here.

You're welcome here

Charlene

[Guest Linus Thomas]

Welcome, Kenny. As an older guy transitioning (didn't decide to do so until 38) you're never too old. Sometimes life sets up a variety of experiences to have before you go down this path. All those experiences can be beneficial in their own way (no experience, no matter how bad, can be learned from or turned into something positive/life empowering).

[Guest Naomi Stardust]

welcome!

looking forward to hearing more about you

you are among friends!

[Paula ult]

Hi Kenny,

Welcome to Laura's, i happen to be 56 and MtF going in the opposite direction, but no matter which direction we are headed we all have pretty much the same feelings growing up. I didn't realize i had suicidal thoughts until i took a suicide prevention class, thoughts of driving the car off a bridge came to mind many times over the years. After starting therapy and hrt i no longer have those feelings or the depression. A good gender therapist is a must, but you must be brutally honest with them, i was from day one, they are not mind readers.

Paula.

[Guest Amanda L Richards]

Hi Kenny,

First of al yo should know that you are safe here and that you are not wrong about anything you have been feeling and thinking.

Especially people like us, we are told to think what others want us to think and believe and that has a tendency to throw us off "our center"

This center is in everyone and when we stand in that center of our being, we see who we really are and we are very sensitive to it and therefore very aware of it. When we stand in this center we know the truth about so much. This is why people try to knock us off center becuase then it is easier to manipulate us becuase we are not grounded in the truth of who we are.

Basically what I am saying is that you are aware of that center and you are not sure whether it is true or not becuase you have not been told that this is you. So what you are feeling is true and real to who you are.

By being here, you can find the confirmation through listening to all of our collective experiences and knowing that this is a phenomena that is naturally occurring and there is nothing wrong with you. You will also find confidence in yourself and that is a very big thing to the self when searching for answers.

The other side effect of being here is that you will make some very close friends in an environment that is safe and non judgememtal. Everyone here knows that our searching will take some time and that is what they will give you along with love kindness and support.

So feel free to wander about and ask anything you want to know about. We are all here to support each other in our individual growth towards our own personal truths.

LUV

Amanda LR

[kasumi]

Hello, Kenny,

My goodness, do come in and sit down here in the Introductions Lounge.

Let me get you some of our refreshments and I'll tell you a bit about myself.

The pizza is still hot and I can make you a cheeseburger or a hot dog - have a soft drink and let's talk.

I am MTF so we are headed in the opposite direction but I am 57 years old so that should qualify as 'older', although not the oldest, but I still have all of those same feelings/

I am just now on the threshold of seizing control of my life - I still have my mother telling me that I am mistaken or 'brain washed' so I don't have support at home, my wife left - not an ideal marriage or very long either (they can survive but both have to work at it) - my 'fan club'/support group is right here!

I have held it together all of these years in exactly the same way that you have - you had to.

My supporters will be along to support you as well with one more enthusiastic member - Me!

The food and Louge may be virtual but the love and support are very real, let us be your family and offer you all of the help that we can.

There is one small catch - you have to be willing to help others whenever you can, that's a small price for our support and you won't believe how good you will feel when some one thanks you for something that you thought wasn't much help, but it meant everything to them.

Enjoy your stay at the friendliest place on Earth,

Sally

Even my mother hold me back say slow down .Let the change happen as you likely read my posting you like in for a shock as many who i told say i am mad

But my mother is holding me back last night i had it an now going to go to the next step changing my name

An i love to have a bit of that pizza as well allso any hope for a hot cup of choc as well

Love to hear more in front of the fire .

Allso while you standing can you close the door as the noise from the sea an wave i can't hear what going on thanks you so kind .

[Guest Frank67]

Hi Kenny,

welcome to Laura's Playground. Relax and enjoy your stay.

[Sally]

Even my mother hold me back say slow down .Let the change happen as you likely read my posting you like in for a shock as many who i told say i am mad

But my mother is holding me back last night i had it an now going to go to the next step changing my name

An i love to have a bit of that pizza as well allso any hope for a hot cup of choc as well

Love to hear more in front of the fire .

Allso while you standing can you close the door as the noise from the sea an wave i can't hear what going on thanks you so kind .

Come on in and have some pizza, I'll make sure that we have some hot cocoa, it's no good when it isn't hot!

Be sure to get that intro all written up and posted - ther's more pizza in it for you.

Love ya,

Sally

[gennee]

Hi Kenny and welcome to Lauras. I'm 60 years young and came out only four years ago as an MTF crossdresser. My transgender was desperate to bust out because I was so confused on the inside. Like you, I got angry for no reason. The day I accepted myself was the day I was liberated.

This is a very supportive site with loads of information and great people.

Gennee

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Welcome to the playground, Kenny! It's good to have you here. Come on in and hang out.

I definitely hear you about feeling like you're "going postal" -- just keep talking to people, it really does help.

All the best,

-Pól