talking to my son

[Guest Bobbysox]

I have been dressing for years. 4 years ago I told my wife and she has been a great support and has come to terms withthe fact I put on a dress.I have been very lucky.

The only problem is that I would like to tell my son. I have no idea how to go about it. I don't know how he will react. I know he has lesbien and gay friends. so i know he is open minded in that regard.

Can any of you girls give me any tips on what to say.

any experience when you told your sons or daughters

any advice or anecdotes would be good

thanks

Bobby

[Carolyn Marie]

Bobby, I certainly understand your anxiety. Before coming out to my son (who was 17 at the time) I feared I would lose his love and respect, and that would have devastated me.

I finally managed the courage one day, and talked to him privately. I started at the beginning, with how I felt as a small child, how I longed to be someone I thought I could never be. I took him on a chronological journey through my life, and explained why I felt I had to do what I was planning to do. I told him I loved him very much, and hoped for his support. When I told him of my fears of losing his love, I completely broke down in sobs. He reached out and gave me the biggest hug, and said I would never lose his love and respect. I teared up again just writing this.

We have been closer than ever these last few years, and his support has never wavered. Not all kids will be the same. Some will take more time to digest the information and accept. Some may turn away from their parent. It is a crap shoot, and I don't know if there is a way to predict the result, whether coming out to children, parents or spouses. When it is time to say the words "I am transgender" you just have to say it, and hope for the best. Look the person in the eye, give them the whole truth, hold nothing back, and then its up to them. I wish you luck.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Bobby

Like you I came out to my wife but she told me: "no mention to the children." So I'm stuck there. But my observation of our teenagers and their friends makes me feel they are far more relaxed over sexual orientation than previous generations. Our daughter has two gay friends who are very close friends, and the "he's gay, get over it" attitude is very strong.

My gut feeling (and there is no science or experience behind this) is that your son will be well able to handle it, and may even surprise you.

But - please do not take my input as anything other than the ramblings of a senile old cross-dresser who has no idea about anything.

Eve

[Guest Bobbysox]

Thanks for your replies girls.

I might never tell him. But who knows what the future will bring.

[tracy_j]

I have found that children and young adults are far more intelligent than people immediately think an notice things. As such dependant on how close both emotionally and physically (geographic) you are he may well be aware to some extent. As such in my opionion, although only you can really tell when the moment is right to confide in him, it would be very counter productive to deliberately hide things in any way.

Although I have not gone into any detail at home I generally dress how I do without concern. It is only when dressing really girly that I avoid being obvious. That said my stepson (over 30) occasionally looks a bit funny at some of the things I wear but shows no concern when I am putting on makeup (just wearing feminine underwear). He has similar lesbien and gay friends. My other son is less happy - just never discussed although he is aware (he works and lives away).

It would be a good idea to discuss things with your wife now, if you have not done, so you will be aware how you feel

Tracy

[Guest Lynnette Rae]

Hi Bobby,

I am new to this group, but I recently came out to my wife and she said it was a must that we tell our children. I started first with our youngest she is 4, then after a few days of playing dress up with her it was time to tell our other 2 ages 5 and 9 both boys. I did a lot of searching on the internet for advice on how to tell children. one thing that was generally agreed upon is that children are consumed with themselves. it was much easier than I imagined it would be. my children have all accepted me. I know that not all will be as lucky as I have been and I wish you luck. oh I forgot to say how I built up to the moment I told the boys. I started out by talking to them about acceptance of others that were different than them. it made it easier when the time came.

My kids had fun the night I told them asking to see me fully dressed, asking why I wanted to dress like this. asking what I wore to bed, the questions just kept coming and they are still asking them. Through it all they still see me as dad and that has made me very proud. I am raising them right. They know I wear a bra and panties, they know I am Lynnette, but they also know I am still dad and will always love them and be there for them. I hope this helps you in some way.

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Lynnette, I am so proud of you. Well done! Way to go! You are an inspiration.

Hugs

Eve

[Guest Lynnette Rae]

Thank you Eve

[gennee]

I told my son; poured out my heart for four hours. His response? I already knew. Why didn't you tell me?

[Guest Lynnette Rae]

I am so happy for you Genee. I take it he accepted you and has no problems then. you will have to share the whole experience please. it would help so many of us.

Hugs and Kisses XOXOXO

[robinmaybe]

Hey Bobby. One thing you could try is to and watch the show Transparent with him and see how he reacts. (I know that being transgender isn't the same as crossdressing but there aren't many good movies or television shows about men who choose to crossdress as a means of self expression rather than due to being forced by circumstance, i.e Bosom Buddies or Mrs. Doubtfire. I'd suggest you watch it yourself and then casually mention to him that its a show you'd like and maybe suggest he'd like it too. Or just have it on when he's around. You could try asking him what he thinks of transgender people and use his response to estimate how his reaction would be to your crossdressing. Just an idea. Hope it helps and best of luck.

Robin