Devil Inside My Head

[Guest]

You’ll never be a girl.

Deluded Idiot.

Crazy Freak.

Man.

You can’t even place your legs together.

You’ll never be female.

You’re a man and always will be.

Accept Facts.

Accept REALITY.

You have a penis.

You have testicles.

You were born this way.

There’s no changing it.

It’s impossible.

You’ll never have what you want.

Look at your hair

Look at your skin

Look at your face

Look at your body

Just try to cross your legs.

You can’t do it. See?

You don’t deserve it anyway.

Freak.

Man.

You can’t.

You won’t.

Your body will never be right.

You’re disgusting.

You’re a man.

You’re a disgusting man.

No.

You’re a disgusting freak.

A deluded freak

A crazy disgusting deluded freak.

Always have been and always will be.

Stop fighting it.

…

I win.

[Guest]

very good

oh and...

you can't cross your legs?

this poem talk about what must surely be a very common feeling amongst transgender people.

I've been thinking like this all my life but the only problem that I have with it, and i'm just talking for myself here, is that I just can't feel better thinking like that.

for me it was at 32 when I was finally sick, sick sick sick sick and tired of heavy depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts.

for me the brain is the most important thing, far more important then the body.

If a woman have an accident and loose her vagina and uterus will she be less of a woman? Of course the answer is no, I already ear everybody say.... then why are we less of a woman because we don't have them?

have a very nice day

I hope you'll find your way

[Guest]

No I can't cross my legs or even really bring them together completely without exerting a lot of effort- they just splay outward in a very manly way that makes me extremely dysphoria at times - and there's freaking nothing I can do about it. I think my mom actually has the same problem but not as bad. it drives me nuts ---people think I'm joking when I say having a female skeletal structure matters to me and that there's no difference between male and female bones. I try not to think about it but sometimes it just overwhelms me at the sheer unfairness of it all. And it's such a little thing that shouldn't matter at all --but it really does for me, I hate that they just don't work or lay the way they should. :-(

And as far as the genitals thing- for me the hangup isn't that a woman without a vagina wouldn't still be a woman of course she would. It's that a woman born with a penis isn't a woman at all. Not that there aren't more sexes than male/female but that whatever you get is what you get-that its not a changeable thing. Flaws in my own thinking? Perhaps but I really don't see a way last them.

[Guest]

I. E. What you're born as is what defines you not how you modify yourself.

If an Asian person gets surgery to westernize their eyelids eliminates their accent (if they have one), and converts to Christianity,are they suddenly not Asian anymore? Of course not. I can't help but think of sex and gender in the same way.

[Guest]

yeah I understand, that's one way of seeing things. I guess that's always made me a little weird, thinking the contrary lol

that's why I say that I hope you find your way. I care about your happiness and I hope you find a way to see the world as you see it and be happy. There's people that find it in your situation.

For me it's a lost cause... I was 5 yo and I was wearing my sister clothes and thinking I was a girl. I tried to change the way I think to align with others but I never could even in the face of physical and mental abuse...

I was getting beaten bad and still kept my strange manerism/voice/etc

oh well... If you can't beat em, join em

I think i'm a girl despite all the physical evidence, lol

[Charlize]

I'm accepting myself as i am. At this point it is a mix but that's OK with me. I prefer a mix to an imposed reality where i was simply not comfortable. I have recited my version of that poem for too long. I didn't win or loose i just started playing another game.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest miss kindheart]

The devil inside your head
I wonder if he is but red

Maybe he’s under your bed
Causing nothing but dread

You know in your heart what you are
It shines bright like a beautiful star

So lovely and true indeed
It’s ok if you seek if you need

So know that as you do grow
Your life will continue to glow

Just be who are
That bright shining star

She is oh so true
A beautiful blue

The one that we al know as U

With love from
vanna