I've lost my faith and belief

[Guest Motormouth18]

The last time I posted here was in July. My youth pastor had just kicked me out of the group into the (older) adult group (older= over 45 years old). I gave it 2 months. By August, I had enough. My youth pastor wouldn't let me back in and in fact, he left. Now there's no youth group at my former church.

I decided to go at it myself because there are no other churches close by with youth/young adult groups. I bought myself a new NIV bible because it's the easiest to comprehend. I started reading the Bible. I got through Genesis and I was just left thinking "what the heck is this stuff?". Before this, I had only read a few passages.

I began doing research and what I discovered began to turn me into an agnostic person. The more I read, the stronger my disbelief goes. I have always been a logical person who wants physical proof in anything. I just don't have faith anymore. I definitely don't believe in the Bible anymore. I do still believe that there might be a higher power, but not the God of the bible. I still fake stuff occasionally for my family so that I don't get disowned.

[Guest April Kristie]

MM, that is great that you are growing up and starting to question your reality. The bible may not do it for you anymore but that opens up a greater or larger understanding of ourselves and our relation to the universe and the way we relate to others in this life. You can be whomever you choose to be in this life keep thinking positive thoughts and things will go your way, it will take time but you will get your " just desserts ' in time. Keep trying to understand the big picture and where you stand in it. It just might give ou he solice you want. Check out the book 'the secret' and maybe it will help you. Oh, it was a film as well.

[VickySGV]

You definitely were not taught how to read the Bible. That happens much too often and leads to your condition there. I am still very much in my branch of the Christian faith because I have not taken it literally, even though I have studied it many times over the years. It will not hurt you to let the folks think what they will, and to tell them most of what they want to hear. I know that is blasphemous to say to most people especially where you live, so please do not say it aloud. All three of my children have their own beliefs, but they can talk to me and they know it. You I am afraid will not be able to until you are self supporting and self determining. Good luck.

[Charlize]

I'm glad your faith and understanding is growing and becoming your own. It may well change and evolve over the years. I also believe in a higher power but at this point i don't belong to any organized religious group. Keeping your relatives in the dark may help to avoid conflict and i've found that if you think of your higher power during prayers it all seems to fit most of the time.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Edu]

Although I'm not religious (actually, I don't think there is even a term or label for my beliefs), I do read the Bible from time to time. It is, at the very least, a rather interesting text.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I must say it: if you read it top to bottom, start to finish, and take everything in there literally, it just makes no sense.

But adding a bit of perspective to it, the interesting aspects start to show up. Keeping in mind the ages in which it was written, the audiences it was addressed to, and the fact that one of its main purposes was to teach those people the stuff they needed to know, things begin to fit together and form a more coherent picture.

When you read the Bible, just like any other old enough book, you are visiting the minds of people who lived and died millennia ago, in a world completely different from what it is today; you get to meet long gone civilizations and discover ancient traditions and viewpoints. But, unlike general literature, religious texts like the Bible have something extra to them: they tap into the deepest fears and the brightest hopes of those people it was addressed to, and you may find that some of those have survived even to this day. That is, IMHO, the essence of the human soul; and the Bible is a powerful tool to explore it.

I don't know if what I just wrote will even make sense to you (I know my approach to spirituality is weird, to say the least), but I wanted to share anyway.

[VickySGV]

Edu -- You and I share the same type of weirdness in regard to the Bible, Most people limit it to the words between it's covers, but as you have pointed out, it has so much more meaning when the words are not taken literally, but as symbols of a fascinating continuum of the development and history of human spirituality.

[Guest DigbyDriver]

The last time I posted here was in July. My youth pastor had just kicked me out of the group into the (older) adult group (older= over 45 years old). I gave it 2 months. By August, I had enough. My youth pastor wouldn't let me back in and in fact, he left. Now there's no youth group at my former church.

I decided to go at it myself because there are no other churches close by with youth/young adult groups. I bought myself a new NIV bible because it's the easiest to comprehend. I started reading the Bible. I got through Genesis and I was just left thinking "what the heck is this stuff?". Before this, I had only read a few passages.

I began doing research and what I discovered began to turn me into an agnostic person. The more I read, the stronger my disbelief goes. I have always been a logical person who wants physical proof in anything. I just don't have faith anymore. I definitely don't believe in the Bible anymore. I do still believe that there might be a higher power, but not the God of the bible. I still fake stuff occasionally for my family so that I don't get disowned.

Hi,

First of all, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and to say that the church is full of faulty humans just like everyone else is a stupid and hollow sentiment that shouldn't excuse the rampant abuse from churches towards trans people and the LGBT community in general.

Addressing your reading struggles though, I'll say that even though the Bible is a piece of literature, it's one of those weird ones that isn't often the best to read chronologically. I would recommend starting with the Gospel of John. A lot of new readers find it the easiest to understand despite being pretty metaphor heavy.

The NIV is a great version. I use the ESV, which is really similar. I would encourage you to give it another go, but leave the Old Testament for another day.Though it's definitely applicable to Christians, the OT is filled with Jewish history, complex poetry, and apocalyptic/prophetic literature that biblical scholars can mostly just interpret through theoretical and analytical discussion.

Also, even if you choose not to follow the Christian faith, I urge you not to lose sight of all faith.

Faith and belief in something bigger is a comfort that I believe we have programmed innately in our genetic make up. This isn't just a Christian idea, but one also held by other religions such as Hinduism in addition to branches of well-established psychology. One notable example is analytical phychology's founder Carl Jung and his theory of collective consciousness.

I'm just another voice on the Internet, and I don't know where you've done your research, but I would advise you to examine what you've learned to ensure that it's solid, objective (or as close as you can get) advice and not just the bitter stories from people the church or other Christians have cruelly rejected.

While these can make you feel better, they can also sometimes be words from people who are exactly where you are: confused, angry, and hurt. This isn't advice, it's a temporary way to dismiss real disappointment and pain by covering it in justifiable anger when the people who are supposed to embody a generous, accepting, unbiased love choose to selfishly withhold it and and make others pay for what should be a free gift.

That's not to say that the Internet or the other resources you've used are all like this. You have a right to believe anything you want, just be cautious of advice (about anything, not just religion) that offers easy explanations or contradictions for complex ideas instead of advice on how to reach or improve understanding to build personal tools and knowledge to discover truth (whatever that may be to you) on your own.

You may have found good advice out there, but don't rely on other people's opinions alone. The best weapon you have against religious intolerance is exposing the people who promote it and instead try to study without preconceived judgments and opinions to the best of our ability.

Christianity doesn't need to be defended or protected by the people who follow it. If God exists, He has nothing to fear from his creations and what they might discover about Him. He is capable of acting through science and philosophy, which is just another part of His creation. It can be argued that human rationality and intellect are not contrary to God, but are just a reflection of His character and another way we are made in the image of God.

In addition to that possibility, God's character is also rooted in love, not hate. And though mysterious, His love was made to be revealed to people, not hidden. Confusion shouldn't drive us away. It should invite us to learn and discover without fear. An invitation from a curious creator to an equally curious creation.

Sorry. I'm really long winded. I don't meant to rant. Feel free to totally ignore me if this wasn't applicable or helpful. Not to shove it up anyone's nose, but if you want some validation that I'm not just making stuff up, I have a degree in biblical studies and theology as well as education. I'm a middle school English teacher at a Christian school and I've talked about all of this with my students on multiple occasions and with other young people and peers also wrestling with issues deemed controversial in modern Christianity.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, even if you just want to tell me you disagree. Understanding yourself, your mind, your soul, and your relationship to a potential higher being is important for building self esteem and confidence, which can only help the struggles we face with gender identity.

Alright. I'm done. No more. Class dismissed. Yes, I'll write you a pass to the next class. No, we don't have homework. Please straighten your desks before you leave.

~Add

[Guest DigbyDriver]

Sorry, I realized too late one of my paragraphs was a little confusing.

It read...

"The best weapon you have against religious intolerance is exposing the people who promote it and instead try to study without preconceived judgments and opinions to the best of our ability."

After a few commas and pronoun adjustment, it should read...

"The best weapon we have against religious intolerance is exposing the people who promote it, and after exposure, we illuminate by studying without preconceived judgments or opinions to the best of our ability."

Much better. A handful if commas are unfortunately still missing from the whole post, but I'm only grading on participation, so no biggie.

~Add