Height dysphoria & heel lifts

[Guest borntofly]

Hey guys, I'm on the shorter side (5'5) & it's increasingly becoming an issue for me. Many of the women I'm interested in are taller & desire men who are as well.

I'm considering buying 3-4" shoe lift inserts but a part of me feels this is false advertising & my true height will need to be revealed anyway.

Do you think women would be more turned off if a guy wore shoe lifts for extra height?

[Charlize]

I am perhaps not the audience you are looking for but i would think 3 or 4 inches would be really overdoing it. If it makes you feel better i know a number of men who have had a remarkable number of partners who are your height. They may get kidded by the guys but they are loved by the women. I'm sure you will find someone who isn't impressed but height alone.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Alexthecat]

5'5 isn't that short and if the women are that superfical that height bothers them then you don't want to be with them anyways.

[Guest Clair Dufour]

Best thing are cowboy boots with full dogger heels. You can also get them added to a bit and no one will notice. Too much and your back to walking like a girl. Add a cowboy hat. Makes you look taller too. Could be worse. Ive seen FTM's well under 5 feet tall. BTW, these women wearing heels?

[tracy_j]

My opinion is to look at outerwear you are wearing in entirety. These days I look more at female dress but the principles are still the same (horizontal stripes to look fatter or vertical to look thinner etc [vertically striped shirt?]). Using a modest increase in height via footwear and clothing for optical illusion you could 'appear' a few inches taller.

Tracy

[JJ]

There are thousands of men who wear lifts. They just don't talk about it. You can gte adjustable size lifts on ebayt pretty reasonably. The one thing that was stressed when I researched them is to get full foot ones with the heel build u rather than the ones that are just heel pieces because the latter shift and can hurt.

I am also 5'5" and if you are western in style then cowboy boots are fine-without his boots and hat Dwight Yoakum is not the 6' height he claims and looks more like an unattractive accountant than anything else.-and I have met him personally when he was boating and swimming so I know. Those boots and hat make the man but cowboy is just not my style so I wear motorcycle boots-there are all kinds of them and they all have taler heels which look natural to the boot. With them and lifts I'm 5'8". Just my daughter's height which is good since we are together a lot. I don't walk female either. My mountaineering hiking boots also add a lot of height but that was just a bonus and not something I sought.

My father gave his height as 5'7" but in pics I've seen of him he was the same height as my mother who was 5'5". I never saw him after I was 2 so can't say for sure but I'm pretty sure he was my height. Another thing I have found in doing a LOT of research is that any man under 5'10 usually adds two inches to his height verbally.

While I would like to be taller I also work hard not to let it cause me to have little man syndrome. Nothing is more ridiculous than a little man up on his toes strutting around like a banty rooster. I've seen a lot of them made fun of but never heard anyone make fun of a man just because he was short. Walk like you are proud of who you are -with confidence -walk like a tall man and not a little man trying to be tall and people will see you as a regular man rather than a short man. Working out and having a good body can also make a big difference.

From everything I have read-and on many places not gossip sites-the list of men who are celebrities who wear lifts is long -from Russel Crowe to Bon Jovi.

Lifts and the way I walk doesn't seem to interfere with women finding me attractive because I do get hit on more than I ever expected-even by women a lot younger. . My daughter see it and finds it funny so it isn't just me. And if works for an old guy like me....

Johnny

[Guest borntofly]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions! I will buy the full length lifts to keep it comfy. And just maybe a cool cowboy hat

[Guest AJ_089]

Hey borntofly!

I feel where you're coming from. Sometimes I have doubts about my height and I'm 5'8"! I try to keep in mind that although the average height of cis men in the US is 5'10", globally, that number goes down significantly. I think having good posture is the most important thing in the quest for tallness. It'll make you look taller AND keep your spine healthy. If your shoes aren't even from toe to heel, sometimes they can hurt your posture and be counter productive.

I, being a punk, have also added a few inches with my mohawk, but I know that's not for everyone

~AJ

[KathrynJulia]

Hey Born to Fly:

There are a great many woman out there who are 5 foot nothing and are looking for guys who aren't 6 feet tall. They would enjoy someone who doesn't tower over them. Some days we just have to realize that our issues with height are our own issues and not shared by everyone. There's a very nice girl out there looking for you. And she wants someone just you to be her perfect guy just the way you are.

Just relax and let the real you shine through. Kathy

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Born to Fly,

Lots of Hollywood actors use lifts, and other techniques to gain height. I attended college at the U. of Maryland with Don Stallone, Sylvester Stallone's cousin, and he told me many times that his actor cousin is actually 5' 8" tall, not the 5' 10" he always claims. Very muscular family by the way, Don looks a lot like his cousin including being rather ripped usually, but Don is taller, and he has become bald in more recent years unlike Sly who doesn't have that problem (I think it was only about five years ago when I last spoke with Don in person, I do try to keep in touch with some of my old college friends) .

In any case, I gotta tell you, from my perspective it doesn't matter too much the height of the man, it is how he treats a lady that counts. I am taller than my boyfriend Alex, not too surprising since I am 5' 9 1/2" tall, but that sure doesn't make me love him any less.

Stephanie

[Ravin]

You know, I'm 5'6" and until I read this thread it never occurred to me that one might do this. My husband is 5'7" though and often claims an extra inch. He doesn't wear shoe lifts, though.

[Guest AorB]

I have the same issue with my height, though I'm 5'3". I'm still hoping I'll grow more, but I'm not holding my breath. Looks like I'll be investing in some biker boots.

Thank you for the help.

[Guest oddly-charming]

Hey, I'd kill to be 5'5. I'm only an inch shorter than you, but really, guys who are 5'5 are not that uncommon. And like many before have wisely advised, the height does not make the man. It's about your attitude, your confidence, and the way you carry yourself. My partner reminds me to stand up straight (I unfortunately inherited my height and my hunching problem from my father, who is, by the way, about 5'6.) I habitually hunch my shoulders and when standing still, do that hip-popping thing which many women do, which takes several inches off my appearance alone. I've had to unlearn these feminine postures, and it has not been easy. Being raised female means learning to take up less space, become smaller, take smaller steps, sit with legs crossed, etc, and these are things which significantly cut down the image of masculinity I'm trying to achieve. I've had to learn to lift my chin, walk with my chest out, stand with my legs apart and my weight distributed on both feet. I do my best to take up space and look assertive, borderline aggressive, like I'm the only guy around and I'm taking what's mine.

So I guess where that's going is this: don't worry so much about your height. Sure, you'll be a short dude. There's plenty of short dudes around, and plenty of tall women. But it doesn't mean you're less of a dude. Just possess your body, command respect, be confident and love how you look. Order everyone nearby to love how you look too, and forget about the women who won't love you because of your height. They'll find some guy who's 6'2 and get married because he's attractive on the outside, but on the inside he'll never be as cool as you are.

And get the lifts if you want; many men do. Just admit that it's a concession to strict gender norms and not something that you NEED in order to be attractive. Because.....it's not.

Luck,

Lex

[Guest JaksOuttaTheBox]

I too am 5'5" and am constantly asking my parents how they missed the memo that I was supposed to be 5'9". (They say it ended up in the file with the memo that I was supposed to be a "trust fund baby." Funny people they are.) But I get it. Like AJ said, posture has a lot to do with perceived height. I was often mistaken as being like 5'3" until I noticed it was because I never stood up straight. It took some time but with practice improving my posture it seems. like I've grown a bit. Good luck to you.

-Jaks-

[Guest Plaid Chameleon]

I"m 5'3....everyone....and I mean Everyone in my family is over 5,9 even my sixteen year old girl cousin. It's probably because my mother did basically everything they told parents not to do when having a baby but I digress. I hate being short, it's awful but what I hate even more is when I complain about it and my mother would go. "you're a girl it doesn't matter" of course I never opened my mouth about the truth to that women...bad idea. But it didn't make me want to strangle her for saying it any less. It's rare I meet people who are shorter then I am, although I have and it usually makes me for sorry for them because being short is horrible.

[Carolyn Marie]

.It's rare I meet people who are shorter then I am, although I have and it usually makes me for sorry for them because being short is horrible.

Oh, I wouldn't go so far as to say its horrible, hon. I do suppose its all how you look at things. Me, I've been pretty much looking up at things all of my life. You see, I'm 5'3, too. I often wished that I was taller, especially when I was young and trying to date women. It would have come in handy, too, when i tried out for the paramedics, and when I needed something from the top shelf in the grocery store.

But you get used to those things, because that's all you can do. Make the best of what is given to you. I learned early on to make light of my, um, shortcomings, and laugh at myself. That kind of disarms those who might be inclined to laugh at you.

In the end, life turned out pretty good. I had a great career, spent over 20 years as a reserve police officer (a well-respected one, if I do say so), married a wonderful woman, and raised a son. All the while being vertically challenged. So chin up, my young friend. life might not turn out so badly for you, either.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

My granddaughter's father claimed he was 5'5" but I noticed he was shorter than I am and I am 5'5". He hated being short and felt inferior because of it- his brother is around 6 foot. So he swaggered around with typical little man syndrome and a chip on his shoulder. People laughed at him for it behind his back. It also made people react negatively to him

But there are a lot of men in this area my height or smaller and they walk around with with confidence but not that in your face "Little man" thing. No one sees them as any different. No one laughs at them because they project a self confidence. Height does make a difference and I'm not saying it doesn't. But that difference is surface and can be overcome. I know I certainly have no shortage of women flirting and I'm an old man. Self assurance and personality count for a lot more than height.

Might help if you look up the real height of some celebrities. It is standard procedure to add 2 or often 3 inches to their height but many male stars are under 5' 5" - as are some musicians. In fact it's seen as code in Hollywood that anyone who says they are 5'8" is 5' 5" or less. Though he gives his height as what it is in shoes look at Ryan Seacrest. Being short hasn't hurt him any. Maybe the reverse actually. Our culture is full of myths and stereotypes and contradictions-mens height is one of them.

Sure I'd rather be over 6' but I'm not and not going to be. So I'll be the best I can be and take pride in that. I do wear lifts as I said. In large part because I am so often with my daughter who is 5'8" and it makes us both more comfortable for me to be her height. Nothing wrong with doing what you can. But once you have done that then I'm a firm believer in learning to let go of what you can't change and focusing your energy on what you can.it's hard to do that sometimes but it's something you can teach yourself that will carry over in positive ways in your life. So many people never learn not to keep bloodying their head against a brick wall instead of finding a door through it to a better place. I was one of them for a very long time myself. I failed to enjoy so much so often that I could have had for focusing on what I could not. I don't want to see others make the same mistakes and pay the same price

Johnny

[Guest KerryUK]

Well, I have to say that in a 'previous life' at 5' 5", I was quite short for a guy. As a woman now though, I find that actually I am fairly tall.

I always try to find positives for whatever situation I find myself in. I think that size really does not matter - it's more about how you come across to others. I've known guys who were much shorter than me but they didn't make an issue of it, they accepted it and were confident in themselves. It's more about confidence - believe me. If you are confident, respectful of others and can engage in good, interesting conversation, people will accept you as you are.

Hope this helps.

Kerry x

[tracy_j]

As I am coming to believe strongly Kerry, your last sentence says it all!

Confidence is the key to almost everything.

My voice is terrible and conversation hesitant but a nice smile, eagerness to talk and confident manner = few issues

I am often amazed

Tracy