Passing Thoughts

[Guest Kenna Dixon]

I don't test the waters in public much. These days, my volunteer office job is validation enough, I guess. I've reached a stage of life at which I no longer feel the need to prove anything.

A major exception is when I visit the hair salon. If I'm getting a woman's cut, I can't be dressed like a guy. That's the way I see it, at least. So I take advantage of the opportunity to go all out, imagewise. It helps that the stylist now expects that of me.

I know from experience that what she does with my hair makes me feel very attractive. The look she gave me today was no exception (Nancy Grace, is that you?). Her artistry leaves me believing I'm the "whole package", with no worries about passing or even attracting undue attention. It's psychological, of course, because I'm no less tall, still weigh 214 pounds and have to focus constantly on my mannerisms and voice.

But the surge of new feminine energy takes me from the salon to where other people are. It wipes away any undue worry regarding what they "think". And that experience reinforces what we all hear but sometimes have a hard time believing: confidence in yourself is of paramount importance when you venture out. This afternoon, surrounded by women in a department store, sitting at the library reading or in a variety of situations out on the street, I never once saw or felt that anyone particularly noticed me.

In those moments, if my hair, makeup, clothes and accessories are right, I sense no remaining vestige of maleness...and maybe that feeling radiates a bit.

[tracy_j]

I can understand what you are saying but must admit I am sometimes confused (maybe overthinking as was the meat of a recent topic).

The other day I was out and about with work and stopped for my lunch break in a local town. As is not unusual I took to a little retail therapy. I found that a local womens clothing store was closing down and there were bargains to be had. Not missing the opportunity I entered and located a coat which I had been thinking of buying for some time. This was reduced by 60% so it was not to be missed but I had to find the right size so removed the coat I was wearing and hung on the end of the rack, tried the sale item on on and wandered across the store to a full length mirror to check over fully.

It is not something I would worry at all about when out very feminine at the weekend but I was in my male workclothes (shirt and tie) with only some makeup (and my hair which is somewhat longer these days). I did not notice any reaction at all from anyone! I was not particulary nervous at all and so acted confidently. I wanted the coat and worried not about anyone else's reaction.

A couple of years ago if I had done the same people would have stopped and stared or at least been rather amused (I had that happen).

Perhaps a similar thing Kenna?

It's a little confusing to me

Tracy

[Charlize]

I find a similar feeling when i go to the nail salon. When i first went years ago i was petrified and only managed to go with the help of a cis friend. Now when i go i can relax and enjoy being pampered. Sitting under the nail dryers i have the nicest conversations with the women around me. I just seem to fit in. I don't know if it is because i pass or simply because time has brought some comfort in simply being myself. The fear has been lifted and i feel like i'm at home within myself.

Hugs,

Charlize