Debating

[Guest InBetween]

I know I am the only one who really will know, but I might as well post my feelings. I am biologically female, but often find myself jealous of those who are born neither male or female, especially those born both at the same time. I also at times wish that I was born male. I have always wanted male sex organs...unfortunately my relatives just call this "boy thing envy"..I am not so sure it is. I do feel male, although I do have a little femininity about me...which may very well be a result of raised to be female by a very "girly" mother. When asked if I am female, I often reply yes, but if the question is changed to say, "Are you female inside?" the answer is immediate, and that I am not.

I have started to transition, but am not yet passing. I haven't cut my hair and since I have had this hair for years, I am almost afraid of the change. I do not yet have a binder. Instead I wear sports bras which make the breasts less evident. I wear male clothing, no make-up and my hair tied back. I wear a masculine watch and an androgynous looking necklace.

Most of my family members (if not all) have not been very accepting of all this, which often makes me question myself to an extent that everything gets confusing. When I have time to myself, I tend to see my true self more easily, but I haven't had much of that considering the amount of time my family members make smart comments.

I don't really know where to go from here.

-Scott

[Zufrieden]

Hi Scott:

Yes, you're right, only you can really know yourself. Still, there's a lot to be gained both from explaining yourself and hearing other people's stories.

Picking a gender can be hard work. There are pros and cons, deep-seated convictions and frivolous fantasies.

I think one of the best questions to ask yourself is "What would I do if I was the only person on the earth?"

How would you like your body to be when you were the only person to judge it? How would you dress?

Another question: What if your family and friends didn't exist, what would you do?

How would you like your body to be and how would you dress when you're alone?

How would you like your body to be and how would you dress to integrate into the sea of humanity?

Yes, there is usually some element of envy involved here, also sometimes sexual feelings.

That doesn't mean that you're wrong, just try to decide how big the effect is.

I wear sports bras which make the breasts less evident. I wear male clothing, no make-up.

Just like me! Except I really like my breasts and would never say "the breasts".

Don't wait for life to start, it's already started. Make the decisions that will make you happy. It's too bad if you disappoint your family, it's your life.

Z.

[Guest InBetween]

If I were the only one on earth, I'd definitely dress casual masculine.

-Scott

[Zufrieden]

I think one of the best questions to ask yourself is "What would I do if I was the only person on the earth?"

Sorry, that's not a very good question to ask yourself. Try this one instead:

"What would I do if I were the only person on the earth?"

In the future (and in the subjunctive), I intend to watch my language more carefully.

Z.

[Guest matthew41]

Scott,

Confusion and self doubt is understandable, especially with your family not being very accepting. I know its hard when you are outnumbered with opinions that devalue your feelings. I hope that changes for you but in the mean while, we are here to listen to you and accept you. Don't worry to much about your hair, whatever makes you most comfortable is fine, many men wear their hair long. Try to take your transition one day at a time. Changes will happen little by little so the small changes you have made so far to your appearance sound appropriate. Who you are and where you fall on a scale of feeling masculine with or without some feminine feelings or traits remaining should become clearer down the road and however you feel in the end is OK.

Hang in there,

Matt

[Guest Madison_Always]

i know how u feel i cant tell u how long i wondered what the heck was i. not until recently did i finally realize that i wasnt some freak but a tru girl at heart and mind and now i have begun down the path to physical change but i know it will take a while but u must do what u want although it will be very hard its incredibly hard for me to be me in front of my parents and i am trying rly hard to be courageous and tell them about me and to come out to the world but enough about me u just have to be u you dont need a title just be u. lots a luv

-Melanie

[Guest InBetween]

I am finding I feel very comfortable as male...just wanted to update you guys.

-Merrick-Scott

[Guest SharleahLynn]

I know I am the only one who really will know, but I might as well post my feelings. I am biologically female, but often find myself jealous of those who are born neither male or female, especially those born both at the same time. I also at times wish that I was born male. I have always wanted male sex organs...unfortunately my relatives just call this "boy thing envy"..I am not so sure it is. I do feel male, although I do have a little femininity about me...which may very well be a result of raised to be female by a very "girly" mother. When asked if I am female, I often reply yes, but if the question is changed to say, "Are you female inside?" the answer is immediate, and that I am not.

I have started to transition, but am not yet passing. I haven't cut my hair and since I have had this hair for years, I am almost afraid of the change. I do not yet have a binder. Instead I wear sports bras which make the breasts less evident. I wear male clothing, no make-up and my hair tied back. I wear a masculine watch and an androgynous looking necklace.

Most of my family members (if not all) have not been very accepting of all this, which often makes me question myself to an extent that everything gets confusing. When I have time to myself, I tend to see my true self more easily, but I haven't had much of that considering the amount of time my family members make smart comments.

I don't really know where to go from here.

-Scott

There comes a time when you have to step up and say forget this , and be your real and true you. You can't allow closed minded family members rule the person you are. None of us asked to be born in the wrong body, but the sad part is that we were and we have to fight for every inch we gain. It is a shame that sometimes closedminded people try to strip us of those inches and we have to fight even harder to keep them. Just be the real you hon. Live Long And Prosper.....SharleahLynn

[Guest Mani]

I do feel male, although I do have a little femininity about me...which may very well be a result of raised to be female by a very "girly" mother.

I have a bit of femininity, but I've learned to accept that as a part of who I am, a femme guy, a pretty boy.