1st month of acceptance at 52 years old

[Guest Raya]

So, after 40 years of secrecy, then 5 years of actively trying to "overcome" my "addiction" to "acting out" (cross dressing) I have finally found acceptance of my trans-gendered self, and I'm loving it! I have a gender friendly church, a good therapist, 2 local support groups and an LGBT AA group.

My childhood history is sadly similar to other Trans's, suicide being the most apparent option, then at 12 I found drugs and alcohol.

At 13 I found a much older man and had an unhealthy and abusive relationship because I could express as wife. Ran away with him at 14, missed my sophomore year, and believe now that one reason self acceptance was sooooo difficult until now was my feeling that that crappy life was my reward for trying to be female.

Fast forward thru marriage (to a somewhat accepting woman), salvation, divorce, raising great kids as a single father, empty nest brings me to now.

I saw 3 possible choices - suicide was off the table years ago.

A) continue fighting myself for the rest of my life

go back to living 2 lives, 1 secreted C) acceptance. Loving it, loving it, loving it

So, I am now heading in a positive and healthy direction, into transition. Just learning about the gender spectrum, and intend to honestly find my comfort zone. 3 times in my life where I had honesty I wanted to be female, so I think somewhere post-hormonal, but how far will I go to get where I belong?

I'm not sure, but I intend to move forward honestly and enjoy the trip!

Thank you all for being here and I look forward to hanging out

[Charlize]

I'm glad you found us and are accepting yourself. Honesty was hard for me as well. Laura's was a big help in that process but i can't say it has been without tears and pain. I can also speak for the joy and peace the journey has given me. Welcome

Hugs,

Charlize

[gennee]

Self acceptance does lead to self discovery. I'm happy that you found the site. Embrace whatever positive vibes come your way. Learn from every experience.

[Guest]

Glad to hear you're no longer fighting it, and welcome to the site...

[Carolyn Marie]

That's an excellent mind set you have, Tracy. I applaud your determination and desire to be true to yourself. We will help all we can, and it will be our pleasure to help you reach your goals, whatever they may be.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Raya]

Thanks for reading and replying, ladies.

One of the scariest parts of transition is looking at how women do life- together, in groups, talking!

Charlize thanks for the joy and piece part. And the hug

[tracy_j]

Starting to talk is something I am finding a bit scary Tracy but it's something to go for and practice. Women in general love to talk and I feel it is one of the nicest things about being a woman.

Tracy

[Guest Raya]

Well that's one more thing I have to look forward to then, Tracy!

Actually was talking with a group of trans women tonite, we had a makeup artist in, it was very cool

[Guest Raya]

So, I came out to some more family, today to my dad and another brother, so far everyone has accepted me! I was so worried, and now it's like I can just relax.

[Guest Lynnette Rae]

That is great Tracy, having the acceptance from family is always nice. My family has accepted me. I don't know how my mom and dad or my siblings would as I am the last one. I would like to think that they would accept me and that is what I will go on. I am in a very loving relationship with a very accepting wife and I just enjoy being able to dress as I want with no judgment. she lets me be me. I do not want to transition, I just enjoy dressing as a woman and acting like one. I have a very good teacher and she is helping me get ready for full disclosure to all family and friends and to venture forth into the public world. It does sound like you have a very good support system in place and that is important as I have found out. I do go through days of self doubt though and then I will talk with my wife and those doubts are gone. I am jealous of you though as you got to meet with a makeup artist. My wife is a good teacher but I would still like some professional input on my makeup. good luck on your journey and enjoy everyday.

hug and kissesXOXOXO

[Guest Raya]

Thanks Lynette Rae, beautiful name and signature btw.

The makeup artist was cool, but your wife's support is so much cooler! My ex (we split for other reasons) knew I was a cd before we married, and was kinda ok with it but I envy you!

Hugs to ya both!

PS: trap shooting? I so wanted to do that off the back of the cruise ship Norway, but they stopped it post 9/11. Cruise director said "really, would you trust your fellow passengers with a loaded shorgun anyway"? I looked around, said sure would! No more engine room tours either.

That reminds me, gotta edit the interests...

[Guest Lynnette Rae]

Thank you Tracy,

oh I do love trap shooting. I joined a team a few years ago and we took 1st place in our division locally and took 3rd place regionally.

[Guest Raya]

Smiling and singing today!

So, I got a big hug from my dad's girlfriend when she found out I was going to transition, my brother sent me a good trans link, and an AA friend told me my face is so much more lit up. I can tell I am in a good place if I find myself singing, and i am getting some of my old, pre - smoker high voice back

[Guest Lynnette Rae]

That is great Tracy, I am so Happy for you.

[tracy_j]

Brilliant Tracy. I like the smiling and singing

The day always seems to go better with a smile

I seldom get issues when I am in such a good mood - I hope you have many such times!

It's good for progress

Tracy x

[Guest Raya]

Thank you, Tracy and Lynette!

I have more music in my days now. This lyric moved me to tears earlier:

Nightingale, sing us a song

Of a love that once belonged

Nightingale tell me your tale

Was your journey far too long

Does it seem like im looking for an answer

To a question I can't ask... Norah Jones

[Guest Beverly]

Oh how fun! Another girl who loves pyrotechnics and shooting! Glad you're here!

[Guest Raya]

Beverly!

And my neighbors in Indiana brought back legal class C fireworks. But we have Rozzis, and Riverfest...

That reminds me, Thunder over Louisville is coming up