a few thoughts

[Guest BrittanyMarie]

Hello all

i just wanted to get a few thoughts off my mind and don't really know where else to release them.

Well as most of you may already know. i made my first post here the other day. (thank you all for the warm welcome) and since i am now a member to the forums as well as the chat room, i figured this would be a good place to release a few thoughts that i have been having.

for those that i have not spoken to as of yet. a short intro about me. I am 32 yo, mtf, about 6 months or so into my transition now. i started hrt back on Dec15 2014 and i cant wait until things really start to change.

I am out to the people that are in my everyday life, work, family, friends. and have just the other day made a formal post and completely updated my facebook. pretty much everyone that knows has been really supportive, but for some reason i just feel like they are just saying that to make me feel better. that it is just a facade. I really dont know who is truly supportive and who is not.

My girlfriend now of about 3 years. is and has always been fully accepting of me and willing to help me in any way that she can.

I also recently have found out that i do have at least 1 true advocate in my family. i was talking to one of my cousins a few weeks ago and i came out to her (im saying this just for perspective) in person. this cousin as far as i was aware, is bi-sexual. well a couple of days after i told her about me she gave me a call, and explained that she truly understands what i am going threw. At this point my cousin then proceeds to fully come out to me. having told me that she was bi at about the age of 16, and now admitting that she is trans as well and didnt know how to explain it back then.

Now im stuck and feel like crap. I am so used to this being she, her. and all of it is now flipped on me. i was not expecting this from him. he has since explained to me a lot about what he has gone threw in life that i had not known about until this point, and offers to be there for me so that i wouldnt have to feel the rejection that he felt growing up. I will admit that i can now understand why it is soooo hard for our friends and family to be able to use the pronouns that we prefer. i am constantly having to remind myself that he is no longer the she that i grew up with.

i guess that the thing that really gets me is that i now know what it feels like from both side of the fence, having to accept a loved one that is transitioning as well as just starting to transition my self. and on top of all of this i now feel even closer to this cousin than i ever did when we were growing up. and i really do want to be there for him in any way that i can.

I just feel really confused now. and im really anxious for my transition. I just could not seem to get any of this off my mind the past few days. i am also planning to talk with him in the next couple of days when he has time to, that way i can try and figure this out and see what he thinks about it.

Thanks for reading this and letting me get it out there.

Brittany Marie

[Guest]

Sounds like youtwo can help each other through these times! And that's pretty nice for the both of you...

[Charlize]

I remember having trouble with pronouns with a dear friend and i'm sure i hurt him more than once. I often felt guilty but now i seem to experience the same hurts as others "slip". My experience has taught me to have more tolerance when those mistakes happen. I'm part of a society that has hard wired one of two genders from birth to death. I've got to forgive others and myself as well. Time helps with the rewiring.

Hugs,

Charlize

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Brittany,

My best friend Jennifer is trans, and after I came out it took her a while to be consistent in gendering me correctly, heck she kept messing up occasionally until a couple of weeks after I went full time. It is really great to be close to someone else who is transitioning. My boyfriend and I are both transitioning, and this makes for a very understanding relationship. You and your cousin will be able to give help, and support to each other, and that is just plain groovy!

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest Marcie]

Uhhhh........actually Brittany, and please forgive me for saying this honey but I would say you are in rather beautiful predicament. I only wish that I had a family member or close friend to lean on who is transitioning as well. What a wonderful thought. I'm not trying to be insensitive but it's just how I see it from the outside. Who knows, if I were in your high heels, I might see it different. Keep your spirits up girlffiend, we're here for you. Welcome to Laura's Playground!

Kindest,

Marcie

[Guest BrittanyMarie]

thank you so much for the kind words everyone.

I know that I am in a very rare and lucky situation. what friends that i have are very accepting, my co-workers are doing everything that they can to help me. HR is doing there best to help me transition on the job without causing any problems. and on top of all of that i have my cousin.

I guess the thing that has really been bothering me about all this is that, I had prepared myself to loose everyone in my life. i had gotten ready for the worst. and now that everything is going so smooth. and i am getting the support that i thought i would never get, I think im just worried now about it all being too good to be true. Thats the way it really feels to me right now. that i am in all of this and it is all going soo right that i must be dreaming.

I guess teh best thing for me right now is to just sit back and enjoy the ride while all is going so good. sooner or later the way i see it, the people that are just putting on a facade will either just walk away or prove that to me. and the people that truly care about me will still be there and still want to see me happy. Only time i guess will truly tell.

At least for now things are really looking up for me and i plan to just role with it and enjoy every minute that i possibly can.