Non-binary and relationships

[Guest NeutraLee]

So, since last fall when I was posting more and sorting through things, I've gotten into a relationship. It's a good one, it's heterosexual, and I'm the female in the relationship (FAAB non binary).

While I still feel very much in the middle, being in a relationship has shifted me back over the line to the more female side of things. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

He's really good with my non-girly-girl status. He's pretty understanding about my feeling "in the middle." He's fine with me wearing men's clothes and we even share wardrobes a bit, which is handy. He'll still refer to me as his "lady" sometimes, and that's okay I guess. A little weird, but okay.

The weirdest thing is my own shifting back to the female side. Sometimes I want to look feminine for him. For him, not for me. I'm not wearing bras that strap me down. It's good to have someone think you're sexy, and this is what he considers sexy, so I do it, and it's mostly okay, but a little strange.

Maybe it's okay to be in the middle and shift back and forth. Maybe I'm gender fluid. I think I'm just smack dab in the middle of things and can go either way. I guess it's easier socially if I stick to the side I was born with, so maybe this is better.

I know if I were single again, I would shift back slightly over the line to the more masculine side of things, but maybe this will be the status quo for a while. Either way, I'm really glad I explored all this and learned more about the androgyny and about that hazy line that I sit on top of, half way in between.

Anyway, I'm just rambling and I guess throwing an update out into the universe. Thanks.

[Guest]

I think you have achieved the best of both worlds! Be what you are, when you are and don't feel guilty at the time! Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest NeutraLee]

Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I'm in a much better place now, and I think I can handle a weirdness in exchange for all I've gained.

[Michelle 2010]

Hmm... Haven't posted in quite a while as life continues to change in every level- spiritual, emotional and physical... The OP is my story today as well. The coming out, presenting fully female, losses and gains that resulted etc. the pendulum has shifted back since I entered into a relationship and new marriage. My male side doesn't create the old dysphoria and a balance has been reached. Androgynous apparel, lifestyle, jewelry, very light makeup, etc provide the relief I need. Long hair and earrings no longer turn heads in our world so I can "man up" when needed. The wife rekindled physical pleasures dormant for a very long time. Sometimes it's Fabio on the outside and Rita on the inside lol! Life continues to be a mystery and I've come to accept it. I know I am in love with a lady who knows who I am and loves me. It was a surprise to have the physicality of maleness reawakened but it works because I can tap into both the yin and the yang openly. Best wishes to all on this non binary journey.

[Guest]

Happy Holidays Michelle and a warm welcome Home! Hug. JodyAnn