FTM Dating?

[Guest]

Being a FTM, how has everyone handled dating?? I haven't dated in 7 years already, being uncomfortable with being considered a woman. How does one handle dating?? I am still very much attracted to the male body, will that continue when they or if they continue T treatment? I am having a hard time finding trans support groups here in Spartanburg,SC or they seem to be well hid.

[Guest Christina200]

I found after starting hrt my sex drive initially just disappeared then suddenly after about 7 months I became attracted to men. That has only got stronger over the last month. I definitely see women in a completely different light now compared to when I was a man. This is absolutely down to the hormones.

Good luck with your dating whichever 'type' of body you chose! lol

Chrissy x

[Flint]

Some are adamant that their sexuality changed on testosterone. So far I haven't observed any (that I can remember) ftm's who liked men before going straight (liking women) on T. But I have observed some trans guys supposedly change on T from liking women to liking men.... Which brings me to this question, does testosterone really change people's sexuality or is it simply a case of denial about liking men (like a lot gay men experience) and when they go on testosterone becoming more comfortable with the idea? I don't know. I'm very cautious to say that testosterone does not change your sexuality just because I don't have any evidence other than my own anecdotal evidence.... But I do err on the side of believing it's not true that people suddenly change their sexuality on testosterone.

As for dating and being ftm, I'm no help there, I simply don't date.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I've been struggling with this too. I haven't started on T but I think I pass on for a guy, at least usually everyone calls me a guy. But I don't know what I'd do when dating, I haven't been dating for 4 years now. It feels like I'd be lying to them, like they expect me to be a man under the clothes but I'm not... And how would people react to that, it's terrifying to think they would find out and they would refuse to see me anymore or they would be disappointed by it. I don't know how people take it... I like both men and women, always have, and I just try to stay away from all the people cus I don't know what would be their reaction to the truth. And if you are in a relationship and care for someone you should be honest...

it's a struggle

Personally, I would think it depends on how much they love you. But I will admit that if they find out you're trans, it might be the only thing they see. But from your side (and this will be the very line I use if someone ever confronts me about it) "What would you do in my situation? I like you too much to risk our relationship over something as silly and trivial as me so happening to be trans." - That's just my opinion, though.

Being a FTM, how has everyone handled dating?? I haven't dated in 7 years already, being uncomfortable with being considered a woman. How does one handle dating?? I am still very much attracted to the male body, will that continue when they or if they continue T treatment? I am having a hard time finding trans support groups here in Spartanburg,SC or they seem to be well hid.

As for this, sexuality is a very weird thing. I was told by the nurse that my sex drive would drop to zero ... OR it would skyrocket because I was finally starting to produce my gender's hormones (I'm only on T-blockers). It's been the latter. I've noticed that the specifics of my sexual interests have become even more iron clad then before.

At least for now, I'm Bi. Perhaps a bit moreso then before because I felt a bit ashamed of liking male genitalia when I was perceived as a male. I'm blaming the fact that I wasn't conceived as a female, and sticking to that!

[StephanieVikingGirl]

FTM dating can work, for instance my boyfriend is FTM, and we have a fine relationship. I think sexual orientation does get kinda complicated when trans folk are involved, by that I mean that before I started transition, I usually had relationships that (in retrospect) were lesbian, but once I was on HRT it became apparent that I am a hetero girl. I will see if Alex will post a comment on this thread himself.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Guest Des]

I've been trying to re-enter dating myself. I have a new crush and I'm hopeful because she's bi but the forced confidence I had to put on for a front just isn't there anymore. I'm not on HRT yet but my brain is feeling like it. For me that's a on track mind where I feel like I have to avoid looking at women to not objectify them. Maybe we all just need to take a breath and only do what feels like it doesn't damage us and learn through experience. I definitely hope that included someone to share my life with.

[Guest Plant7120]

I've just heard, maybe its a rumor that since I am trans masculine, also I love the male body. That fitting into the gay world might be difficult and is difficult for many, Since I don't have the right body parts as of yet, nor look male. Yet, I want to steer clear of those that just want to play, and not respect who I am as trans masculine. I've been single for so long I tend to be very cautious already.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I've been trying to re-enter dating myself. I have a new crush and I'm hopeful because she's bi but the forced confidence I had to put on for a front just isn't there anymore. I'm not on HRT yet but my brain is feeling like it. For me that's a on track mind where I feel like I have to avoid looking at women to not objectify them. Maybe we all just need to take a breath and only do what feels like it doesn't damage us and learn through experience. I definitely hope that included someone to share my life with.

I can relate to this Des. There was a time well before T-blockers that I would have slower facial hair growth. Which I've confirmed is a production of less Testosterone. Magnificent things, hormones?

And yes, I will definitely say that women have significantly changed their attitude towards me. Before, women would either just look at me (which yes, I know why now), or ignore me entirely. Nowadays, they'll smile or even say Hi. I don't know how you're perceived, but if a woman doesn't know you, she MIGHT not be open to talking to a stranger. Safety reasons, you know?

I've just heard, maybe its a rumor that since I am trans masculine, also I love the male body. That fitting into the gay world might be difficult and is difficult for many, Since I don't have the right body parts as of yet, nor look male. Yet, I want to steer clear of those that just want to play, and not respect who I am as trans masculine. I've been single for so long I tend to be very cautious already.

I'm no expert on gay men, but I will say that they can be some of the best people ever. Most of the males I know are gay and we have this great platonic relationship. Don't hold me to this, but you're PROBABLY less likely to get assaulted by a gay man for being trans. Definitely don't compromise your safety, but I find gay men to be a LOT more accepting of everything. Especially being trans.

Kayla <3

[Flint]

I've been trying to re-enter dating myself. I have a new crush and I'm hopeful because she's bi but the forced confidence I had to put on for a front just isn't there anymore. I'm not on HRT yet but my brain is feeling like it. For me that's a on track mind where I feel like I have to avoid looking at women to not objectify them. Maybe we all just need to take a breath and only do what feels like it doesn't damage us and learn through experience. I definitely hope that included someone to share my life with.

I can relate to this Des. There was a time well before T-blockers that I would have slower facial hair growth. Which I've confirmed is a production of less Testosterone. Magnificent things, hormones?

And yes, I will definitely say that women have significantly changed their attitude towards me. Before, women would either just look at me (which yes, I know why now), or ignore me entirely. Nowadays, they'll smile or even say Hi. I don't know how you're perceived, but if a woman doesn't know you, she MIGHT not be open to talking to a stranger. Safety reasons, you know?

I've just heard, maybe its a rumor that since I am trans masculine, also I love the male body. That fitting into the gay world might be difficult and is difficult for many, Since I don't have the right body parts as of yet, nor look male. Yet, I want to steer clear of those that just want to play, and not respect who I am as trans masculine. I've been single for so long I tend to be very cautious already.

I'm no expert on gay men, but I will say that they can be some of the best people ever. Most of the males I know are gay and we have this great platonic relationship. Don't hold me to this, but you're PROBABLY less likely to get assaulted by a gay man for being trans. Definitely don't compromise your safety, but I find gay men to be a LOT more accepting of everything. Especially being trans.

Kayla <3

I've found it to be a bit of both. There are though from what I've noticed a lot of gay men and women alike, who have massive problems with transsexuals and the trans community as a whole. But likewise i've also come across some gay people who are fine or neautral about it.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

I did a bit of research for you on the online game I play. Now I'm not sure how accurately these views reflect everywhere, but this is how I hear it.

In regards to dating:

"I think it would be a bit difficult sexually because an ftm doesn't have the equipment that a cis-male has. But for romantics, I don't see why not"

In regards to assault:

"Why would anyone assault anyone in the first place?" "Hell's freakin no!" "Why would you even ask that?"

... I think you and I both get the messege

All in all, I think that it doesn't matter romantically to the homosexual male community. But sexually, it seems to matter. Hopefully toys will do

Kayla <3

[Guest Clyde Lee]

HRT didn't change my orientation at all. I always considered myself male as far back as I can remember, and was aware of attraction to other guys since kindergarten at least.

I've heard of a lot of transmen becoming bi- or pan- after starting HRT, and some guys who were formerly attracted only to women suddenly focusing on men, but never heard of any gay guys going straight.

Dating can be difficult, you have to be pretty thick-skinned and able to handle rejection (even more so than cis folks). I've run into some men who're attracted to me until they found out I'm trans, then they're like "ew, no thanks". But many more have been willing to look past that, and some don't care at all. My biggest barrier is just being comfortable enough with myself, and being able to communicate what's okay and what's not. I'm sober now, and not particulary interested in being in a serious relationship, and casual sex without mind-altering substances is just too super awkward for me.

[Guest Raging Shadow]

I'm gay and until this year had never been on a date. I'm 19, 5 years on T, 4 years post top surgery. We dated for 6 weeks, a friend of mine died and I couldn't deal with that and being in a relatuionship so I ended it. I came out to him on the 3rd night we spent together because it was either tell him or he would discover it himself. He didn't care and the topic never came up again. He was very respectful of my boundries, always stopped when I indicted I didn't want him touching somewhere, and was very concerned that I was okay with what I did to him.

Great first dating experience.

[Guest Plant7120]

Since I am transmale, men seem to look at me as a woman still. Voice wise, face, and body still give it away I am still Pre T, so I guess I had better wait awhile and try to be patient.