A warm hello from a new member

[CiCi_73]

Hello everyone,

I've spent some time reading a few threads and now feel I'd like to put myself out here. I am 51, I have been cross dressing since I can remember (as early as 10 yo maybe), but I've lived in denial until very recently. I've come to learn, from reading different threads here on the forum, that this is not unusual -- to go through cycles of dressing, followed by a metric ton of guilt, shame, self hatred, and the cycle then repeats. Sometimes it was sexual, sometimes not. Nowadays, it's just about being a girl.

I only recently came out to my SO of 13 years. This hasn't made my life easier. No one else knows (except all of you, now). At times, I feel almost crushed by the loneliness. But now that I've accepted that this is a part of me, I am starting to let it have its way. And in some small measure I've found some peace in that.

I don't mean to be a "Debbie Downer," but this is where I'm at. I don't know if I am more than CD, I really love being dressed and I've always been that shy, sensitive guy who never found it easy to be "one of the guys." All I know is I feel truly alive when I can be "en femme." My SO is trying to be understanding, and I sometimes don't feel I deserve it.

Anyway, thanks for this place. Thanks for listening. Thanks to everyone else who is here, I hope to find some solace in our shared experiences.

I feel like I've died a thousand deaths before I lived for the first time.

Love to all,

Courtney (CiCi)

[Guest Raya]

Courtney, a warm welcome to you!

Talk about shared experiences, take your first paragraph, change the age to 52, and you told my story!

Future wise I'm on a different track, and that's ok; I like to hang out with all my new friends here.

[Guest Tamar]

Welcome Courtney.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Courtney. You have it pretty much right as far as experiences and feelings in common with many of us. Some of us who thought we were CDers found later that we were transsexual, but many more are just CDers, enjoying both worlds, and letting their feminine side see the light of day. I'm glad you're getting more comfortable with the idea, and I hope that things stabilize with your S/O and so it doesn't become a major distraction in your relationship.

Please do participate as much as you feel comfortable, hon. Many of our CDers are not very active, and that's understandable. But it is always nice to share, and your voices are important here. I do ask our new members to please read the site Terms and Conditions, as they help us keep the site safe. A link to the rules is found at the lower right of every page.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's.

I spent the vast majority of my life in that spin of dressing , guilt, denial and shame. I wish i could say that all is perfect now but i still get twinges of guilt even years after becoming honest about my gender. That may always be the case for me but i am also much happier than i have ever been. I am also finding some peace and i never thought that would be a possibility. Laura's and the others i shared so much with here have helped a great deal. Simply knowing i am not alone is important. I'm glad you have joined us.

Hugs,

Charlize

[gennee]

Hello Courtney and welcome to Laura's.

[CiCi_73]

Thanks, everyone! I'm so glad you all are here. I feel such a relief having a place to be honest and truly myself.

Courtney

[Guest Opal]

Welcome to Laura's Courtney! Hope you will check in whenever you can.

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest honeynocturnal]

Welcome Courtney!

Congratulations on having found the courage to tell your partner, that is a huge hurdle to cross. Being honest with the ones you love is such a relief once you have actually managed to do it!

Loneliness is a terrible burden on the soul. Please express yourself, and read some of the fascinating stories this site has to offer. It's a huge help!

<3,

{--- Lunara ---}