The pink fog is lifting

[Guest]

After a number of months of seemingly ever increasing intensity in my feminine self the pink fog is lifting. I recently realized a couple of things about my dressing which had been unclear and were previously worrying me:

- I am pretty much a traditional CD, not seeking full time transition.

- I enjoy my male aspects too and do not feel like a female trapped in a male body.

- While gender fluid I'm not gay

- I enjoy some bi fantasies (being made love to as a woman) when wearing but they are fantasies I do not wish to explore in the real world.

- My relationship is the most significant source of meaning, love and pleasure in my life and will always be my highest priority. I will remain monogamous.

- I started wearing again, progressing to full dressing, as a way to comfort myself after some some frightening medical events a few months ago. I am exploring if there are other ways to trigger the same level of comfort and relief from stress and fear.

I continue to under dress for now but do not feel the compulsions I had been. I wear more comfortable hi cut cotton /spandex briefs than thongs or lacy nylon intimates. I am not purging and feel good about some of my recent acquisitions (long wig, breast forms, cute dresses and shoes) but am not so inclined to look for every opportunity to dress up and play, just happy to have them on the shelf.

Not sure where I am going with all this but it is nice to feel a little more relaxed about the whole thing. I'll be good if the pink cloud lifts permanently or drifts down for a little more intense time in femme land again.

I appreciate all the help and support this forum has provided me while going through a rather intense exploration. I hope I can return some of the compassion, understanding and support.

Love,

Erica

[Guest Raya]

Very cool, Erica, I've glad you are in a comfy and accepting place

And I second what you said:

I appreciate all the help and support this forum has provided me while going through a rather intense exploration. I hope I can return some of the compassion, understanding and support.

[Guest]

It is wonderful that you have a clearer understanding of yourself. As it looses some of the mystery and power the rough edges polish off. It then can be a gem in your jewelry box. Just one other small thing that gives you your sparkle! Hug. JodyAnn

[CiCi_73]

Hi Erica,

I agree with you, having some clarity is nice. I think a common thread I see amongst us CDers is our intense pleasure when we are dressed and how much it just feels right. Now that I have the freedom at home to dress I am pretty much always fully in it from the time I get home (provided I don't have to do any "out" errands in the evening) until I have to leave the next day. And I don't always find it necessary to go all out with the makeup and a party dress, but otherwise I am totally en femme (wig, breast forms, etc). And I am so happy.

And yes, it doesn't mean I desire sex with men, or want to be a woman full time, or that I want to look slutty, or anything. I just enjoy being myself (Courtney). I've come to see "the other guy" as my Hulk -- he comes out when I need him to in order to deal with a world that can't accept CDers. But, when I'm finally safe, the other guy goes away and I can be me again.

And I third the statement "I appreciate all the help and support this forum has provided me while going through a rather intense exploration. I hope I can return some of the compassion, understanding and support." Very well stated.

Love to all,

Courtney