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Hi! I'm An Adult Child Of A Trans


Guest chele

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Guest chele

Hi!

I grew up in a blue collar part of the midwest and my Dad has been a cross dresser since before I was born. I had to keep his secret and still do somewhat. It's very closed minded in the midwest. We loved and accepted him as who he was and it's always been more of a protective concern then a shame based secret. Judgements and hate crimes are still prominant.

He is much more open about it since he lives in a bigger city now and he and my Mom divorced when I was 16 due to other issues between them.

He at one point was taking hormones and started to get some boobs, but he stopped because of the expense and other health issues developed. My question is what to call him these days, besides just Dad I mean. The labels are so mystifying to me.

Some of my gay friends are even kinda rude about trannies. Whats up with that? My Dad looks feminine, but still goes by his male name, still does male oriented labor jobs, but wears more feminine clothes everywhere, then still full on cross dresses with makeup and all at night.

He claims his sexual preference is women, tho he is my father and he's private with certain issues as far as all this goes. Our communication is poor, but I want to understand him better and whats this all about and talk to other children of trans because I know I'm not unique or alone in this, I cant be. I'm 37 tho and haven't met anyone with the same background as mine...yet.

So here I am, looking for answers, similarities, experiences, and knowledge.

throw some my way!

I look forward to being a part of this board/site.

Chele

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Guest Little Sara

Hi and welcome Chele,

Well, I don't have any trans family member and transitioned fairly young (almost 24) with little issue (regarding health or cost, save for surgery...).

Not to be rude, but the term "trannies" is a pejorative and rarely used positively at all. It's like "sweetheart" or "sissy" in that way.

Male-oriented labor jobs are not limited to men. Women can be truck drivers, construction workers and miners - and still be women and be feminine and such. That shouldn't mean much at all, though it might explain why transition has been less urgent for your dad - less repression of expression. That's a pretty plausible theory anyways. It works with me too, never was masculine, couldn't even convince someone I was masculine if I tried, so it was urgent and a life/death issue pretty young for me.

Being a cross-dresser is said to affect about 10% of men. Some might really be transsexual, but numbers on that are not forthcoming. The best is to ask the individual.

Sexual preference has nothing to do with gender expression, those are two different things. Well, in a way it *could* have to do with it (people tend to dress to woo the people they are interested in somewhat), but that's just a tendency. Just as there are androgyne asexual people, there are very gendered ones, who nevertheless don't want anyone to 'hit on them'. So, in short, being a cross-dresser doesn't mean a thing for sexual orientation.

I'm very very feminine, yet I'm pansexual. It's only because I'm more romantically attracted to men that I consider them more (my style also attracts more men than women, I'll admit).

I hope you learn more, about yourself, about your dad. Btw, for pronoun/name usage, in private or in public (or one for each) you should ask the one concerned, and make it clear that anything they prefer would be fine. It probably would mean a lot to him if he has any stake in it.

You might want to ask your dad to join on here if he's interested.

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Guest Elizabeth K

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

You need to speak with my grown children, although I am transsexual rather than a cross dresser. It's not perfect, but they accept me. I know it can be hard on them sometimes, but we live in a fairly tolerant are in the USA - New Orleans.

It is rare to have children of gender dysphoric here. I suggest looking around and asking some questions. YOU MAY WANT TO POST SOME TOPICS AS WELL. WE TRY TO HELP EACH OTHER, AND THAT INCLUDES THE FAMILY - oops sorry caps were on. When you get your 5 postings in feel free to PM me and I will gladly talk with you on this.

Lizzy

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Hi Chele and welcome, i think this is maybe a first where i can actually offer the virtual refreshments and a goodie cart. I'm sure others will be around shortly with answers to your questions.

I am a MtF, 57 years old so i'm around your dads age all i can say is sit down and talk, be honest about your feelings for him.

As to what to call him, ask what he prefers dad or her feminine name if she has one.

Paula.

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Guest chele
Hi and welcome Chele,

Well, I don't have any trans family member and transitioned fairly young (almost 24) with little issue (regarding health or cost, save for surgery...).

Not to be rude, but the term "trannies" is a pejorative and rarely used positively at all. It's like "sweetheart" or "sissy" in that way.

Male-oriented labor jobs are not limited to men. Women can be truck drivers, construction workers and miners - and still be women and be feminine and such. That shouldn't mean much at all, though it might explain why transition has been less urgent for your dad - less repression of expression. That's a pretty plausible theory anyways. It works with me too, never was masculine, couldn't even convince someone I was masculine if I tried, so it was urgent and a life/death issue pretty young for me.

Being a cross-dresser is said to affect about 10% of men. Some might really be transsexual, but numbers on that are not forthcoming. The best is to ask the individual.

Sexual preference has nothing to do with gender expression, those are two different things. Well, in a way it *could* have to do with it (people tend to dress to woo the people they are interested in somewhat), but that's just a tendency. Just as there are androgyne asexual people, there are very gendered ones, who nevertheless don't want anyone to 'hit on them'. So, in short, being a cross-dresser doesn't mean a thing for sexual orientation.

I'm very very feminine, yet I'm pansexual. It's only because I'm more romantically attracted to men that I consider them more (my style also attracts more men than women, I'll admit).

I hope you learn more, about yourself, about your dad. Btw, for pronoun/name usage, in private or in public (or one for each) you should ask the one concerned, and make it clear that anything they prefer would be fine. It probably would mean a lot to him if he has any stake in it.

You might want to ask your dad to join on here if he's interested.

WOW! You're really cool and VERY helpful! Thanks so much for your thoughts. Sorry about the 'Transgender' termanology. No offense EVER meant. Thanks for telling me. I'm discussing this with the little knowledge I have openly in a forum for the first time. it's a bit weird for me, but I'm grateful for the chance and technology. My own personal experience is all I've had until now.. So I'm here to learn how to talk to my Dad more openly about his lifestyle. I used to be able to speak to him more openly 15 yrs ago, but the older he gets (he's in his upper 60's) the less he talks about his private matters. Like for instance, I am almost certain he was part of a hate crime around 6 years ago, but he wouldn't admit it to me. I could just tell and someone beat him up very badly. That said, he hides alot from me so as to protect me from the horrible realities he faces because of who he is.

I suppose certain matters are not my biz, but I care and just want to be aware of others circumstances so I can try to understand his. I wish he grew up now. It would've been easier for him. Yes, I agree that I should just talk to him about the classification he considers himself to be. I also meant no slight about the male/female oriented jobs, but he grew up in a time when men mostly did heavy manual labor intensive jobs. He didn't work with women unless they were in the office until the late 80's....

You say ur "pansexual"? is that bi? also if your androgenous is that bi? I'm a bit confused...obviously.

anyway, thank you for your help, wisdom, explinations and advice. (:

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Guest chele
WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

You need to speak with my grown children, although I am transsexual rather than a cross dresser. It's not perfect, but they accept me. I know it can be hard on them sometimes, but we live in a fairly tolerant are in the USA - New Orleans.

It is rare to have children of gender dysphoric here. I suggest looking around and asking some questions. YOU MAY WANT TO POST SOME TOPICS AS WELL. WE TRY TO HELP EACH OTHER, AND THAT INCLUDES THE FAMILY - oops sorry caps were on. When you get your 5 postings in feel free to PM me and I will gladly talk with you on this.

Lizzy

yes I have an "Aunt P" thats transsexua who has been friends with my Dad and Mom since I was young. I love her dearly. She was a great friend to both my parents and the first transsexual I've ever known. Beautiful lady. I'd love to talk to your kids. I guess it's just that, for me, I love my Dad with all my heart and want to understand and love him for who he is...but society is quite uncompassionate about situations they don't understand and therefore fear. Because I have this built in PROTECT device when it comes to him, I haven't sought out other in similar sitchies before. The older he gets tho, the more I want to heal any difficulties between us. I agree if we help each other and talk about life and life choices then it'll be best for everyone. This board gives me hope that in this day and age, more change and acceptance is coming.

Anyway, yes, I'd love to "pm" you, but dunno what that exactly means?

xo

THANK YOU VERY MUCH (:

Chele

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Guest Elizabeth K
yes I have an "Aunt P" thats transsexua who has been friends with my Dad and Mom since I was young. I love her dearly. She was a great friend to both my parents and the first transsexual I've ever known. Beautiful lady. I'd love to talk to your kids. I guess it's just that, for me, I love my Dad with all my heart and want to understand and love him for who he is...but society is quite uncompassionate about situations they don't understand and therefore fear. Because I have this built in PROTECT device when it comes to him, I haven't sought out other in similar sitchies before. The older he gets tho, the more I want to heal any difficulties between us. I agree if we help each other and talk about life and life choices then it'll be best for everyone. This board gives me hope that in this day and age, more change and acceptance is coming.

Anyway, yes, I'd love to "pm" you, but dunno what that exactly means?

xo

THANK YOU VERY MUCH (:

Chele

ooops

PM means private message. After you have 5 or more postings you are allowed to PM anyone. You would pick on your name whch will take you to 'profile" and pick on '0 new messages at the top right, then type in my name until Elizabeth K comes up, put in a title, then write a text message, then send.

I will get a message that you have sent a PM and will open it and respond. It isn't quick like chat, but it is private.

Hope that helps.

Lizzy

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Guest chele
Hi Chele and welcome, i think this is maybe a first where i can actually offer the virtual refreshments and a goodie cart. I'm sure others will be around shortly with answers to your questions.

I am a MtF, 57 years old so i'm around your dads age all i can say is sit down and talk, be honest about your feelings for him.

As to what to call him, ask what he prefers dad or her feminine name if she has one.

Paula.

Thxs for the goodie offerings! (: Yes, I know his/her names and we really have discussed his life choices. I guess talking to kids like myself might be the best thing for me. I'm not sure what I need except to gain knowledge from your experiences since my Dad is pretty private. Talking to different people here seems like a great start though. I don't live in the same state as my Pop anymore and getting him on the phone is almost impossible. He's never been a good communicator and hides from difficulties, so I guess thats why I'm here. If he and I cant talk, I want to know there are other people with similar circumstances I can speak/type with. I need to know I'm not alone. (:

Thxs,

C

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Guest chele
It's not like "sweetheart", but see, the filter doesn't like that word. It's the F-word for gays.

Oh YUK!!!! Horrid. Sorry bout that....

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Guest chele
Welcome, Chele!

We'll try to help as much as possible. It's great that you are so open and understanding about everything.

Well thanks...I was raised to be no other way...it breaks my heart that others weren't, but hopefully that can, will, and is changing...xo

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Welcome Chele,

I am sorry that I'm so late but tonight was my jazz band practice and a taco dinner afterword so I'm just getting here.

I'm glad that Paula brought out the refreshments - I usually do that but I'm just here all of the time. :D

I am a 57 year old MTF (where have you seen that before - Oh, Paula!) about to stat on hormones but I don't have any children or parents that were trans so I can't help a lot there but I can so my best if you have questions.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest ~Brenda~

Hi Chele,

Welcome my dear to Laura's!! I simply suggest that your father also joins us!! Your father is clearly gender gifted!! I deplore you to have your father see a gender therapist!! You must know, you and your father cannot do this on your own!! I tried, and eventually knew that I cannot. That is why I joined Laura's myself!

Talk and communication is very important now!!

LOL

bernie

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Guest chele
Welcome Chele,

I am sorry that I'm so late but tonight was my jazz band practice and a taco dinner afterword so I'm just getting here.

I'm glad that Paula brought out the refreshments - I usually do that but I'm just here all of the time. :D

I am a 57 year old MTF (where have you seen that before - Oh, Paula!) about to stat on hormones but I don't have any children or parents that were trans so I can't help a lot there but I can so my best if you have questions.

Love ya,

Sally

Sally,

Jazz band? Awesome! what instrument do you play? Also, not to be naive, but I am, whats MTF...? i think male to female? want to be sure tho....thats my only ? for now I suppose.... Thanks for the warm welcome..feel at home here. (:

xo

C

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Sally,

Jazz band? Awesome! what instrument do you play? Also, not to be naive, but I am, whats MTF...? i think male to female? want to be sure tho....thats my only ? for now I suppose.... Thanks for the warm welcome..feel at home here. (:

xo

C

I'm the lead trumpet and jazz soloist on trumpet and flugelhorn in a 22 piece big band.

You're correct, MTF is a quick way to indicate a transsexual with a male body transitioning to a female body.

I'm so glad you feel comfortable her, we are a friendly group and we support each other very well.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Little Sara
WOW! You're really cool and VERY helpful! Thanks so much for your thoughts. Sorry about the 'Transgender' termanology. No offense EVER meant. Thanks for telling me. I'm discussing this with the little knowledge I have openly in a forum for the first time. it's a bit weird for me, but I'm grateful for the chance and technology. My own personal experience is all I've had until now.. So I'm here to learn how to talk to my Dad more openly about his lifestyle. I used to be able to speak to him more openly 15 yrs ago, but the older he gets (he's in his upper 60's) the less he talks about his private matters. Like for instance, I am almost certain he was part of a hate crime around 6 years ago, but he wouldn't admit it to me. I could just tell and someone beat him up very badly. That said, he hides alot from me so as to protect me from the horrible realities he faces because of who he is.

I suppose certain matters are not my biz, but I care and just want to be aware of others circumstances so I can try to understand his. I wish he grew up now. It would've been easier for him. Yes, I agree that I should just talk to him about the classification he considers himself to be. I also meant no slight about the male/female oriented jobs, but he grew up in a time when men mostly did heavy manual labor intensive jobs. He didn't work with women unless they were in the office until the late 80's....

You say ur "pansexual"? is that bi? also if your androgenous is that bi? I'm a bit confused...obviously.

anyway, thank you for your help, wisdom, explinations and advice. (:

Pansexual is attracted to everyone including trans or intersex or genderqueer people - ie including people outside the binary.

Androgeny is a state of being between masculinity or feminity, or between male and female identity wise. It's got nothing to do with sexual orientation. It's usually characterized by someone trying to adopt a most-neutral kind of style that passes as either confusing between the lines of male or female, or that is counter to the gender someone present as.

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Guest Elizabeth K

Chele

Laura's has a section that includes definitions that might help you out. Look at the home page under Frequently Asked Questions

Lizzy

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Guest mia 1
Pansexual is attracted to everyone including trans or intersex or genderqueer people - ie including people outside the binary.

Androgeny is a state of being between masculinity or feminity, or between male and female identity wise. It's got nothing to do with sexual orientation. It's usually characterized by someone trying to adopt a most-neutral kind of style that passes as either confusing between the lines of male or female, or that is counter to the gender someone present as.

Excelllent answer Little Sara you're cetainly not little in the well versed and educated d'ept. here is what I found on google to help chele......... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer .chele just click on the undelined URl and this will embelish Little Sara's excellent analysis

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    • Sally Stone
      Post 12   “First Kiss”   It was October 29th, 2003.  My dear friend Willa had purchased tickets for the two of us to attend “Red Hot Halloween,” a public Halloween party held at the Sanctuary in downtown Pittsburgh.  The event was a fund raiser benefitting the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force.  It was a great cause but it was also the perfect opportunity to let the adventurous side of my feminine persona have a little fun.    My first question to Willa was: “What should I wear?”    “Are you kidding?” She responded.  “This is your opportunity to be the Sally of your dreams.  I suggest you dress to impress.”   My first thought was to dress naughty.  It was Halloween, so it could be the perfect venue for something with an erotic edge to it.  I thought about going as a dominatrix or a naughty French maid.  After we talked about it, and weighed the pros and cons, Willa and I decided against naughty, and instead, chose to wear the fanciest evening gowns we could find.  Willa bought an expensive, silver sequined gown, and matching high-heels just for the event.  Me, on the other hand, I couldn’t justify spending big bucks on an evening gown for a single event, so I took a less expensive route.  It is amazing what you can find on the sale racks at big department stores when you look hard enough.  For a mere 30-dollars, I found a black, sleeveless column gown with matching bolero jacket.  The dress had a slit up the right leg, and it went all the way to my upper thigh, very sexy.  Being a column dress, it was form-fitting, and hugged my curves like a glove.  To complement my dress, I wore black patent high-heel pumps, a long blonde wig, and a set of long red fingernails.  As I recall, it took me three-hours just to do my makeup.  The end result, though, was worth the effort, because I felt like a million bucks.  It’s so obvious, why girls love dressing up – it’s an unbelievable high!   Inside the club it was a sea of bodies and the costumes were amazing.  At one point, I was standing on a balcony that overlooked the dance floor.  I was nursing a cocktail and watching the crowd.  Suddenly, there was a gentleman standing next to me; I didn’t notice his approach.  He told me I looked fabulous and he offered to buy me another drink.  I declined his drink offer, but we struck up a conversation.  Being a little slow, it took me a while to realize he was hitting on me. I never imagined anyone would ever actually be attracted to Sally, which I think contributed to my cluelessness.  So, I was shocked, and initially, a little creeped out as well.  After all, I wasn't into guys, and this was new to me.  As we continued talking, and he kept throwing accolades my way, I went from being uncomfortable to actually being flattered.    The event, being an AIDS fund raiser, had me assuming this guy was hitting on me because he was gay, and he thought I was, as well.  I wanted to set the record straight, so I casually mentioned that I wasn’t gay.  To my amazement, he responded by saying: “neither am I.”  Okay, now what was I supposed to do?  I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want to send the wrong message either.  While I was trying to decide how to tell him I wasn’t interested, he asked if he could kiss me.  Not sure what I was thinking at that moment, I said “okay.”  He kissed me, and as strange as it was, I gave into it, not pulling away or disengaging.  It wasn’t a super passionate kiss, but it was more than a friendly peck on the lips, and I actually enjoyed it.  When we separated; however, I got the sense his passion had cooled.  I could only assume that my response to his kiss sent some kind of message that I wasn’t interested.    Whatever it was he picked up on, it let me off the hook, and I didn’t have to rebuff any further advances.  For this I was grateful, but at the same time, I was actually a little disappointed.  Clearly, I wasn’t going to lead him on, but it was so gratifying to know I had sparked his interest.  Despite his diminished passion, and his obvious realization I wasn’t going to be his girl, he remained the perfect gentleman.  We chatted for a few minutes more, then he gave me the nicest smile.  Again, he commented on how terrific I looked.  Then he added, “maybe I’ll see you later.”    It was hard for me to reconcile how I could have garnered the attention of a man.  In my mind’s eye, I knew my feminine presentation didn’t completely mask my birth sex, so why would a self-proclaimed straight guy actually be interested in me?  Had it been the only time something like this would happen, I would have chalked it up to random chance.  But it wouldn’t be the last time a man would hit on me.  It doesn’t happen often, but it still occurs more than I would have guessed, and I'm always surprised.    I have never asked, but I have always been curious to know my would-be suitor’s motivations.  Were they hitting on me simply because they happened to be fond of trans women, or was their attraction triggered by connecting with my inner woman?  And, however unlikely, did they mistake me for a cis woman?  I guess it really doesn’t matter much one way or the other, because ultimately, I’m not looking for any kind of a relationship.  However, I’d be fibbing if I said I wasn’t at least a little interested in another opportunity to get kissed.   Hugs,   Sally
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