Hi! I'm An Adult Child Of A Trans

[Guest chele]

Hi!

I grew up in a blue collar part of the midwest and my Dad has been a cross dresser since before I was born. I had to keep his secret and still do somewhat. It's very closed minded in the midwest. We loved and accepted him as who he was and it's always been more of a protective concern then a shame based secret. Judgements and hate crimes are still prominant.

He is much more open about it since he lives in a bigger city now and he and my Mom divorced when I was 16 due to other issues between them.

He at one point was taking hormones and started to get some boobs, but he stopped because of the expense and other health issues developed. My question is what to call him these days, besides just Dad I mean. The labels are so mystifying to me.

Some of my gay friends are even kinda rude about trannies. Whats up with that? My Dad looks feminine, but still goes by his male name, still does male oriented labor jobs, but wears more feminine clothes everywhere, then still full on cross dresses with makeup and all at night.

He claims his sexual preference is women, tho he is my father and he's private with certain issues as far as all this goes. Our communication is poor, but I want to understand him better and whats this all about and talk to other children of trans because I know I'm not unique or alone in this, I cant be. I'm 37 tho and haven't met anyone with the same background as mine...yet.

So here I am, looking for answers, similarities, experiences, and knowledge.

throw some my way!

I look forward to being a part of this board/site.

Chele

[Guest Little Sara]

Hi and welcome Chele,

Well, I don't have any trans family member and transitioned fairly young (almost 24) with little issue (regarding health or cost, save for surgery...).

Not to be rude, but the term "trannies" is a pejorative and rarely used positively at all. It's like "sweetheart" or "sissy" in that way.

Male-oriented labor jobs are not limited to men. Women can be truck drivers, construction workers and miners - and still be women and be feminine and such. That shouldn't mean much at all, though it might explain why transition has been less urgent for your dad - less repression of expression. That's a pretty plausible theory anyways. It works with me too, never was masculine, couldn't even convince someone I was masculine if I tried, so it was urgent and a life/death issue pretty young for me.

Being a cross-dresser is said to affect about 10% of men. Some might really be transsexual, but numbers on that are not forthcoming. The best is to ask the individual.

Sexual preference has nothing to do with gender expression, those are two different things. Well, in a way it *could* have to do with it (people tend to dress to woo the people they are interested in somewhat), but that's just a tendency. Just as there are androgyne asexual people, there are very gendered ones, who nevertheless don't want anyone to 'hit on them'. So, in short, being a cross-dresser doesn't mean a thing for sexual orientation.

I'm very very feminine, yet I'm pansexual. It's only because I'm more romantically attracted to men that I consider them more (my style also attracts more men than women, I'll admit).

I hope you learn more, about yourself, about your dad. Btw, for pronoun/name usage, in private or in public (or one for each) you should ask the one concerned, and make it clear that anything they prefer would be fine. It probably would mean a lot to him if he has any stake in it.

You might want to ask your dad to join on here if he's interested.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

You need to speak with my grown children, although I am transsexual rather than a cross dresser. It's not perfect, but they accept me. I know it can be hard on them sometimes, but we live in a fairly tolerant are in the USA - New Orleans.

It is rare to have children of gender dysphoric here. I suggest looking around and asking some questions. YOU MAY WANT TO POST SOME TOPICS AS WELL. WE TRY TO HELP EACH OTHER, AND THAT INCLUDES THE FAMILY - oops sorry caps were on. When you get your 5 postings in feel free to PM me and I will gladly talk with you on this.

Lizzy

[Paula ult]

Hi Chele and welcome, i think this is maybe a first where i can actually offer the virtual refreshments and a goodie cart. I'm sure others will be around shortly with answers to your questions.

I am a MtF, 57 years old so i'm around your dads age all i can say is sit down and talk, be honest about your feelings for him.

As to what to call him, ask what he prefers dad or her feminine name if she has one.

Paula.

[Guest Little Sara]

It's not like "sweetheart", but see, the filter doesn't like that word. It's the F-word for gays.

[Guest Jackson]

Welcome, Chele!

We'll try to help as much as possible. It's great that you are so open and understanding about everything.

[Guest chele]

Hi and welcome Chele,

Well, I don't have any trans family member and transitioned fairly young (almost 24) with little issue (regarding health or cost, save for surgery...).

Not to be rude, but the term "trannies" is a pejorative and rarely used positively at all. It's like "sweetheart" or "sissy" in that way.

Male-oriented labor jobs are not limited to men. Women can be truck drivers, construction workers and miners - and still be women and be feminine and such. That shouldn't mean much at all, though it might explain why transition has been less urgent for your dad - less repression of expression. That's a pretty plausible theory anyways. It works with me too, never was masculine, couldn't even convince someone I was masculine if I tried, so it was urgent and a life/death issue pretty young for me.

Being a cross-dresser is said to affect about 10% of men. Some might really be transsexual, but numbers on that are not forthcoming. The best is to ask the individual.

Sexual preference has nothing to do with gender expression, those are two different things. Well, in a way it *could* have to do with it (people tend to dress to woo the people they are interested in somewhat), but that's just a tendency. Just as there are androgyne asexual people, there are very gendered ones, who nevertheless don't want anyone to 'hit on them'. So, in short, being a cross-dresser doesn't mean a thing for sexual orientation.

I'm very very feminine, yet I'm pansexual. It's only because I'm more romantically attracted to men that I consider them more (my style also attracts more men than women, I'll admit).

I hope you learn more, about yourself, about your dad. Btw, for pronoun/name usage, in private or in public (or one for each) you should ask the one concerned, and make it clear that anything they prefer would be fine. It probably would mean a lot to him if he has any stake in it.

You might want to ask your dad to join on here if he's interested.

WOW! You're really cool and VERY helpful! Thanks so much for your thoughts. Sorry about the 'Transgender' termanology. No offense EVER meant. Thanks for telling me. I'm discussing this with the little knowledge I have openly in a forum for the first time. it's a bit weird for me, but I'm grateful for the chance and technology. My own personal experience is all I've had until now.. So I'm here to learn how to talk to my Dad more openly about his lifestyle. I used to be able to speak to him more openly 15 yrs ago, but the older he gets (he's in his upper 60's) the less he talks about his private matters. Like for instance, I am almost certain he was part of a hate crime around 6 years ago, but he wouldn't admit it to me. I could just tell and someone beat him up very badly. That said, he hides alot from me so as to protect me from the horrible realities he faces because of who he is.

I suppose certain matters are not my biz, but I care and just want to be aware of others circumstances so I can try to understand his. I wish he grew up now. It would've been easier for him. Yes, I agree that I should just talk to him about the classification he considers himself to be. I also meant no slight about the male/female oriented jobs, but he grew up in a time when men mostly did heavy manual labor intensive jobs. He didn't work with women unless they were in the office until the late 80's....

You say ur "pansexual"? is that bi? also if your androgenous is that bi? I'm a bit confused...obviously.

anyway, thank you for your help, wisdom, explinations and advice. (:

[Guest chele]

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

You need to speak with my grown children, although I am transsexual rather than a cross dresser. It's not perfect, but they accept me. I know it can be hard on them sometimes, but we live in a fairly tolerant are in the USA - New Orleans.

It is rare to have children of gender dysphoric here. I suggest looking around and asking some questions. YOU MAY WANT TO POST SOME TOPICS AS WELL. WE TRY TO HELP EACH OTHER, AND THAT INCLUDES THE FAMILY - oops sorry caps were on. When you get your 5 postings in feel free to PM me and I will gladly talk with you on this.

Lizzy

yes I have an "Aunt P" thats transsexua who has been friends with my Dad and Mom since I was young. I love her dearly. She was a great friend to both my parents and the first transsexual I've ever known. Beautiful lady. I'd love to talk to your kids. I guess it's just that, for me, I love my Dad with all my heart and want to understand and love him for who he is...but society is quite uncompassionate about situations they don't understand and therefore fear. Because I have this built in PROTECT device when it comes to him, I haven't sought out other in similar sitchies before. The older he gets tho, the more I want to heal any difficulties between us. I agree if we help each other and talk about life and life choices then it'll be best for everyone. This board gives me hope that in this day and age, more change and acceptance is coming.

Anyway, yes, I'd love to "pm" you, but dunno what that exactly means?

xo

THANK YOU VERY MUCH (:

Chele

[Guest Elizabeth K]

yes I have an "Aunt P" thats transsexua who has been friends with my Dad and Mom since I was young. I love her dearly. She was a great friend to both my parents and the first transsexual I've ever known. Beautiful lady. I'd love to talk to your kids. I guess it's just that, for me, I love my Dad with all my heart and want to understand and love him for who he is...but society is quite uncompassionate about situations they don't understand and therefore fear. Because I have this built in PROTECT device when it comes to him, I haven't sought out other in similar sitchies before. The older he gets tho, the more I want to heal any difficulties between us. I agree if we help each other and talk about life and life choices then it'll be best for everyone. This board gives me hope that in this day and age, more change and acceptance is coming.

Anyway, yes, I'd love to "pm" you, but dunno what that exactly means?

xo

THANK YOU VERY MUCH (:

Chele

ooops

PM means private message. After you have 5 or more postings you are allowed to PM anyone. You would pick on your name whch will take you to 'profile" and pick on '0 new messages at the top right, then type in my name until Elizabeth K comes up, put in a title, then write a text message, then send.

I will get a message that you have sent a PM and will open it and respond. It isn't quick like chat, but it is private.

Hope that helps.

Lizzy

[Guest chele]

Hi Chele and welcome, i think this is maybe a first where i can actually offer the virtual refreshments and a goodie cart. I'm sure others will be around shortly with answers to your questions.

I am a MtF, 57 years old so i'm around your dads age all i can say is sit down and talk, be honest about your feelings for him.

As to what to call him, ask what he prefers dad or her feminine name if she has one.

Paula.

Thxs for the goodie offerings! (: Yes, I know his/her names and we really have discussed his life choices. I guess talking to kids like myself might be the best thing for me. I'm not sure what I need except to gain knowledge from your experiences since my Dad is pretty private. Talking to different people here seems like a great start though. I don't live in the same state as my Pop anymore and getting him on the phone is almost impossible. He's never been a good communicator and hides from difficulties, so I guess thats why I'm here. If he and I cant talk, I want to know there are other people with similar circumstances I can speak/type with. I need to know I'm not alone. (:

Thxs,

C

[Guest chele]

It's not like "sweetheart", but see, the filter doesn't like that word. It's the F-word for gays.

Oh YUK!!!! Horrid. Sorry bout that....

[Guest chele]

Welcome, Chele!

We'll try to help as much as possible. It's great that you are so open and understanding about everything.

Well thanks...I was raised to be no other way...it breaks my heart that others weren't, but hopefully that can, will, and is changing...xo

[Sally]

Welcome Chele,

I am sorry that I'm so late but tonight was my jazz band practice and a taco dinner afterword so I'm just getting here.

I'm glad that Paula brought out the refreshments - I usually do that but I'm just here all of the time.

I am a 57 year old MTF (where have you seen that before - Oh, Paula!) about to stat on hormones but I don't have any children or parents that were trans so I can't help a lot there but I can so my best if you have questions.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Chele,

Welcome my dear to Laura's!! I simply suggest that your father also joins us!! Your father is clearly gender gifted!! I deplore you to have your father see a gender therapist!! You must know, you and your father cannot do this on your own!! I tried, and eventually knew that I cannot. That is why I joined Laura's myself!

Talk and communication is very important now!!

LOL

bernie

[Guest chele]

Welcome Chele,

I am sorry that I'm so late but tonight was my jazz band practice and a taco dinner afterword so I'm just getting here.

I'm glad that Paula brought out the refreshments - I usually do that but I'm just here all of the time.

I am a 57 year old MTF (where have you seen that before - Oh, Paula!) about to stat on hormones but I don't have any children or parents that were trans so I can't help a lot there but I can so my best if you have questions.

Love ya,

Sally

Sally,

Jazz band? Awesome! what instrument do you play? Also, not to be naive, but I am, whats MTF...? i think male to female? want to be sure tho....thats my only ? for now I suppose.... Thanks for the warm welcome..feel at home here. (:

xo

C

[Sally]

Sally,

Jazz band? Awesome! what instrument do you play? Also, not to be naive, but I am, whats MTF...? i think male to female? want to be sure tho....thats my only ? for now I suppose.... Thanks for the warm welcome..feel at home here. (:

xo

C

I'm the lead trumpet and jazz soloist on trumpet and flugelhorn in a 22 piece big band.

You're correct, MTF is a quick way to indicate a transsexual with a male body transitioning to a female body.

I'm so glad you feel comfortable her, we are a friendly group and we support each other very well.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Little Sara]

WOW! You're really cool and VERY helpful! Thanks so much for your thoughts. Sorry about the 'Transgender' termanology. No offense EVER meant. Thanks for telling me. I'm discussing this with the little knowledge I have openly in a forum for the first time. it's a bit weird for me, but I'm grateful for the chance and technology. My own personal experience is all I've had until now.. So I'm here to learn how to talk to my Dad more openly about his lifestyle. I used to be able to speak to him more openly 15 yrs ago, but the older he gets (he's in his upper 60's) the less he talks about his private matters. Like for instance, I am almost certain he was part of a hate crime around 6 years ago, but he wouldn't admit it to me. I could just tell and someone beat him up very badly. That said, he hides alot from me so as to protect me from the horrible realities he faces because of who he is.

I suppose certain matters are not my biz, but I care and just want to be aware of others circumstances so I can try to understand his. I wish he grew up now. It would've been easier for him. Yes, I agree that I should just talk to him about the classification he considers himself to be. I also meant no slight about the male/female oriented jobs, but he grew up in a time when men mostly did heavy manual labor intensive jobs. He didn't work with women unless they were in the office until the late 80's....

You say ur "pansexual"? is that bi? also if your androgenous is that bi? I'm a bit confused...obviously.

anyway, thank you for your help, wisdom, explinations and advice. (:

Pansexual is attracted to everyone including trans or intersex or genderqueer people - ie including people outside the binary.

Androgeny is a state of being between masculinity or feminity, or between male and female identity wise. It's got nothing to do with sexual orientation. It's usually characterized by someone trying to adopt a most-neutral kind of style that passes as either confusing between the lines of male or female, or that is counter to the gender someone present as.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Chele

Laura's has a section that includes definitions that might help you out. Look at the home page under Frequently Asked Questions

Lizzy

[Guest mia 1]

Pansexual is attracted to everyone including trans or intersex or genderqueer people - ie including people outside the binary.

Androgeny is a state of being between masculinity or feminity, or between male and female identity wise. It's got nothing to do with sexual orientation. It's usually characterized by someone trying to adopt a most-neutral kind of style that passes as either confusing between the lines of male or female, or that is counter to the gender someone present as.

Excelllent answer Little Sara you're cetainly not little in the well versed and educated d'ept. here is what I found on google to help chele......... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer .chele just click on the undelined URl and this will embelish Little Sara's excellent analysis