I was able to come out to my wife and she was great.

[DanielleS]

I am a luck man with a lucky female somewhere inside. I feel a real sense of inner peace, which is nice. The previous weekend I came out in regard to crossdressing to my wife and it went really well. I could not ask for anything more from her. I am very blessed by having such an understanding and patient spouse. She is an amazing woman. Finding this site and reading the stories makes me appreciate her even more. The road from where I was to where I am now was difficult. I will note the highlights for others looking for understanding. I will describe my male self because it might help others who are of the similar make-up. And I will explain how hiding it, or not fully coming to terms with it, was ruining our marriage. I'm new to the idea, or acceptance, that I am a crossdresser. Be patient.

Like most, I started dressing up as a child, so I won't cover much on that topic. In regard to my childhood, its the little things that I did prior to puberty that fascinate me. From playing house and choosing the mom role, to really enjoy dolls.(I enjoyed GI Jo and such too.) I remember being jealous of girls and what they wore, even at 5 and 6. From middle-school into adulthood I would regularly put on womens undergarments, sometimes more. Through high-school I would put on everything every few months. When I was single I would dress as a women, release, and toss the clothes . Expensive habit. When I was with a female I would go back to tempering my desires by using feminine undergarments.

I have two loving parents. I've never been molested. I can't point to some event, which caused these inner desires. They are just a part of me. I was born with them like I was born with a heart, lungs, and other organs.

My genetic attraction, my sexual desires, have always been for women. Its almost like I enjoy women so much and relate to them so well that I have a desire to experience being a women. But, its probably more then that. At the same time I enjoy being a man. I like my muscles, my aggression, my manliness. I feel comfortable and confident in being a man. I'm just short of 6 foot. My waste is about a 35 and I can bench 225 for easy reps and I only spend about 30 45 minutes a week lifting weights. I mention this to say, again, I like being a man. Briefly reading the various stories, I think that might be one factor as to why some move from CD to full transgendersome folks born as a man are never comfortable, never enjoy being in a mans body. I respect that; I empathize with that.

At the same time, no matter how much I enjoy being a man, there are times when I really want to dress and feel like a woman. It's an undercurrent that is always with me. I could care less about men's clothes. I wear them, but what I really love, enjoy, find relaxing, is women's clothes. I enjoy doing feminine things.

I had told my wife about my panty fetish prior to our marriage. But I had not indulged in it with her until ½ way into our marriage, some three years ago. Two years ago we got into some kink play where she disciplined me. With me nagging, she tried some female domination. She liked part of it. She is not big into wearing lingerie, but she enjoyed me wearing it. I started wearing panties everyday and she was okay with that, just complained I bought too many. As I pushed for more and more femdom it became an emotional roller coaster. I would downplay the dressing up part and then get mad because she wasn't forcing me to be a sissy. (Not where I find total enjoyment anyway. The idea of shopping with her is awesome.)

Dealing with our cycle of arguments, I finally admitted to myself and to her that I had been crossdressing since before puberty. I admitted that denying that side of me had left me very unhappy. I had lost all joy in life. A part of me was being strangled. I admitted, or realized, that my push for the femdom and its forced feminization was really a push to be forced into crossdressing.

She seems most concerned about my happiness. She still enjoys some of the domination stuff, but she is more than okay with my fem side. This Sunday all the kids were away, so for the first time we went shopping together. Later, I dawned makeup, wig, boobs, the works. She even showed me how to walk in high heels. It was fun and hilarious. We went to party this weekendme dressed in a coat and tieand she made little cute comments about jewelry and outfits that I might like. It was really sweet.

I don't worry about developing some desire to transition. I'm a classic old school crossdresser. I enjoy the clothes. I soften up a bit when wearing them, but it's not dramatic. It's a mix between fantasy and comfort. It's where I feel most relaxed.

Anyway, it feels like a thousand pounds has been lifted from my chest. I haven't slept better in a decade.

Suppressing this part of myself was becoming disastrous. To have your wife completely accept it, even more so than I ever could have, is surreal. She even thought it was silly to worry about what a sales clerk thought. Hah. If she had rejected this part of me, it would be like having half of my entire being rejected.

Hope this helps. If some wife or girlfriend comes across this post and feels a little better about their significant other that would be great. If you are a guy needing to crossdress, and are honest with yourself about what you want, then I would gather all of the information about straight crossdressers--including anxiety and depression--formulate your thoughts in writing, and present it to her. If a gal can't handle any of it try not to beat youself up. Relationships are about compromise: especially when it comes to sex or sexuality.

DS

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Danielle. Reading your story was so inspirational and heartwarming. Your story really resonates with me, because I share a lot of your history. It's a wonderful thing to have such a supportive, loving and understanding spouse. You are indeed blessed.

Please make yourself at home here, and contribute as much as you like. We have a lot of resources, but it seems like you have quite a few IRL, too. I look forward to hearing more from you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest April Kristie]

Great going Danielle, nothing like parity in a marriage. Remember to keep her happy too, she loves you and married a man. Never forget that us cross dressers ( former) tend to think a wee bit too much about ourselves and can fall in love with that woman in the mirror. While it is a thrill for us it can take something away from the attention she too needs. Good luck to you and welcome to the Playground.

[Raider901234]

Thanks for the welcome. April, I hear you on your advise/warning. Part of it is easy for her because she wants a shopping buddy. However, she's already warned me about being prettier than she is. I've got a mental list of things she has been wanting me to do for her.

Also, thanks you for anyone who took the time to read it. I've been writing more because it help me hash things out. I was a little long winded, but I spent a good bit of time formulating those thoughts.

This seems like a great place to get solid advise.

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's. Your not alone. All of our journeys are unique. Thank you for sharing yours.

Hugs,

Charlize

[LavaPrincess]

Nice your wife accept you welcome to the playground

[Guest sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi DanielleS,

Thank you for sharing so much information. Your story is somewhat simular to mine as I have been a crossdresser all my life. I was born that way and in some ways my feminine side has been a blessing but others not so much. You wife sounds great. My wife is quite conservative and really would prefer that I be more manly rather than having me express my female side.

She loves me as you wife loves you. It is nice to be accepted in any way we can. I accept myself for who I am and keep slowly working on my wife for acceptance.

Take Care

Sandra

[CiCi_73]

Hi Danielle,

Yes, your story resonates with me, particularly the dressing at an early age and the cycles of dressing and purging. When I finally came out to my wife she did not have the same reaction as yours. She's 100% behind me in what I have to do for myself, but she isn't interested in being married to a femme guy, which I totally understand. As it turns out, I've found that my dressing was just a prelude to a much deeper desire, but as Charlize said, all our journeys are unique. I am happy for you that you have found a peaceful equilibrium in your life and that it makes you both happy. You are indeed very lucky.

Hugs,

Courtney

[Raider901234]

Thanks again for all who read this. Thanks for the responses. Reading through the responses, I'll say I definately indulge in the underdress. My wife will sometimes grab my butt to make sure I am wearing something fem. I can be a strong, intimidating guy whereas my fem side is more submissive... Although my fem side is a bit whiney. Hah. I think some of the acceptance came from our light BDSM play. A lot of that stuff is just roleplaying in the bedroom.

We are both pretty conservative--church in the south and all that--but it seems to be working. The conservative part, along with the guilt, led me to a point of despair. I would never hurt myself, but having no desire to live is really bad. Life is stressful, especially with kids. Putting on a nightie or a dress or more is a better way to release stress than what a lot of folks are doing. I think that's how she sees it. Most marriages are either full of porn, affairs, and deceit. Or they are sexual involved and invested in each other.

Plus she wants me to be happy.

As for public dress, I have a desire to dress for something, but not in general. It seems like it would be a big pain to be a women everyday! At work men and women wear the same thing. I think we are going to go to a fetish convention / workshop--which we are both very nervous about--and that might be a place to do it. Or we will find something in New Orleans. I think if we found something to go to once a year she would be okay. She's alright if I dress up while she lays in bed and watches TV. She even took a bunch of pics after.

On the flip side, I do a lot of stuff for her. She likes her back rubbed, feet done, and her legs shaved. Plus, if we have kinky sex, I have a blog where I write about it. She loves being portrayed as a dominate female.

My wife is very literal. Change can be hard for her. She accepts things as they are presented and doesn't spend much time analyzing them. She has a didactive memory, so her mind doesn't forget and it doesn't change easily. That part is a gift and burden. One of her first questions was about the kids: If this came about prior to puberty then is it hereditary? She didn't want one of our sons to go through what I went through. She wouldn't want one of our kids to hurt themselves due to shame and such if it came about in their lives. That's a pretty cool thought process.

I had such a hard time accepting myself that I am the bigger problem. It is taking me a long time to get over being embarrassed in front of her. It took me years to wear panties in front of her and not feel selfconscious and sometimes I still do.

Anyway... I'm rambling and I've got football practice to go to.

[maud]

really nice your wife accepts your dressing

[Guest Eve Caillard]

Hi Danielle, nice to meet you.

I only discovered I was a cross dresser at the age of 53 or so. Fortunately, my wife just rolls her eyes and accepts it. But no dressing in front of her. You are lucky -and good luck!

Eve

[Angspear]

I am a wife of a cross dresser and I am sort of ok with it, my husband wears panties and or nylons daily now and I am ok with that..truly. But its when he puts the whole thing on...wig, dress, shoes etc where I feel uncomfortable...maybe even scared of "her". He usually does it when he is home alone and not around me anymore as I told him it does not arouse me (as a matter of fact this whole thing has dampened my whole sexual apitite) He also spends a lot of free time scrolling through she male or Transgender or men dressed as woman pics online, reads the pron stories and so on and then tried to hid it when I come into the room. I often feel like he is cheating on me with "her" that he no longer needs me or wants me unless I get with the fem side of him. As a matter of fact I do not remember the last time we had sex where he was 100% male...no stockings or womans panties. He insits he is NOT transgender and has NO desire to become a woman but does have gay fantasies. He often uses anal toys in the shower, shaves everything he can reach and that too make me feel saddened.....that he needs the anal stimulation to get off (as he often has to have a butt plug in to have sex). I am confused, sad, scared and often angry (I feel like I was duped at the alter and I hate feeling the fool) So I guess I am wondering how your wife or others wives coped, or got over the ackwardness or fears?? I love this man so very much and this is a just one side of him I know.....but it is important to him and I feel like my feelings just get shoved aside as being a pregnant dog vs taken seriously....