Now for the expensive part of transition ...

[Guest Kayla Grace]

Hi all,

First of all, I'm legally female now! Just sent the documents to my insurance agent. Yay female rates.

I'm still not completely happy though. I still wear male's shirts because my biceps are still too big, and I don't want anyone looking down my top at my "breasts" and clocking me. I'm also tired of taking off my clothes when I go to shower, and seeing a phallus in the shadows (I shower in the dark) when I dry myself off (not to mention washing myself).

I've only been on Spiro for 3 months, and Estrodiol for 1. I'm feeling tender (I think is the word? It's not sore idly, but if I touch it, it's sore) in my aureolas. Is this breast growth, or are they only growing when they're itchy?

I digress. I'm not much of an outdoor person in general, but I honestly feel not having "genuine" breasts and "genuine" genitals is weighing me down heavily from being more out there, and gaining assets for an auxiliary officer.

I don't feel ... authentic. I know I shouldn't rush things especially with permanent surgeries (especially augmentation, since growth after can make them look distorted I believe?) but I'm having a difficult time. These forms are great don't get me wrong, but I can't wait to get them off when I get home. They get uncomfortable after 9 hours of wearing them. This irks me too. I know I want to be chesty, but wanting to take my forms off when I get home seems a bit counterproductive to me.

I'm looking for augmentation and SRS surgeons in Ontario for consultations to look for options at leasts, so if anyone knows a reputable surgeon that has experience with trans women, I'm all ears.

[Carolyn Marie]

Kayla, our resources only list endocrinologists. I could not find specific references to Ontario area plastic surgeons or those who can do GRS. Dr. Menard and Dr. Brassard are the two most often mentioned, but they are in Montreal and have a long waiting list, from what i hear.

If you really want to pursue this, check with your area's medical society. They should have an online list of which surgeons specialize in what. Or ask around at local LGBT centers. Your therapist may also be a good source of information. But honestly, you've already mentioned the issue at hand; rushing things. It really isn't a good idea to have BA before you develop naturally. It isn't likely that Dr. Brassard would consent to do GRS when you aren't yet full time and only on HRT for a short while. Please give yourself more time, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

It does sound like you are starting off with your upside growth there on schedule or a bit above. The WPATH Standards of Care tables say 3 to 6 months for onset of visible growth and maximum growth in 3 - 6 years. I am just at 6 years on HRT and there are days I just wish I could go home and take them off!!. Your actual surgeons for SRS other than Brassard & Menard who take national insurance there in Canada would be in the U,S. where there are about 4 surgeons on the east coast that seem reasonable, although 2 are new on the scene. They do have waiting lists, but that can be to your advantage in getting needed prep time and even financing together.

[StephanieVikingGirl]

Hi Kayla,

Yep, that tenderness in the nipples is the beginning of breast growth. Are your nipples sticking out or otherwise showing growth? Most of us don't have much breast growth at only one month on estrogen, so the fact that your breasts are starting to grow is a good sign, Mine are currently filling out my 38 C cup bras (whenever I am actually wearing a bra, like at work for instance), and so it is kinda likely that I might need to go to D cups eventually. As usual YMMV. In any case, give yourself more time. I have been on HRT for over thirteen months, but you are actually ahead of me in getting your name and gender changed, mine won't be official until September 25th. Oh, and also give yourself some time for bicep loss, it does take some time. I would like to point out though, that your muscles will in fact feminize eventually. My arms are slender and feminine; no one would ever suspect that I had competed as a natural bodybuilder.

hugs,

Stephanie

[Drea]

Is this authentic for yourself, like even if you don't go out in public,m or is it you feel unauthentic only when in public?

If it is all about you, regardless of presentation then okay.

If it the issue is only when presenting, well is the issue really external?

In my opinion surgery isn't the most expensive part of transition.

[Guest AllisonRae]

Hi Kayla, You and I have been on HRT about the sanw amount of time. I started the estrodal patch a little over a month ago. I have some nipple soreness and some slight development already AA to A cup. My t was borderline low to start with so I am not on spiro yet.

As for surgeons I believe that there is one i the Cleveland area as well as in York, PA. Not sure of names off the top of my head.

Hugs

Allison

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Kayla, check out the website realself (dot com). I found a bunch in the Toronto/Mississauga area that do breast augmentation.

[Guest Kayla Grace]

Kayla, our resources only list endocrinologists. I could not find specific references to Ontario area plastic surgeons or those who can do GRS. Dr. Menard and Dr. Brassard are the two most often mentioned, but they are in Montreal and have a long waiting list, from what i hear.

If you really want to pursue this, check with your area's medical society. They should have an online list of which surgeons specialize in what. Or ask around at local LGBT centers. Your therapist may also be a good source of information. But honestly, you've already mentioned the issue at hand; rushing things. It really isn't a good idea to have BA before you develop naturally. It isn't likely that Dr. Brassard would consent to do GRS when you aren't yet full time and only on HRT for a short while. Please give yourself more time, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

We have a clinic called CAMH in Toronto, and it's the only clinic in Ontario (if not Canada) that can refer you for GRS, and can get you approved for OHIP to cover it. I've actually been full time (besides at home) for about 6 months now. I also have an appointment in early 2016 I believe.

It does sound like you are starting off with your upside growth there on schedule or a bit above. The WPATH Standards of Care tables say 3 to 6 months for onset of visible growth and maximum growth in 3 - 6 years. I am just at 6 years on HRT and there are days I just wish I could go home and take them off!!. Your actual surgeons for SRS other than Brassard & Menard who take national insurance there in Canada would be in the U,S. where there are about 4 surgeons on the east coast that seem reasonable, although 2 are new on the scene. They do have waiting lists, but that can be to your advantage in getting needed prep time and even financing together.

My main concern is whether forms that are attachable and therefore have a foreign object touching the body, feeling just as annoying as real breasts, being attached to your body. I'll reference something else.

MATURE SUBJECT MATTER. You've been warned.

Before I was circumcised, I used to follow a guide on the closest thing to being so. It felt odd whenever I put it on after taking it off. Now, I barely recognize the feeling. It just feels ... normal.

Hi Kayla,

Yep, that tenderness in the nipples is the beginning of breast growth. Are your nipples sticking out or otherwise showing growth? Most of us don't have much breast growth at only one month on estrogen, so the fact that your breasts are starting to grow is a good sign, Mine are currently filling out my 38 C cup bras (whenever I am actually wearing a bra, like at work for instance), and so it is kinda likely that I might need to go to D cups eventually. As usual YMMV. In any case, give yourself more time. I have been on HRT for over thirteen months, but you are actually ahead of me in getting your name and gender changed, mine won't be official until September 25th. Oh, and also give yourself some time for bicep loss, it does take some time. I would like to point out though, that your muscles will in fact feminize eventually. My arms are slender and feminine; no one would ever suspect that I had competed as a natural bodybuilder.

hugs,

Stephanie

I'm ... not sure Stephie. I don't think so though. I haven't submitted my legal name change yet since I want to make total sure that I want my name. I was dead set on Natalya, and that quickly changed when I remembered Kayla. That will require more time. Plus, I want my doctor or someone reknown to sign my guarantor forms so there's no possible way it can be declined. You should update some Facebook Photos definitely

Is this authentic for yourself, like even if you don't go out in public,m or is it you feel unauthentic only when in public?

If it is all about you, regardless of presentation then okay.

If it the issue is only when presenting, well is the issue really external?

In my opinion surgery isn't the most expensive part of transition.

Both Drea. I feel unauthentic when I take my forms off at home even when I have a bra on. And I feel instantly better when I put them back on. The fact that I have to take them off to sleep is good and bad. On one hand, I feel like I'm losing my breasts (so to speak) when I take them off since I can't sleep in them. On the other hand, I'd assume that sleeping with a large chest would be difficult (at least at first).

In public or work, I feel upset because I can't, well ... "show 'em" even a little bit. It would also help in passing.

What would you say is the most expensive part. HRT? Laser?

Hi Kayla, You and I have been on HRT about the sanw amount of time. I started the estrodal patch a little over a month ago. I have some nipple soreness and some slight development already AA to A cup. My t was borderline low to start with so I am not on spiro yet.

As for surgeons I believe that there is one i the Cleveland area as well as in York, PA. Not sure of names off the top of my head.

Hugs

Allison

I think I was perhaps a bit below normal T. I'm on pills and not the patch, so I think that's why you have more breast growth then I, but I could be wrong.

I actually found out today that CAMH is Ontario's by far best clinic. So I guess we can stroke that off the list.

Kayla, check out the website realself (dot com). I found a bunch in the Toronto/Mississauga area that do breast augmentation.

It has been bookmarked. Thanks Lizzie!

Thank all of you ladies. I definitely know that I'll need to bring this up with my therapist when I see him next week. I'm just ... tired of feeling like I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing. I know that the genitals and the secondary characteristics don't define a man or a woman, but it's about achieving my own tranquility, right?