What's a father to do

[Guest sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Girls,

My wife and I were eating breakfast yesterday and she told me that my youngest daughter has concerns. Her concerns are that I have long curly hair and I wear woman's jewelry. She also is concerned that I am "mistaken" for a woman all the time. My daughter is 32 years old and going to school and working in a fairly large city.

Anyone have any ideas on how to respond? When I am out and about I am usually cross dressed; under ware, shorts or pants, tee shirt or long sleeve shirt. I don't ware make up out and the cloths I ware, although woman's, are men's styles.

My wife's question was a perfect chance to discuss my cross dressing but I am not able to admit completely that I am yet. I sit here in skirt, top, panties, bra and lip stick enjoying a little time dressed fully while my wife is at a meeting. Any clues on how to proceed would be helpful. I guess my fear is that the truth will come out and I will loose the relationship I have with my family.

Thanks so much.

Hugs

Sandra

[VickySGV]

If your wife does not know yet, and you are at your house wearing feminine clothing to the point you claim, you are really on a thin edge there. I am sure you have dropped tons of hints, and you could be cruising for a bruising if you keep it up in their presence without telling them. Your daughter was telling your wife that your daughter is on to you there. The term "concerned" is not always a good sign of support there, and I doubt that the "concern" fell on deaf ears with her mother.

Where do you think you are at on the TG spectrum? Perhaps finding a therapist who has Gender Therapy can help you place yourself, and can give you specific help with your wife, which is where this should start if you live with her. I would outline a history of your feelings about your CDing and use that as a basis for talking to your spouse if you do not have a therapist to help you and be ready to make a contract on how, when and to whom you will admit to doing it. The sooner the better however.

[Guest sandra6sandy9sand]

Dear Vicky,

Thank you for you kind reply and advice. I should clarify. My wife knows that I wear woman's cloths all the time and has been washing my panties with the rest of our cloths for a long time. You are correct that I should talk to her regarding the depth of my cross dressing. There isn't a therapist near here that has had experience with cross dressing or gender issues. My daughter may have an idea that I cross dress.

As far as where I am at on the TG scale, I would say I don't want surgery, but my feminine side needs to be recognized. I'm happy where things are. I know that the woman inside me will not die until my male body gives up the ghost.

Thank you again for your loving comments and advice.

Hugs

Sandra

[Charlize]

Sandra as your wife already knows the extent of your feminine side i do wonder how she feels about how you proceed with your daughter. I would discuss this with her. It is fairly obvious that your daughter already knows and the two of them have talked about the subject. If she already washes your panties what's to tell? It sounds like you just need to have a conversation with them after deciding what you want. If your happy with your present position of underdressing and dressing when your wife is out then perhaps honesty is all that is necessary for you and your family to be more comfortable. If your still wondering yourself then indeed i would consider a GT. If there is no one nearby i would suggest looking at our resource page and finding a therapist who uses Skype. I have found communication by that means to be very effective.

Finding peace with ourselves includes finding some peace with our personal connections. I found that journey to be one of the hardest in transition.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Kati]

I would echo Vicky and Charlize. (So much for originality of thought...) The elephant is already in the room. It's time to acknowledge its presence and learn as a family how to live peaceably with it. I don't envy you your task, but given the circumstances it seems the only sensible course of action.

All the best,

Kati

[Guest sandra6sandy9sand]

Hi Girls,

Thank you for your comments and great advice. My wife and I have had some discussion regarding the concerns, but not the whole conversation. I know my wife knows that I crossdress because she has washed what I ware. finding the "best time" to discuss the concerns has not come yet. It will and I will be better for the discussion. I hope my wife feels the same way.

Huggs Sandra

[Ravin]

My first thought was, why is your daughter concerned? And why is your wife channeling this rather than either your daughter talking to you directly? That tells me there's a lot going on in your family relationships that needs to be taken into consideration in how you respond.