Coming to Terms

[Guest Kati]

I have read enough postings here at Laura's to realize that labels don't matter very much. I still believe that despite this message. Labels are just words and while words have meaning(s), sometimes very specific meanings, they really can't define an individual. We are multi-faceted, complex creatures who are always difficult to define and sometimes impossible to define. It's all well and good for the ancients to write, "Know thyself," but that isn't something one does with either ease or accuracy.

When I first joined Laura's I was asked to choose a label that best described where I was on the gender-spectrum. I chose crossdresser because I thought it most accurately described who I was and what I was occasionally doing. Perhaps it wasn't all that accurate after all. I have been on a journey, a journey of self-discovery. I am not convinced that I haven't arrived at my destination. Perhaps I never will. However, I do believe that at this juncture "crossdresser" isn't the best term for me to use to describe myself. It may described what I do, but it doesn't describe who I am.

I realize that transgender is umbrella term and crossdresser fits under that broad term. I realize changing my description from crossdresser to transgender changes nothing. When I wake up tomorrow morning I won't have suddenly become a different person during the night. I also realize that this microscopic change pales in comparison to the monumental changes that are undertaken by members of this forum day in and day out. I know my change in status is small potatoes. Still it is a big deal for me. Even if I am the only one listening, hearing the words, "I am transgender," is a big step. A step I never anticipated taking.

I wonder if this message will qualify for the "Silliest Message of the Year Award"? I'm fighting back the tears as I write this. How silly is that? It's just a word... Sheesh...

[Charlize]

It is not at all a silly message. Sorry you don't even qualify for the contest with a post like that. I remember feeling i was a cross dresser for many years. at one point i was actively living as a woman outside of my home and still felt i was a cross dresser. The idea of calling it something else came with time and knowledge. Your post expresses that beautifully. At this point I like the word trans* with the* to describe the broad range of folks with gender issues regardless of how we express it.

Thank you for your sharing and if that was silly please feel free to be as silly as you like. it's one of the best ways i know to grow.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Cyndee]

No silliness, self discovery is a wonderful process, to thy self be true....

Hugs

Cynthia -

[AnnazMom]

Aloha Kati,

In my very unexpert opinion, words and labels do matter. Your post is proof that the first label you chose might not be the one that describes you best. My daughter was very moved to identify with the transgender label that she felt described her experience exactly! Your journey will lead you to your own awareness! May you find peace and happiness

[Guest cerise]

I loved your post when I saw it and still do.

Hugs Cerise.

[bobbisue]

Kati Thanks for expressing so eloquently the thoughts many of us have I also have no idea where this rollercoaster is headed I just plan to hang on and hope to enjoy the ride

bobbisue

[Guest Kati]

Thank you for your kind and understanding comments.

I can't completely dismiss the notion that this all of this is seriously silly. After all nothing changed over night. I still put on my jeans one leg at a time just like I did yesterday. But in the deep recesses of my mind a fundamental change did take place with this redefining of myself. Right now I don't know exactly what it means. My best guess is that simply occasionally dressing is a thing of the past and that a new intensity of action is about to begin. I think I am admitting to myself that dressing is more than skin deep. It goes to the core of who I am.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

All the best,

Kati

[MarcieMarie12]

Kati,

Amen sister! I'm on a similar journey. I also started out labeling myself as cross dresser, but soon realized that it was something more than skin deep and changed to transgender. After that I think I'm done with labels, cause that is not what is important in the end.

[Guest Raya]

But in the deep recesses of my mind a fundamental change did take place with this redefining of myself.

Kati

yes! This was the beginning of my acceptance, which was the beginning of healing.

great thread Kati

[tracy_j]

I find now I have been here a while and got a better feel of the variables, I admit I don't look too deeply in how people label themselves, just how they communicate (this being in actions as well as words). Few people initially may well be likely to understand themselves well enough to select a clinically precise label. It does not really matter - It is a start which is what is more important! As most (if not all) are moving a precise label is likely to be valid for a short while anyway, unless it is all encompassing.

I wonder about how I have labelled myself, as androgyne. It still seems generally correct but I do vary. I suppose it is an anchor to indicate to others where we are.

Tracy

[CiCi_73]

Hi Kati,

Sorry so late in contributing to this thread, I haven't been as diligent about checking in and posting as I was when my gender life exploded.

I went through a similar process as you, in which I'd thought I was just CD (some of my early posts reflect this) but this was only because my understanding of myself was limited at that time. As I allowed myself to explore everything (and talk about it here on LP) I also found that my feelings about my gender ran much deeper, and that I felt I really needed a different identifier. Sure, it's just a word, and sure, nothing really changed, except that I felt a growing honesty with myself that has continued to this day. I also like the trans* idea, really opens things up. And I also feel like the journey (so far) has been an ongoing exploration of who I am, what it means to feel this way and experience the world the way I do, encapsulates so much different experiences, that trying to put it into a category is not always easy. But I guess it helps to have something, and TG is at least something that I can use to help others understand without having to explain every little detail.

Thanks for the thread, and sorry I've been away so long

Courtney