Learning About Friends...

[Guest sara w.]

I was out with my a couple friends tonight, one of them was my best friend, and we got to talking and I found out my best friend was homophobic, and I asked him "What if you had a friend who was gay or trans or somthin?" and he said "oh you mean like you or(another one of our friends)?" I said "yeah" he said "well I'd be ok with that since u guys didn't hit on me or anything" from that little conversation do you think he would accept me or not?

[Guest angie]

I was out with my a couple friends tonight, one of them was my best friend, and we got to talking and I found out my best friend was homophobic, and I asked him "What if you had a friend who was gay or trans or somthin?" and he said "oh you mean like you or(another one of our friends)?" I said "yeah" he said "well I'd be ok with that since u guys didn't hit on me or anything" from that little conversation do you think he would accept me or not?

There is only one way to find out Sara.If you think coming out to a friend is hard,wait until you

tell your folks and siblings.But if this is truly the path you must follow,it is something that must be done.Choose your time,think about how you are going to approach the subject,who you want to

come out to,(MOM prefferably)and build up the courage to do it.Part and pacrcel of being a tranwoman is telling the world who you truly are.

Good Luck,

Angie

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

I think you're on the wrong side of this, my dear. The question should not be, will your homophobic friend accept you, but can you accept having a homophobic friend. If you come out to him and he says he 'accepts' you, remember that this does not prevent him from making thoughtless remarks about gay or trans people. When you are older and exert more discretion over who you consider a friend or not, you may decide it simply is not worth it to maintain friendships with such incompatibilities in them. The choice is entirely yours.

[Guest April63]

He said he would be ok, so maybe. Why don't you try it out. If he really enjoys your friendship, he'll be okay with it, even if he has some bad remarks.

April

[Guest sara w.]

I think you're on the wrong side of this, my dear. The question should not be, will your homophobic friend accept you, but can you accept having a homophobic friend. If you come out to him and he says he 'accepts' you, remember that this does not prevent him from making thoughtless remarks about gay or trans people. When you are older and exert more discretion over who you consider a friend or not, you may decide it simply is not worth it to maintain friendships with such incompatibilities in them. The choice is entirely yours.

My friend is the type who would adjust to so he dosn't intentionally offend anyone unless its just joking.

He said he would be ok, so maybe. Why don't you try it out. If he really enjoys your friendship, he'll be okay with it, even if he has some bad remarks.

April

And theres one little problem I forgot to mention, that I should have said, I kind of like him, like-like him, and if it was creepy I wouldnt say anything, but I thought it should be somthing I needed to mention.

[Guest mia 1]

And theres one little problem I forgot to mention, that I should have said, I kind of like him, like-like him, and if it was creepy I wouldn't say anything, but I thought it should be something I needed to mention

Kinda confusing because he said he accepted you because you didn't hit on him and then you said he was the kind of person who wouldn't hurt any body intentionally, and you kind of like him which means what? That you like him as a friend or a romantic partner.....You better think tis through..or else you will be emotionally stranded out there and/or he will be what you want him to be which is what..your friend or boy friend please explain? Mia

[Guest Sofiadragon]

Honestly w/ the sound of that I would say that he is more then likely not going to be one of your best friends for very long (speaking from personal experience in simular instances)

[Guest April63]

I would say try to be friends with him. I don't think he'll want to go out with you though. But you can always bring that up later.

April

[Guest mia 1]

I would say try to be friends with him. I don't think he'll want to go out with you though. But you can always bring that up later.

April

Good Point!

[Guest julia_d]

hmmmm.. what a dangerous road you walk. It's one thing for somebody to "hypothetically" say they are ok with a situation.. the reality is always different.

People like this get it from somewhere.. usually their other friends and workmates who you may or may not know. I hope you have medical insurance.. because coming out to a homophobe is a sure fire way of finding out pretty quick which side your bread is buttered so to speak.

People like this are dangerous. It's not so much what they might say to your face as what they will say behind your back.. they will out you and put you in physical danger from people you don't know.

I learned this the hard way and I still have the scars. You can't put the genie back in the bottle so I would put a lot of distance between myself and this person as soon as possible.. and certainly before you consider telling people lots of stuff about yourself..

[Guest sara w.]

Kinda confusing because he said he accepted you because you didn't hit on him and then you said he was the kind of person who wouldn't hurt any body intentionally, and you kind of like him which means what? That you like him as a friend or a romantic partner.....You better think tis through..or else you will be emotionally stranded out there and/or he will be what you want him to be which is what..your friend or boy friend please explain? Mia

I want him to be my friend. for the most part, but i've got a crush on him, and if his friends have personal problems he isn't the type of person who would use that in a conversation if he thought it would make you feel bad.

[Guest AshleyK]

Chances are they'll accept it. I remember before I came out people would always say they would never be friends with people who are gay or trans or whatever. As soon as everyone found out about me they just thought that I'm still the same person and things aren't really much different, apart from the 'are you gay?' questions that always come up (like they're expecting me to be gay).

Real friends will realise that you're still the same person, just a bit different. If they said they'll be OK with it then they definately will. However, do not even think about trying to hit on your friend, because it won't end well. He is not going to be interested and it's totally unfair to put him in such an awkward position.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

"What if you had a friend who was gay or trans or somthin?" and he said "oh you mean like you or(another one of our friends)?" I said "yeah" he said "well I'd be ok with that since u guys didn't hit on me or anything"

Hey sara,

I think your friend already knows and already accepts you (or at least suspects that you are transgendered). I may be wrong but I think that you already came out to your friend wihout realizing it.

LOL

bernii

[Guest Elizabeth K]

It should be an unforced thing, where you and he both feel comfortable, and you bring it up.

I will warn you though - you can NEVER predict how it will turn out.

Lizzy

[Guest sara w.]

hmmmm.. what a dangerous road you walk. It's one thing for somebody to "hypothetically" say they are ok with a situation.. the reality is always different.

People like this get it from somewhere.. usually their other friends and workmates who you may or may not know. I hope you have medical insurance.. because coming out to a homophobe is a sure fire way of finding out pretty quick which side your bread is buttered so to speak.

People like this are dangerous. It's not so much what they might say to your face as what they will say behind your back.. they will out you and put you in physical danger from people you don't know.

I learned this the hard way and I still have the scars. You can't put the genie back in the bottle so I would put a lot of distance between myself and this person as soon as possible.. and certainly before you consider telling people lots of stuff about yourself..

My homophbic friend is really strong, hes in football(trying to get me to join next year) hes very active, and the first time i met his grandfather we were watching tv, and there was a gay person on some sort of show, and his grandfather started insulting that person, i asked my friend wht that was all about and he said "oh, my grandfather hates gay people" so im guessing he learned it from him

Hey sara,

I think your friend already knows and already accepts you (or at least suspects that you are transgendered). I may be wrong but I think that you already came out to your friend wihout realizing it.

LOL

bernii

actually if I did, I would have seen some kind of facial sign, even if he suspected it but his face was normal, i dont usually talk to him about that stuff but we do once in a while, so in his eyes it was a normal conversation, I hope.