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DiscreteLoner

By DiscreteLoner,
in Introductions Forum

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DiscreteLoner Junior Member

DiscreteLoner

Posted
Posted

I'm new here. OK. Not that new, but still a new member anyway.

I have known the term 'Trans' recently. It is what I've always been from the inside. I just don't know how to explain it. I've posted few topics in other forums, but today I've just realized that I have not made an official introduction of myself here, and that happened because I didn't see this forum. :P

I am an FTM who is pre-ops, pre-T, have not seen any therapy or psychology and have not come out in public yet. I am in college, but still leaving with my parents when I am not on campus. It will be very difficult for me to come out right now when I am still depending on my parents since they are homophobia and transphobia. Enough of that. I consider my right now position as a 'learning phase' before I am free to do anything I want on my own.

I was and still is very glad that I found trans communities. I've no idea what the keywords are until I recently learned in a class that talks about the non-binary genders system. Hint: They talk about the exceptant of the existence of more than two genders. I wanted to know more about other genders so I google it and it leads me to the world of LGBTQ+.

Discovered this gave me hope that I can be what I want even though it require some patient (I'm alright with being patient as long as there is hope and it is not a false hope). Even though I have to work hard to earn it. At least it is better than I have to spend the rest of my life hiding what I want because I can never get it and living with no hope to fulfill the part of me that die. I was at least once (in fact, many times) considered ending my life to put myself out of misery, but that time is over. I don't want to die like that. If I do, thing that left will not be I die because I hate my body I am born with, instead they will call me the loser because I decided to use death as a short cut to end my misery instead of fight it. In addition, I also feel like if I give up my life, I will also miss the oportunity to do other things that I want even if at that time changing sex is still impossible. I thought that one thing I want is impossible doesn't mean I have to give up other things I want even though I don't really have clear goals or my goals are something as simple as I want to watch animes or TV series that I am following until I don't want to watch it any more or it end or stop airing or I die (but not by suicide).

The only thing that keep me alive is something to fight for. Turning my whole body into a man or at least the closest I can with today teachnology and human abilities without having to bet on my after death life is a new big challenging and is my new big goal so I'm in.

My prefer pronounce is he because it is what I call myself in my head without other people know and have not used it in public or any webside yet. However, I don't mine if you still use she on me because I have not come out or start packing and binding yet, but still preferably be call as he because it gave me a weird feeling (and annoyed) every time I have to refer to myself as a she.

It is safe to call me DiscreteLoner. It's my internet name.

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Guest Raya

Guest Raya

Posted
Posted

Hello DiscreetLoner, and welcome! Hang around the playground and you will find some guys like yourself, and some gals like myself, who like to help us all be ourselves.

Im glad you are planning on being around a while, I used to think a lot about ending my life also, now I'm looking forward to living it. I agree it will take some patience, but for me at least, it was great just to finally accept me and start moving forward.

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  • Admin
Carolyn Marie Platinum Member

Carolyn Marie

Posted
  • Admin
Posted

Welcome to the Playground, hon. I hope you take full advantage of this site, including the Resource pages, Chat and blogs. The more you post, the more you will learn, and get to know our great members. I look forward to hearing more from you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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